When Success Follows Your Own Rules

What Does Success Mean to You?

For a long time, success meant meeting other people’s expectations. Like many, I grew up being evaluated—by grades at school, by goals at work, or by constant comparisons to my peers. I vividly remember moments like these:

• “What’s the class average?”
• “Why didn’t you get a promotion this year?”
• “Have you seen what your colleague just accomplished?”

It was always about measuring up: “What do others think of me? Am I good enough? Am I worthy?”

But one day, a significant failure forced me to redefine this notion. I remember the weight of shame and self-doubt, the overwhelming fear of what others might think. And then, gradually, a realization dawned: What matters isn’t what others think.

What truly matters is how I choose to bounce back—and, most importantly, how I measure my success.

How Do You Measure Success Today?

When you think about it, many of us have been taught from childhood to evaluate ourselves in comparison to others:

• “You got a good grade, but is it the best in the class?”
• “You succeeded, but look at what your neighbor did.”

And this mindset doesn’t stop in adulthood. In the workplace, it persists. Prestigious titles, impressive salaries, flashy numbers—these become society’s benchmarks for what it means to "succeed."

For years, I operated in this model, conditioned to validate my achievements through external recognition—whether from managers, peers, or even platforms like LinkedIn, that social mirror that can feel so merciless.

But the more I tried to meet these expectations, the more I drifted away from what truly matters: my own vision of success.

?? Take a moment to reflect: What does success mean to you? Write down three criteria that define success for you personally. Then compare them with the expectations you feel from others. Are they aligned? If not, what needs to change?

? Lesson Learned: The real question isn’t whether I measure up to others’ expectations, but whether I’m in alignment with myself.

Failure as a Stepping Stone: The Courage to Bounce Back

In European cultures, failure is often seen as a stigma—something to hide or downplay.

But in the U.S., failure is "almost" celebrated. It’s viewed as a normal step on the journey, proof that you’ve taken risks and pushed boundaries.

?? Take Steve Jobs. Fired from Apple, the company he founded, Jobs could have given up. Instead, he turned this failure into an opportunity. He built Pixar, revolutionized animation, and later returned to Apple to transform it into one of the world’s most iconic companies.

?? What about Oprah Winfrey? Deemed "too emotional" by her first employers, she could have walked away. Instead, she turned this perceived weakness into her greatest strength. Her authenticity and humanity became the cornerstones of the media empire she built.

?? And finally, Martha Stewart. After a public fall from grace and time spent in prison, she could have disappeared from the spotlight. But instead, she rebuilt her empire and reinvented her image, proving that failure is never final.

? Lesson Learned: These stories remind us that failure isn’t the end—it’s an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, to learn, and to carve out a new path.

"When I experienced my own failure, I initially felt stuck in shame and self-doubt. But looking at figures like Jobs and Winfrey, I realized failure was not the end of my story—it was the beginning of a new chapter."

The Weight of External Perceptions: Overcoming the Fear of Judgment

?? A defining moment in my journey: When I faced a major "challenge" in my career, my first reaction wasn’t to focus on solutions. No, my initial reaction was fear—fear of what others would think:

• “What will my family say?”
• “What will my former colleagues or managers think?”
• “And on LinkedIn, how will this moment be perceived?”

This fear paralyzed me. For weeks, I felt stuck, weighed down by the need to meet others’ expectations.

But then I started to ask myself: Who defines success—others or me? I began shifting my focus from worrying about others’ opinions to creating a path that felt authentic. I let the noise fade and started taking small, meaningful steps forward.

? Key Takeaway: People don’t care about our failures as much as we think they do. What truly matters is what we choose to do with that failure.

Responsible Ambition: Building Without Burning Out

Is it possible to be ambitious without sacrificing serenity? Yes—but it takes intentionality.

?? For me, this means:

• Owning my results without being a slave to pressure.
• Refusing unnecessary stress by staying calm and focused.
• Aligning my goals with my limits while staying committed.

?? A personal example: One day, a manager said to me: “You never seem stressed. How do you manage that?” My response: "Stress is counterproductive. It doesn’t help me think or act effectively. By staying calm, I can make clear decisions. And this calmness is contagious—it reassures my team, my clients, and ultimately drives better performance."

When pressure builds, I consciously pause and ask myself: What’s in my control? What can I let go of? This simple exercise helps me reset, regain focus, and maintain a clear perspective.

? Lesson Learned: Serenity isn’t a luxury; it’s a strategy. It allows us to build sustainable, meaningful performance.

And You?

When I think of figures like Steve Jobs, Oprah Winfrey, or Martha Stewart, I’m reminded that it’s possible to face failure, to stumble, to doubt... and to rise again, even stronger.

?? Here’s a challenge for you: Take 10 minutes this week to redefine what success means to you. Write down three ways your definition can better align with your values and aspirations. Then, the next time you face a failure, ask: What’s the lesson? How can I use this to rise again?

?? What about you? How do you turn your failures into opportunities? What moments of doubt have helped you grow and reinvent yourself?

Because in the end, it’s not our failures that define us. It’s what we choose to do with them.

#Leadership #Resilience #Inspiration #Reinvention