When We Share Our Stories: You’re going to make me cry.

This edition is dedicated to the leaders and colleagues that have made space for my joy, frustration, and tears at work. Thank you for seeing all of me.

Welcome to minutiae, where we talk about the little things that shape our organizations.

From Monday morning small talk to the unspoken rules about who sits where in the conference room, there are countless tiny parts of organizational life that influence how we connect, collaborate, and innovate together.?If you’ve ever wondered why we do what we do, or thought of better ways to cultivate purpose and effectiveness at work, I think you’ll find your people here.

Regular editions drop on the 4th Monday of the month (with the occasional special release here and there), so if you want to stay connected, just hit subscribe.

This edition marks the second installment in our two-part "When We Share Our Stories" series, and today we’re discussing a topic many shy away from: showing and sharing our emotions at work.

I’ve always struggled with feeling feelings.?

And at work the struggle was amplified. The idea of sharing my emotions with my colleagues felt particularly uncomfortable, vulnerable, and even dangerous. If I'm sad? Well, I don't want to be the one casting a dark cloud over the team. Angry? God forbid I get the label of the "angry black woman". Even outward displays of happiness can have their downsides… stoicism just seemed easier, more suited to my personality. So, I embraced a demeanor of pleasant neutrality—never too high, never too low.

Though I didn’t know it at the time, this numbing of emotion was harming me psychologically, physically, and in my relationships. And it wasn’t until the last few years that I realized denying this important part of the human experience at work wasn’t just unnecessary, but actually undermined the very organizational culture I was trying to help create.?

So today, we’re going to talk about the importance of sharing our feelings and the outward expressions of them at work.

The notion that we should be emotionless, endlessly efficient automatons when we come to work is not just unrealistic but also detrimental to the health of our people and organizations. And as we discussed two weeks ago in Words are hard., we can’t check our humanity at the door; emotions simply don't clock out when we clock in.

Emotions act as signals, indicating that something in our environment or within ourselves requires attention. In the work context, emotional cues can help us understand so much more about ourselves, our teams, and the work itself. For example, abnormally high anxiety before a meeting could signal to us that we need to prepare more or be more focused due to the stakes involved. Similarly, a sense of elation after completing a task could point to an alignment between our skills and passions, serving as a guide for future project involvement. And feeling sadness in the wake of a team member's personal tragedy can serve as a vivid reminder of our collective humanity. This emotional connection not only invites us to offer support but also fosters community building and deeper relationships, which correlate to higher performance, engagement, and innovation.

Aside from being a completely natural human experience, showing our emotions in healthy, prosocial ways can cultivate an atmosphere of trust, and being appropriately transparent about our emotional state invites others to do the same. This, in turn, creates a psychologically safe environment where emotions can be acknowledged, understood, and effectively navigated to achieve meaningful outcomes.

Contrast this with maintaining a stoic fa?ade. It might seem professional, but it can actually be counterproductive. If we don't display a reasonable emotional response to situations that call for it, dissonance can be created in ourselves and our teammates. They might wonder, “Are you engaged? Do you care? Can you be trusted?” Over time, this emotional disconnect can erode the very foundations of team cohesion.

Emotions, even strong ones like crying, are important modes of communication. They tell us something about our internal state, of course, but they also give us clues about our environment and unmet needs that may exist. When emotions are acknowledged rather than dismissed in ourselves and our teammates, it builds trust while enhancing our collective ability to adapt, care for each other, and problem-solve in complex scenarios.

So, what can we do to make our organizations a safe place for emotions? A few ideas…

Normalize the sharing of emotions. Create forums where it's okay to discuss emotional well-being. These forums don't have to be big or formal - it can be as simple and casual as a quick emoji check-in at the start of your meeting, prompting your team to share their emotional state before diving into your talking points. Incorporating these quick emotional check-ins serves a dual purpose: it destigmatizes emotional expression and provides meeting facilitators with valuable context, allowing them to adapt the meeting's tone, length, and agenda to better fit the emotional climate of the group.

Take a moment to acknowledge feelings. If your teammate begins to get emotional, don't awkwardly change the topic or try to make them stop or "fix" the situation. A simple acknowledgment, coupled with a willingness to be present with the person and listen, can go a long way. Remember, it’s not your job to fix the emotions, only to honor them.

Space to breathe. Sometimes a brief break is all that's needed to recalibrate emotionally. Make it a norm for your team to pause or postpone a meeting if needed, returning to the conversation once the emotions become more manageable. While this may not be feasible every time, acknowledging the need for space when possible can mitigate tension and lead to more productive dialogue down the line.

Training for empathy. As we begin to welcome emotions into our team interactions and norms, we have to remember the critical importance of empathy. And the good news here is that empathy isn't a fixed trait you either have or don't—it's a skill that can be honed with training, feedback, and practice. While trying out new techniques on colleagues during emotionally charged moments might not be the wisest idea, there are programs and tools out there that can give you the opportunity to practice behaviors that support empathetic relating in different scenarios, providing you with objective feedback on how you’re doing and where you can improve. If you're looking for something to help your team grow in this area, Scott Provence and I created an AI-powered, game-based training framework to develop empathy and other essential relational skills in teams, and we'd be happy to share more details and have you take it for a test drive (feel free to reach out to us directly or leave a note in the comments).

So I want to hear from you now... Do you feel comfortable sharing your emotions at work? How have these emotional moments impacted you and your team? Share your stories and insights in the comments.

More in the Research & On the Web

How To Harness The Power Of Emotions In The Workplace by Meghan Keane

Is Your Emotional Intelligence Authentic, or Self-Serving? by Ron Carucci

So, You Cried at Work by Melody Wilding