When Work Is Working You: Part One

Releasing, Reframing, and Reconnecting: Three Steps to a Healthier Work Life

I used to be the first to brag about late nights and work overload. It made me feel like I was doing something, becoming someone. Fast forward 10 years later and I’m on a zoom call at an exit interview telling my bosses about the things they did wrong that led to me leaving. I blamed the company because I felt powerless. And it pushed me to a radical life change: quitting and taking a creative sabbatical to “eat, pray, love” my way into a healthier and more sustainable relationship with work.?

Though I originally thought that quitting my job was me throwing it all away for something better and new, years later with a new mind, I look back and realize that I wasn’t as powerless as I thought I was – that blaming the company was not the way to go – and that no one but ourselves will truly look out for us and direct each of our lives to how we want to live.

Now I know that taking a sabbatical is a privilege that not everyone can afford, even if done in a non-extravagant way like I did. We have bills to pay, loans to pay, and people who depend on us. And that is why a lot of us put our heads down and trudge away while companies act as companies do and continue to capitalize in every way they can from what we give - or let them take. It’s understandable.

Companies have armies of people at their disposal putting in hours and resources to “create culture” in order to get the most out of their employees. Persuading us that our job is more than just a job. Giving us a collective mission?in hopes that it becomes all of our individual missions. Late nights, weekends, birthdays, and holidays, companies brand the reasons why we should all care to extend ourselves and work overtime. Ping pong tables, parties, alcohol, they are all “culture facilitators” that make us want to stay – that make it easier to believe in the company's values and stories.

We are all susceptible to taking in a company's values and stories as our own, intertwining them with what we would call “our purpose”. Most of us have desires of working and belonging to something bigger and meaningful. And at the core, there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting to be a part of something bigger, especially if you feel that you have a healthy relationship with work and that your sense of self matches that of your company’s. But if it doesn’t and you have bills to pay, it’s all too easy to get caught in the rat race, to feel like you have no other options and to suffer the consequences of unsustainable work habits.

Our cards are so stacked against us that it takes an enormous amount of awareness and self-work to gain more power in regards to our relationship with work. To no longer feel like we’re held captive by others, to no longer feel like work is sucking the life out of us. Truth is, there are tools out there to help break us out. There are options and things we can do, now. So I set out to figure out what the tools were that I used and that worked. Three lessons that made me feel more clear-minded, more empowered, and more prepared and protected to have a healthier relationship with work.

The Lessons

Through personal research, readings of old and new, trial and error, and personally experiencing the spectrum of different work cultures, I’ve synthesized three lessons that have helped me have a healthier relationship with work and that I believe can help others as well. I divided these three lessons into two parts: the inner and outer workings. The inner workings are what happens in your mind while the outer workings are the actions you take. When combined the results are powerful. And although the inner workings can feel less tangible than the outer workings, the inner workings are a lot more concrete and impactful than you might think. You could think of it as the software and the hardware. Both affect the other and both need to be running smoothly for you to use your computer properly.

Additionally, for each lesson you will find a mantra. The word mantra is a Sanskrit word that literally means “instrument of thought” (man- “to think” and -tra “a tool”). Originating in ancient India out of Vedic Hinduism, mantras are steeped in meaning and can have transformational healing qualities by imprinting our subconscious into deep understanding and by soothing our central nervous system. Scientifically, mantras are also proven to have beneficial effects on stress, anxiety, hypertension, and immunity. So to help each of our lessons sink in and to properly use our mantras, we memorize them and consistently repeat them silently or out loud while breathing slowly and intentionally.

Lesson One: Making Space

When I bring up the topic of self care with an overworked person the first thing they tell me is that now is not the time, that there is no time. And though this may seem true to the person saying this, what the person is really saying is that they are at capacity. People who say they don’t have time, more often than not, feel like they don’t have time all the time. So it’s not as much a question of lack of time as it is a question of capacity. And more importantly, identifying that you are at capacity instead of there ‘not being time’ implies that you can do something about it.

So our first lesson, simply put, is about the practice of spring cleaning our minds and our lives so as to not be at capacity. It’s the timeless and sacred practice of assessing what is taking space in our minds and in our lives and releasing that which does not serve us. When a computer is at capacity, what do you do? You empty the trash and look for more files to throw away. As a people and especially in a capitalist society, we are quick to treat one thing by adding another thing to it. And although there is nothing inherently wrong with that, we sometimes forget that we can start by subtracting things instead.

The Inner Workings

Everyone’s mental real estate is finite. Some have more mental room than others but none of us can escape the effects of mental overload. When we reach that point and get caught in the cyclical motions of work burnout, we begin to function poorly across the board and then we glitch. Then we continue glitching more repeatedly until we hit a wall. And by then we have no choice but to let something crash and burn before we are able to start functioning again. Our job is to never get to that point. So while we still can, any time is a good time to start addressing work overload.

So even when we are in the eye of the storm let us start by mentally decluttering and Marie Kondo-ing our minds. What can we start by emptying? One of the biggest space-eating monsters in our minds: our own stories. We add stories to everything that happens around us all the time and by doing so we make every thing heavier with personal meaning. And although some stories can be important and can still serve us, a lot of stories become heavy internalizations of exterior happenings. Something happens outside and we take it in as ours. Whether the story is that we are victims or that we are being neglected and misunderstood. Stories keep growing and keep eating up space. So it becomes important to scan our minds for what is true and what is created by us. To self assess, to recognize what doesn’t serve us, and to let it go.

