When Strong Personalities Collide: 3 Ways to Turn Leadership Friction into Force

There's a moment in executive leadership that no one prepares you for: when you realize you're surrounded by brilliant people who all think you're doing it wrong.

I just lived through this. As an Executive Director in a global organization, I found myself among exceptional leaders - each with strong convictions about how things should be done. A visionary leader generating ideas faster than we can capture them. A systems thinker who believes every challenge needs the right process. A technical leader who needs complete clarity before moving forward.

And here I am in the middle - someone who loves big ideas and rapid execution but also appreciates solid process. It's an unusual position: a quick-start visionary who sees merit in structure.

At first, I saw these differences as problems to solve. I spent sleepless nights wondering how to get everyone aligned. But something unexpected happened: while I was worrying about our differences, we were actually making remarkable progress. This contrast between perceived chaos and actual success revealed something crucial: The difference between fighting different styles and unleashing their brilliance isn't about changing others - it's about acceptance.

The realization emerged through dozens of individual conversations. In one-on-ones, I'd hear the visionary paint seemingly impossible possibilities. The systems thinker would explain how the right process could solve any challenge. The technical leader would share why detailed specifications were non-negotiable. Initially, these different worldviews felt like obstacles. But as I let go of judgment, I saw how each perspective created a natural balance.

Let's be honest: We all secretly believe our way is the "right" way. The fast-moving leaders get frustrated with the process people ("Why can't they just move faster?"). The systems thinkers get anxious about the visionaries ("If they'd just follow the process..."). The technical experts get overwhelmed by constant change ("If we could just lock down requirements...").

I was guilty of it too. But here's what I've learned about working with brilliant people who think differently: The very differences that drive us crazy are often the ones that drive us forward. Once I understood this, everything changed.

3 Ways to Turn Friction into Force:

Stop Trying to Fix Other People's "Wrong"?

The breakthrough came when I recognized my own need to be "right" - that subtle, almost unconscious drive to control how others think and work. We all do this. We see a different approach and immediately try to correct it, improve it, or change it to match our own. The moment I stopped trying to control how others operated and instead accepted their different approaches, everything shifted. What looks like someone being "wrong" is often just them being different - and that difference might be exactly what your organization needs.

Learn to Speak Multiple Languages?

With our technical leader, I follow his process but negotiate flexibility by always explaining 'why' it's needed. With our systems thinker, I'll preface conversations with "I just need to be heard" so he doesn't jump to solutions before understanding the full picture. With our visionary, I use "yes, and" language to affirm his brilliant ideas while helping ground them in reality.

Look for the Balance You Didn't Know You Needed?

What started as friction between styles turned out to be exactly what we needed. Our visionary's bold ideas become achievable through our technical leader's precision. Our systems thinker's processes help us scale what works and stop repeating what doesn't. The tension between different styles isn't the problem - it's the solution.

The real truth about leadership success isn't about getting everyone to think like you - it's about creating space for different types of brilliance to strengthen each other. Your best outcomes will come not from resolving differences, but from learning to harness them.

I'm curious: How do you handle working with leaders whose thinking style is radically different from yours?