When Work Is Working You: Part Three
Releasing, Reframing, and Reconnecting: Three Steps to a Healthier Work Life
Lesson Three: Grounding In
When we are in the trenches amidst anxious coworkers it is easy to get swept up, to lose our footing, and to spiral into panic mode. Even when practicing letting go of the things that don’t serve us, even when exercising reframing thing after thing, we can lose our balance. Which is why it is important to practice groundedness whenever we can, in our minds and in our actions – centering ourselves again and again into what keeps us healthy. So much so that it becomes automatic. So much so that when times are at their darkest we have left enough bread crumbs for ourselves to follow to bring us back and to root us down.
The way that we, humans, ground is not so different from plants. Roots anchor us so that in turbulent weather we remain rooted; then they connect and absorb air, water, and nutrients to dissolve and to conduct everywhere. We ground to seek stability and strength and we ground by connecting and absorbing from whatever fuels us: friends, family, nature... And when we have strength in the anchoring, and nutrients from the fueling, we grow.?
The Inner Workings
Sometimes, it’s a lot easier to think of our minds as if it wasn’t ours. We see it much too often in our family and in our friends. We may have a mother who gives so much to others that she has nothing left for herself. But if she were to see her own child do the same, she would recommend that they prioritize themselves: that they make the space, that they reclaim their power and that they ground into healthy habits. Maybe not in those exact words, but she would nonetheless have the clarity to know when to tell her kid that enough is enough and that they need to be more gentle and caring with themselves. It is easier to do that for someone else. But when it comes to us, we tend to have trouble nurturing ourselves like we would someone else that we love and care for. And therein lies an opportunity. By identifying our internal patterns we can choose to break them and to show up for ourselves like we do for others. We can rekindle our relationship with ourselves by practicing peace, patience, and kindness.?
Peace with Self: For many it can be hard to connect with their self when they are not at peace with themselves. We take in fears and anxieties about ourselves and we play them on repeat: “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not doing enough,” “I can’t fail,” “I need to prove to them what I can do…” And though these voices can sometimes be efficient motivators, they come at the heavy price of never being at peace. For there are ways to be ambitious and at peace; it comes with confidence in who you are and why you’re here. So the more you are able to clearly see yourself with honest eyes and to then clearly love and accept yourself – the more confident you become in who you are. The more you are able to acknowledge that you are enough: just by living, just by breathing, just by being a human who is doing the best they can – the more confidence you will gain in why you’re here. And when you find that peace, all your future success will be a bonus to an already rich and meaningful life.
Patience with Self: You probably heard this saying a million times in different ways: everything good takes time. Growing up to be the person you are today, learning the skills you need to make money, your savings account – it all takes time. When we are unable to be patient, we suffer from not meeting unrealistic expectations and not enjoying the journey in being present. Just like everything, patience is something that we can get better at through practice. And when we’re able to be patient for ourselves, it is an act of self-love as we give ourselves permission to grow properly while also taking pleasure in the journey along the way.
Compassion to Self: You probably know by now that often, we are our own harshest critics. And though it is important to have a healthy dose of self-doubt, being overly harsh to ourselves can be harmful, stunt our growth, and even set us back. Self-criticism is like a parasite that latches on wreaking havoc to our mind and to our life. But when we are able to see it happen we can give it less power and replace it with love and compassion. Because self-compassion is proven to increase productivity, make us more resilient in the face of failure, and decrease our stress levels. So while we’re in this world, in this life, in this mind and body, we can choose to work on making our minds a safe-haven or a prison. We can cultivate love and compassion or we can trap our minds in our own self-fabricated hell.
The Outer Workings
For this third lesson, the outer workings are essentially being able to identify what it is that brings us joy, love, and health, cultivating those things, and ritualizing them into our lives and our day-to-day.?
Connecting with Nature: Nature has a way of bringing us out of our heads and into our bodies and the present moment. It is also proven to improve our cognitive function, brain activity, blood pressure, overall mental health, and sleep. So by prioritizing connecting with nature, we are prioritizing our health. When we think of connecting with nature, we imagine hiking, camping, surfing, or skiing, but there are also a lot of other ways that we can connect to nature.
The Ritual: Everyday, find what your connection to nature will be. Even if for ten minutes, figure out where you can realistically go or what you can realistically do – at around the same time everyday. Whether it is a morning walk or nighttime stargazing, or mindfully watering your plants and feeding your pet. The moment is yours to be in the present, to be in your body, and to be exactly where you are as you soak up all the good that nature has to offer.?
