When Will We Finally Be Happy?

You suffer all Winter loudly complaining to anyone who will listen about how cold it is, so wet and dismal gray. You are incredulous that you can even survive this way. You tell yourself you just have to make it through, when this is over everything will be better. Spring finally comes but flirts so much it frutrates you, such a tease. A couple hot days gets you going just to be put off by a full week, (or three), of cold and rain. And so you complain, who wouldn't after all? Who wants to wait this long for Winter's end only to be denied decent weather?

Summer finally comes, it's June for goodness sake but it hits like a ton of bricks humidty and all. It's unbearable this heat, you really can't do a thing. You thank God for AC and then curse the bill.

We have such a habit of complaining it leaves so little time to be grateful or even notice the stuff that is good. 

We have a litany of complaints and a habit of waiting till everything is just so leaving a very small window of when we can be satisfied at all. First world problems of course but hey, we should not have to settle and why not have it all?

I think this pattern of waiting for ideal circumstances or situations combined with our habit of complaining and an entitled atitude undermines any hope we have for lasting happiness.

This plays out in all aspects of life not just the weather. Think of relationships where it can become a habit to hone in on negative habits and critcise or complain about a partner and totally diminish or completely miss the value and joy they bring to our lives. We may even pass on someone that could be a great fit because we are always searching and waiting for that ideal mate and are determined not to "settle".

Every aspect of our lives can fall prey to this complaining, lack of appreciation and sense of entitlement, it is a happiness killing trifecta. We do not even spare ourselves as we focus on small imperfections, missteps or shortcomings. We can torture ourselves with harsh self judgement and barely give ourselves credit for what we do well. When we accomplish great things we may minimize our achievements and find it uncomfortable to accept praise.

Why do we do this and how does it end?

I think we are wired to more heavily weigh negatives as part of our survival instinct to avoid what was not best for us but that is just a small part of it. We are also conditioned, particularly in our culture of wealth worship, commercialism and materalism to believe we can have whatever we want and furthermore we should. This type of thinking also leads us astray regarding what actually provides happiness and satisfaction but that is a whole other subject. But honestly, we are rather spoiled and when we do not get what we want or think we deserve, well it's not always pretty.

There is even a quasi- religion very popular now based on intentions and manifestations, firm in its teaching that you can be all and have all if you focus and believe enough. The downside of this, like most religions is the implication that if you attract less than what you want or something bad befalls you you have only yourself to blame thus undermining happiness once again.

We have so much available to us, more access to luxury and convenience than ever before but I do not think our level of happiness has increased much at all. In fact, many studies suggest that having less choices and living with more limitations and even struggles fosters more appreciation for the good things in life. 

 I am not much of a miniamlist, I enjoy the finer things in life although I know some folks that have gone that route and are happier than ever before. When we stop to objectively look at our lives we may find we have plenty to be happy about. Despite the horrific stories we hear on the news most people live in safety and the vast majority of people are good and kind. There is incredible beauty around us each day, in nature, music, art and each other, we simply have to open our eyes. When it gets right down to it the level of happiness and satisfaction we enjoy starts with a choice to let go of habits, influences and beliefs that undermine it.

I believe that we can begin to reclaim our highest level of happiness thus improving the quality of our lives by regular reality checks to shift our perspectives, developing a routine of gratitude and acting in more meaningful positive ways that honor our own values.

 Solid Steps for a Happier Life

• Jot down something good about everyday at night before going to sleep
• Balance negative comments in your relationships with a 5:1 ratio (5 positive :1 negative)
• Recognize what and who adds value to your life. Offer sincere thanks.
• Focus less on what you intend to get from the world and more on what you have to give it.
• Celebrate and build on all successes, big or small. 
• Accept that you are valuable as you are and do not have to do anything to earn more acceptance than that. Lighten up man.
• Again, that's the key. Self acceptance. More here https://www.lifescapestrategies.com/blog
• Catch your complaints and find something good to say instead. Flip it upside down. Refuse to look for what is wrong and focus on finding what is right.
• Cultivate kindness, compassion and generosity for yourself and others. If what you plan to do or say does not fall into one of those catagories you may want to rethink it.
• Focus on others happiness not at your expense but as a gift.
• List your top 10 values. Clarify what you think is most important in life and make decisions that honor that.
• Plug in. Be involved in something you care about. 
• Start a practice to reduce stress and ward of depression. Meditation and exercise done regularly have tremendous evidence to be highly effective. Be still and get moving everyday. (Sign up below)
• Stop comparisons. There will always be someone that seemingly has or is something more than you in some way. Flip it, there are millions more that could look at you and say the same. Comparison is a useless and false game no one wins. It serves to make you feel bad about yourself and resentful of someone else.
• Know what makes you feel good and do it. A lot.
• Focus on now. Do not wait. Have fun, appreciate and enjoy the gift of the present. This, whatever it is at the moment is enough, let it be.

"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass it is about learning to dance in the rain"

Vivian Greene