When strengths become the opposite - Lessons from a Compassionate Leadership Style

Over the past couple of weeks, I have had several moments where I have questioned the sanity of people around me – both personally and in business. Moments when I could not believe what I was hearing, and I was convinced that either I or the other party were losing their minds entirely. This has led me to think a bit deeper about what could be the root cause of those “Are you out of your mind?” situations, making me think that there are times when our biggest strengths could become weaknesses, or at best minor hurdles to cross. Out of this journey, I have learned three valuable lessons.

Lesson 1: The projection issue

This is when someone has problems, fears or doubts and rather than tackle them head-on, they choose to project it onto you, blaming you for the issues. This has happened to me a few times over the past couple of weeks. What has always been a strength of mine was to be compassionate and understanding, both in business and in my personal life. When it becomes a weakness, however, is when you decide to carry the burden on behalf of that other person.

Lesson: If I did something wrong, both in business and personally, I would gladly take the blame. However, if I had no hand in what has caused you anxiety, grief, or anguish, then I am going to pass it straight back to you. I cannot be held responsible for others’ mistakes or lapses in judgement – everyone must take responsibility for their actions.

Lesson 2: The “we made a mistake, but cannot admit it” issue

This is particularly true in business – when a decision is made and down the line, it seems like it was shortsighted, often the easiest way is to steamroll to try and find a solution. What has always been a strength of mine is to find solutions that would best meet my client’s needs, putting them first and working tirelessly to solve the problem for them.

Lesson: Sometimes decisions are made that are possibly not the most suitable in the long term, but sometimes the best way forward is to let them learn from their mistakes by letting them fall on their swords. Don’t fix it to be the hero – let the lesson be learnt, it might prevent future errors in judgement.

Lesson 3: The rehearsed meeting that is supposed to be spur-of-the-moment

There are times when you must have difficult meetings that are to solve an immediate issue, particularly where a brand is at risk. What has always been a strength of mine is to trust that I understand the client and the situation so that I can walk in prepared, with solutions and be ready for anything.

Lesson: Never trust too much in business, never become complacent and never let your guard down. Fortunately, I am quite perceptive and when a narrative has been rehearsed to lead to a specific outcome, it is obvious. Always be on your guard – if your gut tells you there is something sinister going on, there usually is.

There are times when you need to accept defeat and there are times when you need to fight to win. This is true in both personal and professional relationships. Learn when to walk away and learn when it’s a fight worth fighting. But to see the difference takes maturity, emotional intelligence and sometimes just guts.

It’s a difficult balance to strike, but sometimes we must.