When is tolerance too much?

We hear a lot about tolerance and inclusivity these days, and I think 99% of the time, that's a great and wonderful thing... when people act on it.

But what about that 1%?

Before we dive into that, I want to know, have you ever been told that you're too tolerant? That you have too much hope or faith in people?

It's a recurring theme coming up in my life, lately.

Which is something of a shock in the context of boundaries being something I thought I had gotten decent at. But I can see some shortcomings: in meetings I occasionally let people talk over me, rather than asserting myself and calling out that I was speaking, or that someone else was just speaking and they interrupted.

The wonderful world of online dating has led to a few interesting encounters relevant to the subject too. Without going into a lot of detail though, I want to posit an important sub-question.

What do you consider to be "one chance"?

To clarify, in my personal life, I give people two chances - one to screw up, and one to show that growth. I'm more tolerant at work, especially with newbies, because I understand our department has a lot of complexity and nuance.

Most recently, that one chance was a two month period, summarized and squished into one. There were multiple mistreatments, miscommunications and a small rainbow of coloured flags, yet I persisted.

Would you tolerate that sort of poor behaviour from someone, anyone close to you in life? Someone you want in your life? Or perhaps, wanted?

In short, I told myself that this singular period was one chance, because it was essentially the same pattern with the same root cause - this person had some serious trauma in their life and, while they had gone through therapy and had some tools, obviously hadn't fully reckoned with the full scope of impact within themselves.

If anyone noticed me feeling like crap back in March, that'd be why.

I know I just asked, but the reason I asked is that toleration of people's bad behaviour and red flags is a personal decision. I got too close into something that seemed like it could have been wonderful, amazing, and ultimately long term.

Until things caught fire.

Once they were out, I made an offer of a genuine second chance - maybe if things were just a little different, we were just a bit more aware, they could be better.

I honestly can't think of a good example of interpersonal conflict in the workplace - it's usually way more serious and there's always HR or ER to step in.

But if you can think of a situation, would you please share it below, and tell us - what would you do? Would you tolerate it?

Do you believe in second chances? Or am I a fool to think most people can take deeply personal feedback and be willing to turn it around into a revelation?