When Women Support Each other, We all Win

Over the weekend women united in a way that was unprecedented and that made history. While many have referred to it as a demonstration against our new president, I believe that is a minimization. I marched with my daughters for reasons that are many and that have required attention for quite some time. When I learned 10 years ago, the statistic that 1 in 3 women are assaulted by a partner I was dumbfounded and said at that time “Why are women not marching in the streets?" The best answer I could come up with was that we had become complacent and that the women before us who fought so hard so we could vote, receive higher education and make legal decisions about planning our families had brought us to a realization that we could do anything we chose to do and we thought that was enough. We seemed to accept the exhausting sexual harassment, lower wages and getting passed over for promotions because our male coworker who had far less experience “had a family to support.” We raged inside but were told, even by other women that while unfair, that was just the way things were. It took a man who openly and unapologetically embodies much of what we have endured for so long, sitting in the most powerful seat in the world, to bring us to action. 

While I understand fully there are a great number of Americans who share all of his philosophies or are willing to overlook some that cannot be dismissed as anything other than misogyny, those of us who find it unacceptable and an indication of character that makes us shudder, also want our opinions heard. Like Rosa Parks so eloquently put it, what happened this weekend is that we are just "Tired of giving up." When women support one another even if we have differences, it benefits all of society in a positive way and here is why:

We see it can be done. When we see other women achieve things we wonder about or dream of achieving, it is a powerful motivator. I was the first person in my family to go to college and while my family wholeheartedly supported my educational endeavors, there was no example I could look to for mentorship or support. It was the women along the way, women I worked for, professors or friends mothers who showed me it could be done and what my future could look like. Many of them went one step further and told me they believed I had the ability to achieve all of the dreams I expressed and gave me tips on navigating the roadblocks I might encounter. 

When I found myself in middle age, founding a technology company, I quickly realized there were very few who had gone before me. What I did find was that many successful women, were considered such because they had inherited wealth or position as a result of marriage or familial success. This certainly wasn't something I could identify with. Where were the trailblazers? The women who took their idea and moved it forward to fruition? Why were there so few of those? I still look for the women who have done what I am trying to do because we experience some unique challenges. The well meaning, protective actions that indicate a lack of belief in our ability, the "Go have a drink with him/her and talk it over" push from a would be investor when I state I don't feel a certain contractor they suggest is best for the company. The regular assumption that there must be a man hidden somewhere in my company that I have to run decisions by. I chalk these up to an annoying par for the course and move forward. What I do know is that supporting other women and girls in realizing their dreams creates a society that reaps the rewards of innovation.

We can minimize the distractions. If we bought into what the media and society told us we should focus on, we wouldn’t get past what lipstick to choose, workout to complete or method to please a man. All you need to do is look at the magazine covers at a checkout stand or hair salon to see what it is thought women are interested in. I refuse to believe this is the truth but if it is, we will never move forward from where we are now. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to spend some time on the aforementioned things, it’s your prerogative and the last thing we should be doing is judging one another but if the primary focus of our attention is how to get a “revenge body” we will never move forward. These things are distractions from the exhausting, real obstacles many women battle every day like living with an abuser, being the only breadwinner and ignoring sexually inappropriate talk that contrary to being a compliment feels like a punch in the gut that knocks you off our feet. It is going to take work and it won’t be easy but we need to pay attention to what is going on in our communities and the world. We need to understand fully how our political system works and make our opinions known so at the bare minimum, our children receive the education they deserve, safe and healthy food to eat and clean water. These things won’t happen if someone isn’t fighting for them. We may or may not be viewed as sexy or beautiful while we do this but we should think carefully about where we are putting our energy and what is truly important to us. If you are not willing or don’t want to put in the hard work to move the dial, that’s okay too but please don’t bring down your sisters who will take it on because ultimately, the wins will be wins for you too. If you don't have the strength because all of your energy is consumed trying to maintain the bare minimum of an existence and your dreams have drifted into the distance, gain strength in knowing your sisters carry you and we have been there. For somehow on our journey, the fear of what others think or how we are perceived has drifted farther than you have seen your hopes diminish and a fierceness has taken hold that lightens the burden and quickens the pace.

We can move into positions that effect real change. I see what happened over the weekend as a promising new phase of progress for women in this country. Until now, we have not fully moved into positions of political power in an equal way. There are minimal numbers of women in seats of congress or the senate or as governors or even CEO’s of companies. We are educated and capable but something has held us back. Maybe it’s been the difficulty of juggling work and having children or being caregivers for our parents and grandparents or the invisible but very real hits at our confidence by both men and women that undermine our belief in our ability to lead. The smirk and eye roll we get when we share an innovation or idea followed by a sarcastic “Good luck with that.” It feels heavy and difficult which is why we need to have each other to lean on when we are weary and the road feels too long. 

Women are in a unique position to bring attention and solutions to problems that plague us. We are Asian, Black and Latina, Muslim and Catholic, refugees and daughters of the founders of this nation. We have children with autism and cancer, we have felt the gut wrenching agony of losing our babies to gun violence or drug addiction and seen the impact of educational inequity that harms all of us because it kills potential that could benefit every citizen of our nation. We support and love our children who are gay, bisexual and transgender and want them to see a world where their love is acknowledged and they are supported as the valued members of society they are. We have long been the thread that weaves strong the fabric of society, we have stepped up in times of war and been able to take on tasks we weren’t previously familiar with and excelled. We have done this mostly in the background and with little recognition simply because it needed to be done. We did it with quiet strength and told ourselves that was enough. In fact we have been taught to quiet that strength, to not be viewed as boastful and too stand down so someone else can have a turn. Too often we teach our girls that their appearance is their greatest asset and we go to great lengths to insure their social standing based on their perceived beauty. We have done them no favors by minimizing their true worth.

When women join in support and take action it is a power best to be acknowledged because it is a power that can fuel transformation. We are large in number and if we choose to take action and remain focused, cheering one another along the way with the combined support of men who see our real value, the potential impact is undeniable.

Michelle Chaffee Founder & CEO alska