When the time is right...?
Lauren Palmer (Cavilli)
Vice President, AMER Helping High Growth Tech Companies Succeed. My Manhattan Era.
Egg freezing is the hot topic of discussion at the moment. But is this advancement of modern medicine a step in the right direction, offering women the chance to delay parenthood for when the time is right, rather than dictated by their biological clock, or is this offering us a false sense of fertility security? As more and more businesses start to offer this as a fertility benefit, is this the most controversial work benefit out there, or is this championing female empowerment? I decided to discover myself...
Enter the maternal quandary of a 34 year old…
A 34 year old whose current mission is to continue to climb the ranks of the business world and who lives an incredibly fulfilling and rich life with her boyfriend but, who would ‘potentially’ like to become a mother one day.
The ‘panic years’ they call it.
The years where you start to become a little more attune to the rhythms of your body, to societal pressures of what you ‘should’ be doing as a woman at this age and leaning slightly more into the rhetoric we are fed from a young age on fears of egg depletion, as you acclimatize to descriptions of ‘geriatric mother’ around discussions of your own fertility.
Where dinner party conversations and casual friend catch up’s so easily traverse to ‘when are you guys getting married’ and ‘plans to have a baby?’ instead of curiosity on challenges and successes of the year, goals, intentions and aspirations.
I certainly don’t hear the same language or sense of alarm around discussions of sperm volume reduction in men as they age or, the importance of ownership by vows as the focal point of any conversation.
I do wonder how they would respond to society telling them that from the age of 20, they really must consider this as optimum time for sacrifice, to give up their bodies to focus on the domestication of parenthood, potentially facing career challenges along the way as you try to balance both the demands of work and motherhood.
Enter modern medicine.
I had heard about egg freezing from a few friends and had read a few articles on it, resonating with those that offered comments framed around a lens of female empowerment, allowing those that ‘were not ready yet’ (whether in a relationship or not) to take their future into their own hands and to give themselves options. This sounded right up my street, so I thought I would take the dive.
According to a study by the London Women’s Clinic in 2019, over 50% of companies in the UK now offer egg freezing as an employee benefit, particularly in the fields of technology and finance, where we see a high proportion of female representation, including the likes of Google, Facebook and Apple leading the charge. If you are thinking about this as an option, it is certainly worth looking into your company's fertility benefits and whether you might be covered.
Egg freezing uses a technique called egg vitrification. The process involves dehydrating the egg, placing it in a small tube and immersing it in liquid nitrogen, which cools the egg from 25C to -196C in just a couple of seconds. They say that a woman who freezes eggs at the age of 30, boosts her chances of successful IVF at 40 years.?
However, many are concerned at the narrative being fed that if you freeze your eggs, ‘you will be fine’. It is therefore really important that if you decide to move forward, you enter into this process with an open mind and understand that there are so many things that can deem whether it can be a success or not.
This includes many factors during the treatment cycle itself and also fertilization success rates, should you wish to use your eggs later down the line. If you are choosing to go through this, please ensure you are realistic with expectation and acknowledge all kinds of emotions. It can at times feel overwhelming.
I also believe that companies offering this as an employee benefit should work to message correctly to the women who might choose to go down this route, educating them on the nuances of success and ensuring this is a personal decision they are supporting, not one at all dictated or manipulated by business intentions.
However for me, it felt like a wonderfully comforting opportunity at this stage in my life, taking off any pressure that I should be having a baby NOW, just because my biological clock or society said so. Instead, my partner and I can support each other through the journey of deciding when, or when it isn’t, the right time for us, giving ourselves as many options as possible.
领英推è
A few things I have learnt during this process:
Women’s bodies are amazing.
Men really have no idea how ovary pain really feels – we are warriors!
?The art of sacrifice (no exercise, wine or coffee – say what!!)
Hormones are wild things, be prepared for the ride.
Injections really are not that bad.
If you are fortunate enough to work for a company that offer egg freezing as a corporate benefit, be privileged enough to use it, but be realistic with expectations on the process and make sure it is right for YOU.
Be open and honest with your business about what you are going through. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I was wonderfully supported throughout the whole process and you will need flexibility to attend sporadic hospital appointments.
The whole experience for me has felt like such an achievement from recognising this was the right thing to do, being privileged enough to be able afford it and putting my body through it for the two-week treatment cycle. Remember to support friends who are going through this. This is just as important as getting engaged, married or becoming pregnant. This is a huge life event centered on big decisions and one that should be celebrated and supported.
I am so glad I did it, but I am more than aware it isn’t for everyone and whether we choose, or can, become mothers or not, this shouldn’t define us or be the only part of our identity. We are multi-faceted beings, all on our own crazy journey that we call life.
*This article is written in the perspective of a woman identifying as heterosexual. Please note, I am more than aware, there are many ways that egg freezing is used across all sexual identities and for many different reasons, this was just my experience, at this time in my life.*
References:
Internal communications professional
2 å¹´Wishing you well on this journey and all that is involved in the time ahead. Such a thoughtful piece, and I am sure very helpful to those who are contemplating all this. I was an "older mother" at 38 and 39 (I think at the time there were some "acceptable" terms back then in the medical lexicon that wouldn't fly now!!).
Sponsorship Director for IQPC - Energy, Industrials & Manufacturing Division
2 å¹´Lauren Palmer thank you for sharing your experience, you will inspire and empower others that may not have the same courage or have a voice. So grateful to have you in my life as both a colleague and a friend.
That was an amazing read. Hats off to you (as ever). Hope you're well.
Senior Strategist at Foundry (formerly IDG) I Award-winning Brand, Communications Expert I Result driven integrated marketing specialist
2 å¹´Admire you more Lauren Palmer! For both...your sheer courage and vulnerability. I am sure this will be an informative and inspiring read for many.
B2B Growth Marketer | SaaS | Go-To-Market Strategy | Demand Generation | ABM | Project Management
2 å¹´Thanks for sharing your personal experience, Lauren. Awesome read! ??