Connecting With Others: Groundedness can also come through connecting with others: friends, families, babies, pets, and even plants, any other living being that can fill your cup is someone who can help you ground. Generally, they are those that bring you joy, and love, and that make you want to be healthier. It’s no surprise that as we age our inner circle shrinks. Because we gain the wisdom to filter out those who not only harm us but also don’t serve us. Instead, we surround ourselves with those who make us better.
The Ritual: think back on the last time you shared a major accomplishment with your inner circle and make a list of who celebrated you the most – of who purely and deeply rejoiced for your win. Then every morning when you wake up, go through your list one by one and silently thank them and love them for everything they bring to you. This is a mix of a gratitude and love and kindness meditation technique that when practiced consistently can have tremendous benefits in helping us feel more optimistic and positive, improving our overall health, strengthening our relationships with others, and helping us deal better with adversity.??
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Connecting With Your Body: One of the surest ways to connect with ourselves and to ground is through movement. No matter what our body type is, finding out the kind of exercises that suit us and doing them consistently can have major benefits on our minds and bodies. What’s more is that movement does not limit itself to working out. Because on top of doing the maintenance work on our bodies, we can also connect with our bodies through pleasure – whether it’s in dancing, smiling, singing or even taking the stairs. Because just the fact that we can move is a gift and something to be grateful for.
The Ritual: in addition to consistently exercising, try to find physical activities that are solely for the purpose of pleasure in moving. This may be something you do at night like dancing to your favorite song. Or it could be something you do throughout the day like setting aside two timed minutes for you to simply smile. The goal of this practice is for us to become better at pulling out the tools we need in the moments that we need them. So as to not forget that we can always turn to ourselves for fuel when we are in need of a boost.
Connecting To Self: The concept of the "self" encompasses various dimensions such as thoughts, feelings, beliefs, values, memories, and physical sensations that collectively create a unique sense of who we are. It is not a fixed entity but rather a dynamic and ever evolving construct that changes over time. Making it impossible to truly and fully ever know and grasp the complexity of who we are. For that reason, connecting to ourselves is something we must practice every day so as to not lose ourselves. For when we are grounded and more or less secure in who we are, we are less likely to be swayed by the opinions of others, and more able to make decisions that align with our own values and goals.
The Ritual: there is no better way to connect with our true self than to quiet the distractions in our minds and to sit and breath in the stillness that is left; which is also known as meditating. It can reduce stress, anxieties, and symptoms of depression, lower blood pressure, strengthen our immune system, improve our memory, regulate our mood, increase our self-awareness, help with addiction management, and improve our sleep. There are many free online meditations, such as the ones that Three Jewels offer; and remember that as long as you are treating yourself with patience, and compassion that little by little you can work your way up to a daily 10 to 15 meditation and reap all the extensive benefits that meditation has to offer.
There are so many ways in which we can practice becoming more grounded. And there will probably be some techniques that work better for us than others. But ultimately, anything that constitutes consistent healthy behavior will serve to ground us. It is in the repetition that we can gain in strength. We do something again and again so that when we are at our lowest, we have our tools to turn to, and we do not break. Our capacity will expand and we’ll be able to hold more weight at work. We’ll become even more resilient and more consistent with the quality of work that we do. We will be less swayed by the ups and downs of work and we will become more self-assured.
The Mantra
I stretch my roots deep and wide,
this is who I am
here I’ll be at peace.
In Closing
There is no one action or mindset that can all of a sudden mend our relationship with work. Like working out, you might feel better if you exercise parts of your body once in a while, but to experience a life change, working out needs to become a lifestyle. Anything that is healthy is being tended to on the regular. Whether it is your body, your plants, your mind, your finances, or your relationship with work, it’s all about consistent care.
There is also no absolute right way or timeline on how to practice these three lessons – for every person is beautifully unique. You might find yourself making space in your mind and life in ways I haven’t touched on. Or you might find yourself practicing grounding yourself at the same time that you are claiming your time. As long as you are moving towards releasing what doesn’t serve you, reframing challenges, and reconnecting to what fuels you, then you’re doing it right. As long as you are trying. Because it’s in the practice that we find the ease.
So think to yourself, what do you look like in your ease? What does it look like to master your own work life?? Are you more confident? Are you happier? Visualize your future self and hold on to it. And yes, it is hard, it is one of the hardest things to do, but it is also simple. For when you begin to see the simplicity in the complexity then you begin to master. And mastering your work life will not only bring you clarity, power, and strength, but will also make you a healthier, happier, and better employee, boss, and overall person to work with.
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