When Things Go Sideways

Greetings a day late, Flow Community! I know I said this week we would continue where we left off with wrapping up our values and beliefs work, but today, I'm going to interrupt our flow (see what I did there? ;)) and talk about the important concept of pivoting.

My Pivot

Before I go further, don't worry. I'm not pivoting away from Flow Culture, MEND, or anything growth related. My pivot is a short-term, but necessary trip back to Montana. Great Falls, to be exact. I arrived here Wednesday night after teaching the Leadership Alchemy sold out event, and wow, it's rough to go from the dopamine hit of watching people transform right in front of you - witnessing years of frustration lifting from their bodies, to arriving back home, to a place that used to be filled with my mom's energy, that now holds only her belongings.

She passed away, just three weeks after her 87th birthday, and this is the first time I've been back since early March, when I saw her to say aloha 'oe. The house is so quiet now. It is surreal to be sorting through her belongings, leaving some for my brothers, and sending the rest to charity.

It's uncomfortable. And sad. And it represents a transition that somehow, in the midst of all the sorting and throwing, made me think of pivoting. Because when things go sideways, when a transition is forced upon us that takes us off guard, pivoting is often the only option we're left to pursue.

I've watched, and participated in, a few pivots over the span of my consulting career, and I've noticed three distinct patterns when leaders are faced with a surprise transition:

1. Hustle Bro Hypester - These folks jump wholeheartedly into a facade, readily creating their elevator pitch for the "why" and the "how" but completely missing the fact that there is an emotional component to consider. Often, once the perceived threat passes, these folks burn out and the experimentation begins - alcohol, drugs, "microdosing" that turns into macrodosing - leaving a path of destruction in the wake of their disassociation.
2. Avoidant Anarchist - This leader starts a fire with her vengeance, lets her rage fuel it into an inferno of hostility, and then goes dark on everyone and everything after her anger has flamed out and she's burnt bridge after bridge to the very people who could actually help her.
3. Resilient Relator - This leader knows that it is okay to feel all the unpleasant feelings that accompany transitions and allows themself the space to process. They know to call on their circle of support to express the anger and sadness in healthy ways rather than lashing out, and then they draw on their superpowers of connection and curiosity to forge a path forward, but only after feeling all the feels and working through the emotional toll surprise transitions inevitably take.

The Lesson: Resilience

It's that last style - the Resilient Relator - that resonates most deeply with me as I take this emotional journey, and as I reflect on my own pivot in this moment, I want to offer some science-based recommendations for building resilience, especially when life throws a curveball and you're faced with transitions that feel overwhelming:

1. Acknowledge Your Emotions: Research shows that allowing yourself to feel emotions, rather than suppressing them, is crucial for emotional regulation. This process, often called "emotional granularity," helps you understand and manage your feelings, leading to more effective coping strategies.
2. Lean on Your Social Network: Connection is a key factor in building resilience. Studies on resilience in stressful life events highlight the importance of having a strong social support system. Whether it's friends, family, or a professional network, sharing your burden makes the load lighter.
3. Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness-based stress reduction (MBSR) has been shown to lower anxiety and improve emotional resilience. By staying present and non-judgmental, you create space to process difficult emotions and make clear-headed decisions during a pivot.
4. Cultivate Curiosity: One of the hallmarks of resilient leaders is their ability to stay curious, even in the face of uncertainty. Research shows that approaching challenges with a learning mindset fosters adaptability and creative problem-solving.
5. Prioritize Rest and Self-Care: Resilience isn't just about bouncing back; it’s about maintaining your well-being throughout the process. Prioritizing sleep, nutrition, and physical activity ensures you have the energy to manage stress effectively.

Next week, we’ll be back to our regularly scheduled content, diving deeper into the work we started on values and beliefs. But for now, take a moment to pause, breathe, and reflect on where you are on your own journey of resilience.

Until then, stay curious and connected, Flow Community. <3