• Self Assess: You can begin self assessing by going down the path of how you are feeling and why. To every feeling associated with work, ask yourself why you are feeling that way and truly look at the story you’ve painted for yourself. What is true? What is a fact? Ask yourself if you are making assumptions on anything. Are you taking things personally? Do you have sensitivities or triggers?

• Identify what doesn’t serve you: Oftentimes we recognize the stories that don’t serve us by identifying the emotions that go with them as unproductive. If you are your boss and get angry at every interaction with them, does that feeling of anger help you or does it harm you? Sometimes it’s as simple as asking yourself if you want to feel those emotions. Do you want to be angry at your boss? If you are criticizing yourself and dwelling on past mistakes, is that helping you or harming you? Do you want to keep on feeling that you aren’t enough??

• Let go: If we self assess and recognize what doesn’t serve us, it makes it a lot easier to reach this final step of letting go. This last step is part belief and part practice. We must actively imagine that we have already let go, even if we are faking it at first. We continue to consistently practice loosening our grip and softening our hold on things. The more we do this, the easier it gets to do it again and again.?

The Outer Workings

If this first lesson’s internal workings are about cleansing your mind, the outer workings are the more actionable physical things you can start to do now to cleanse your day-to-day life.

• Exhale: This slow and controlled breathing technique is a sure and easy way to release some of what we hold in our bodies and minds. Even if it is just for two minutes or if it’s something you sprinkle throughout your day. This is scientifically proven to improve our heart rate variability (HRV) and our decision-making abilities. Take a moment to focus on your breath and then begin to extend your exhales gradually until they become twice as long as your inhales. Feel free to count: 2 seconds in, 2 seconds out. 2 seconds in, 3 seconds out. 2 seconds in, 4 seconds out. Deepening your breath as you feel comfortable. Until you start feeling the effects of being in a more relaxed state.?

• Declutter your space: You would be surprised to know just how much we are internally affected by how much we physically carry with us. Everything we “own” owns us in return in the space that it takes up in our psyche. Look around you, your phone,? your computer, your wallet, your purse, your room, your home, your car, can you declutter? Maybe a trip to the goodwill or the salvation army might be a good idea. Or maybe just tidying up and making physical space around you just so you could move better, breath better. Because we do in fact feel freer and less confined inside when our physical space is more open outside.

• Declutter your mornings: Most people wake up and immediately get right to it, reaching for their phones and checking their emails, notifications, and news. But the first half an hour to an hour right when you wake up is one of the most sacred time of the day; because your mind is at its clearest and because it sets the tone for the rest of your day. And when you are barely sleeping and feeling completely depleted, it becomes even more important to carve out that time (even if for 15 minutes) to quietly contemplate. No phone, no conversations, no news, no information entering your mind. Just quiet.

• Cleanse your words: Words have immense power. With words alone, we are able to bring to life many things that end up taking space in our minds. So choosing to begin by saying less can have a big impact on our lives. Less gossip, less negativity, less repetition. Choosing to say less will have us all becoming more mindful and intentional with what we say, will help cleanse out some of the mental stories that hold us captives, and will in turn help us make space in our day-to-day exchanges.

• Cleanse your intake: You are most definitely what you eat and drink. Anything that enters you is something that you take in and that is now in you. But when a person is overworked and not sleeping well, one of the first things that goes out the window is healthy consumption. And it’s understandable because our decision-making abilities are compromised and because we begin to search for quick sources of comfort. However, the temporary comfort in what we consume, whether it is in fast food, alcohol, drugs, or even coffee, if excessively consumed, can end up harming us in the long run. And alternatively, if we’re able to be aware of our diminished decision-making abilities during stressful times and can be more careful when the time comes to have a healthier diet, then we can gain in energy and have a stronger immune system to help us deal with our challenges.

By combining both inner and outer workings this first lesson will begin to clear out some space and bring about some much needed clarity. As you do this, beware of your desire to want to fill your newly acquired space with more work. We must take precautions as we slowly train ourselves to get used to having some mental space and clarity; until we get better at choosing what we want and don’t want more of in our minds and in our lives.

The Mantra

Nothing mine to hold.

I surrender and let go.

Thank you. You may go.

Link to Part Two

Link to Part Three

References

1. Mantra (2023) Wikipedia. Wikimedia Foundation. Available at: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mantra#cite_note-12 (Accessed: April 28, 2023).
2. The transformational power of Mantra (no date) Himalayan Yoga Institute. Available at: https://www.himalayanyogainstitute.com/transformational-power-mantra/ (Accessed: April 28, 2023).
3. Tseng, A.A. (2022) Scientific evidence of health benefits by practicing mantra meditation: Narrative review, International journal of yoga. U.S. National Library of Medicine. Available at: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC9623891/ (Accessed: April 28, 2023).?
4. Longer exhalations are an easy way to hack your vagus nerve (no date) Psychology Today. Sussex Publishers. Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/the-athletes-way/201905/longer-exhalations-are-easy-way-hack-your-vagus-nerve (Accessed: April 28, 2023).
5. Stress and health (2023) The Nutrition Source. Available at: https://www.hsph.harvard.edu/nutritionsource/stress-and-health/#:~:text=A%20balanced%20diet%20can%20support,help%20to%20regulate%20cortisol%20levels. (Accessed: May 1, 2023).?