When Things Get Heated Kindness is Needed

?Since 55 delegates gathered in Philadelphia during the hot summer of 1787 to hammer out the nation’s constitution, partisanship has defined the American experience. Right now, especially in the wake of the January 6th hearings and the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade, Americans are weathering a particularly contentious storm.

?On top of these events, however, a maelstrom of disinformation, manufactured discontent, and cultural discord has made respectful compromise with “the other side” increasingly difficult for many people.

?Families are breaking apart. Long-term friendships are ending.

?But securing the viability of what George Washington called American democracy “the last great experiment for promoting human happiness” will require a détente in civil hostilities and a concerted effort to seek higher ground. To break free from the siloed cycle in which we currently find ourselves spinning, lawmakers, judges, and community activists must stop playing politics. And we American citizens must do our part by seeking common ground with those we view as adversaries.

?Can We Bridge the Divide?

?People on both sides may hold their noses at the prospect, but bridging the divide that separates us will take grassroots efforts on public and personal fronts.

?How do we do that? How can we clear a path to good-faith debate? How can we salvage relationships with friends and family who hold wildly different beliefs than our own? To start, we must understand and internalize three critical facts:

?1. The human brain is highly fallible and prone to suggestion

?2. Algorithms have altered our perception of reality

?3. Experience and exposure shape our worldviews

?If we remember these three facts when debating the opposition and appreciate the humility they engender, finding our collective way may become a bit easier — or, at the very least, a touch less heated.

?The Human Brain Is Highly Fallible and Susceptible to Manipulation

?Yes, humans can possess exceptional intellect — yet our brains are far from perfect. We’re programmed to survive, which sometimes means our brains play tricks on us.?

?Studies consistently conclude that we, the people, are highly susceptible to manipulation on both conscious and subconscious levels. Moreover, we’re prone to overconfidence and regularly engage in moral hypocrisy.

?In blunter words: we often think we’re a lot kinder, smarter, and more logical than we are. Psychologists say that this superiority illusion can actually be a beneficial way of dealing with harsh realities.

?However, it can also make us more susceptible to targeted propaganda. According to some estimates, up to 10,000 pieces of marketing assault us daily — all pushing an emotional agenda to grab our attention.

?So how do brains sift through the onslaught? For starters, they take shortcuts and make subconscious associations. Second, they prioritize information we already agree with because it’s less stressful. Third, our brains favor content that provides easy answers to complex problems.

?And when data-gathering algorithms are thrown into the mix, things can get messy.

?Algorithms Are Messing With Our Minds

?On one level, social media is a wonderful and convenient way to keep in touch with friends and family. But the marketing aspects make things more complicated. Algorithms are watching our every move, and advertisers depend on the data they collect to craft highly personalized ads that exploit our fears and desires.

?Filter bubbles — a technological trend Eli Pariser warned the world about in 2011 — are another major problem. Also called “digital echo chambers,” filter bubbles are born of behavioral tracking. Many people brush off targeted marketing concerns, thinking it only affects the types of ads they’re served. They may even reason: I prefer ads relevant to my needs and lifestyle.

?But in reality, according to scientists, filter bubbles also have the power to shape our ideologies. Not only are they feeding us highly relevant advertisements, but platforms are programmed to shield us from disagreeable content. We’ve reached a point where the search results for democrats and republicans don’t look anything alike for the same query. The lack of exposure to opposing views makes us more rigid and less capable of handling disagreement. Increasingly, everything feels like an “attack.”

?Matt Sharpe, an associate professor of philosophy at Deakin University, explained that behavioral advertising firms and social media companies leverage the time-emotion dichotomy to manipulate our perceptions. “They know we each have scarce resources in terms of time,” he said, “so [social media platforms and advertisers] try to feed us material that hits upon ‘activating emotions’: anger, hatred, outrage, [and] lust.” He added that these intentional emotional triggers make everybody “angry at the other person,” noting that in most cases, “the other person feels the same way.”

?Experience Shapes Us

?Experience shapes us, and thanks to our brains’ malleable natures, we’re highly influenced by our surroundings. As a result, our communities mold our mores and values. Generally speaking, from a socio-evolutionary standpoint, rebels are rare.

?Encouragingly, studies suggest that most people respect the greater good and try to do right by one another. Unfortunately, our experiences guide us toward wildly different solutions. And now, thanks to algorithmic complications, it’s becoming increasingly difficult to walk those proverbial miles in other peoples’ shoes, which ultimately hinders our ability to reach equitable compromises and find common cause.

?Establishing Personal Boundaries

?Sometimes, affection isn’t possible. For example, expecting members of minoritized and marginalized groups to gracefully and quietly accept explicit and implicit prejudices is unreasonable. Justice and equality are “inalienable rights.”

?But when we cannot befriend someone, we can still interact with kindness and civility. It is possible to disagree with another person without ratcheting the vitriol to DEFCON red. And the more we hash out our differences with people “on the other side,” sometimes simply agreeing to “live and let live,” the faster we’ll be able to develop viable solutions that will keep the country moving forward.