When women help women, we all win

Welcome to Swag-HER!: Your Career, Your Way, a newsletter for professional women and their allies! We’ll explore how to break through the barriers to your success, making space for the career - and life -? you want.

I’m so glad you’re here. If this is our first time meeting, you can learn more about me and the work I do here. Make sure you never miss an issue by clicking the "Subscribe" button in the upper right corner of the page!

A few weeks ago, I had the joy of sitting down with Julie Castro Abrams , for her podcast, How Women Inspire (you can listen to our episode here). Julie is the CEO of How Women Lead , a network of over 14,000 top executive women, and now Managing Partner at How Women Invest , two organizations fighting for gender equity in business and venture capital. I’m a big fan of How Women Lead - I went to their retreat in July, and I’ll be speaking in a session at their #GetOnBoard Week in October - and my conversation with Julie was a powerful reminder of just how essential networks are for professional women.?

This week, I want to talk about women’s networks; how to do it, why you need one, and why a win for one is a win for all.?

Networking isn’t icky - it’s necessary

Women are often known for our strong relationship-building skills, but when it comes to networking, many of us struggle. When we socialize, we are able to bond quickly, share our experiences, and enjoy it. But when it comes to the idea of networking, many women dread it. Some women think it’s more powerful to go it alone (I used to be one of them). Others say that it feels disingenuous or even manipulative.?

They’re wrong. Networking doesn’t have to be about using others to get ahead, it can be about so much more.?

The Stanford University Designing Your Life course and book offer a different view of networking. In a world before smartphones, if we got lost, we would stop and ask for directions.? Most people would be willing and happy to help. We learn from their experience. Networks can work the same way. An “asking for directions” mindset helps us refocus on learning from someone else’s experience, and how they found their way when they were lost. Instead of asking for a job, we ask to learn of someone’s career shift or industry experience, which in turn may yield more informal meetings and coffee chats.?

Networking can feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s just because you haven’t found the method that works for you. You know yourself best; how do you like to deepen connections with acquaintances or be introduced to a new person?? Some women freeze at a large networking event, but thrive at making connections through smaller interactions where they are learning or doing something together. Others may recognize they need the large events, and they start with a goal of getting to know just one person at first, experimenting with ways to strike up a conversation. The best relationships are built on authenticity, and that includes how you meet one another.

She gets it

A strong network benefits everyone, so why am I focusing on women’s networks? There are a few reasons.?

Research has shown that women utilize our networks differently from men. Men need a network that’s going to maximize their access and exposure to market information. Women, however, need that… and one thing more. If we are trying to land a new job, we need access to “private information,” insider tips about a company’s leadership culture and politics, or hints about how to make an impression. We are also cautious about who is sharing the information, and we are much more likely to put faith in private information when it comes from trusted contacts with whom we have established relationships. And who better to give us the actual inside scoop than another woman, who has experienced an organization through the same lens??

More than anything, professional women’s networks help normalize our experiences. Many experiences are unique to women, and sometimes you just need to talk to someone who “gets it.” Many professional women - especially those in male-dominated fields - feel isolated. But when we meet others who share our experience, we no longer see ourselves as the “only one.” We can have conversations about our struggles, fears, and triumphs in environments that are not only safe, but also supportive. Everyone in the room has either felt it, thought it, or faced it. Relationships with people who care about us remind us why we matter, what is at stake, and why we do what we do.?

No more “queen bees”

?Remember this picture?

If you haven’t seen it before, you may think that Jamie Lee Curtis is celebrating her own Oscar win. Not so. Her exuberant reaction is for her co-star, Michelle Yeoh, on her Oscar. I remember Erin Gallagher , CEO and founder of Ella, sharing this picture on LinkedIn, with the caption, “Hype. Other. Women.”

I couldn’t agree more.?

It is a myth that another woman’s success means that we lose. In the past, infighting between women came from the perception (and often the reality) that there was only one token seat available, and that all the women would have to fight for it. While we have work to do to build the number of women in leadership positions and there are still many inroads to make, we no longer have to act with a scarcity mindset. There are enough seats at the table. The success strategy for today’s times is to follow Gallagher’s lead, and hype other women. Encourage each other to share ideas, support them openly and publicly, and make sure their credit and hard work is noted. If another woman is interrupted or spoken over, help bring the attention back to them and what they wanted to say. Use your voice to amplify hers.?

When one woman wins, we all win. There is too much at stake to divide ourselves when we have so much progress to make. Networks help us come together, work for change and equity, and model the way for the next generation of powerful, professional women.?

Can’t wait to read The Mirrored Door? You’re in luck! Now, you can get the first chapter of The Mirrored Door: Break Through the Hidden Barrier that Locks Successful Women in Place sent right to your inbox, FREE! Click here to get your chapter!?

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