When Women Achieve: The Burden of Success

There is this unspoken knowing that there is a price to pay for success. It’s not just the missed birthdays or long hours. Instead, it’s much more subtle, lurking behind every promotion or accolade. Through the actions of others we sometimes learn that playing small can make us more desirable. Through words unsaid, we are sometimes made to choose; to dim our light or risk being ostracized for succeeding.

Many women I know and admire share a similar story, of needing to choose between belonging and showing up as their full selves. When we dared to be ourselves, we were taught that we had to pay a price. It’s why some high-achieving women tend to self-sabotage. Almost like succeeding triggers a deep-set fear of abandonment and exclusion that we can’t quite place.

But there is a word for it. It’s called Tall Poppy Syndrome (TPS) and it occurs when people are attacked, resented, disliked, criticized or cut down because of their achievements and/or success. In 2018, I authored a study , alongside Thomson Reuters and Women of Influence, that looked at how TPS specifically affected women in the workplace in Canadian companies. The research looked at the relationship women have with their co-workers and superiors, and how that relationship influences not just their productivity, but also their psychological well-being.

The study was jarring. We found that of the 1,500+ respondents, 87.3 percent felt that their achievements at work were undermined by colleagues or superiors. Over 80 percent said they had experienced hostility and were ostracized or penalized at work because of their success at their job. “In my first few weeks at a new job, I received praise for something I had done in a weekly email from the boss,” said one participant. “Co-workers openly stated their jealousy and talked about it all week. It ended up being embarrassing rather than rewarding. This has set the tone for me not wanting to declare any achievements or try to move ahead in this role. I know I will be cut down.”

Tall Poppy Syndrome has impacts beyond the corporate world and begins long before women enter the workforce. Although the findings in the study were shocking, in many ways, they simply reaffirmed something many of us already knew; there are consequences to being successful.

“After having joined the organization at a director HR level, I was promoted two years later to the position of vice-president,” said a respondent. “This promotion caused a rapid deterioration in what had been a positive working relationship with my colleagues. Previous peers resented my success and the individuals on the executive leadership team became distant and openly distrustful.”

For this respondent, who she was before her promotion didn’t seem to matter anymore. The relationships she cultivated and the impact she had on the office were irrelevant; she had become the opponent because she dared to be great. She dared to realize her potential. In the study, 64.7 percent of respondents reported that they had suffered lower self-esteem, 60.3 percent said they downplay their achievements and no longer speak about their accomplishments with others, and 46.2 percent began engaging in negative self-talk.

The impact of TPS is layered, with consequences that are detrimental for the individual, corporations, and for the general collective. But change is possible, and it starts with us, all of us, at home, in schools and in the workplace. We can no longer normalize teaching young girls to play small for the comfort of others. For employers, solutions to TPS can be implemented in different ways, which is especially important for retaining top talent. It first starts with acknowledging that this is occurring in our workplaces and each of us leading by example.

Let's stop just asking ourselves why there are not more women in leadership roles and start asking ourselves what happens to women when they get there.

For more data, quotes, and the whitepaper: www.tallestpoppy.ca