When Someone Tries To Put You in A Box:

You know that suffocating feeling?

That moment of apprehension, or minuscule panic?

Knowing it's not what you want.

Wondering how something was miscommunicated.

Wondering how to get out of it.

The brain focused on escape instead of resolve.

"I just want the pressure eased off!"

Have you ever felt that way?

Fuck, I loved escaping.

Whether it was through drinking, emotionally disconnecting, or running away, I adored it.

It was my favourite form of self-sabotage.

I still check-in to make sure I'm doing something because the reasons are positive instead of avoidant.

I used to say I had a masculine mentality when it came to relationships and s3x.

What I learned was I liked really clear communication and the freedom to be me.

I liked when I said what something was, that person didn't try and change my mind.

I liked when people didn't try to change me.

I like when they encouraged and shared in my wackiness and sense of adventure.

These are ways men/women grow up differently. (Trans/nonbinary especially know about how gender-conforming society can be.)

And from the feminine perspective, I also craved that safe feeling.

The balance of wanting to take care of someone, and wanting to be taken care of.

To be held, to be appreciated, to be listened to.

We've been taught we can only be masculine or feminine.

We've been taught it's negative to show traits not associated with the gender we look like.

Excuse me?

We've been taught that relationships are supposed to be a certain way.

That there's a "normal" way.

Fuck that.

Relationships are customized to what works best for you and who you're in a relationship with.

Your "intimate life" is customized to how you want it to be.

High libido, low libido, asexual.

Kinky, not kinky.

Monogamous, consensually-nonmonogamous, polyamourous.

Straight, gay, pan, all the different labels for each way someone describes themselves, it's all alright.

Macho, butch, poof, pansy, emo, bitch, slut, prude.

Who a person is with one doesn't necessarily mean they are the same with another person.

No expectations. No judgments.

Be honest, be clear about what you want. Don't lead anyone on or omit solely to get your way.

And if you don't want to be in a box, don't try and put anyone else in one either.

Be open, be grateful for someone sharing their perspectives.

Move from panic and escaping, to being clear and upfront.

Be sober when having important discussions.

Make a plan to resolve issues instead of avoid or procrastinate on them.

And as always, work with someone if you want to make this process easier on yourself.

If this resonated with you, share it/send me a pm.

#FIXyourlife #coaching #relationships #patterns #escaping #tools #avoid #resolve