When silence overtook the conversation

There are situations where the silence is a good strategy specially when the person on the another site of the table is so much eloquent that you can take advantage of the information he provide. However you must be very careful in your strategy because a forced silence could be understand as an aggressive behavior of your part and turn the bargain in an uncomfortable or hostile situation.

Absolutely “Yes”. The perfect time for silence, is when all bases are covered. Objections are addressed, and you ask for the order. Extend the contract, hold out the pen. Typically, the first person who speaks, “loses" right then and there. It's quite effective. I once sat in silence for 20 minutes, maybe longer. Not with a pen extended. Just one decision maker, with his ancillary staff waiting outside. And, me. What are they doing in there?!?

I did close the deal. It's a bullseye move…a tool to keep in one's repertoire of closes. It should be proceeded by trial closes, which should be carefully crafted to advance the ultimate objective. In this case, the “others" once in the room were the impediments. It was now his decision. It's mental chess. It's just one tool that took my earnings to a whole different level. This is just one reason the top 5% sales person earns more than the other 95%, and in some industries the other 95% earnings…combined.

In relationships, the silence treatment per se, it is not productive. Good communication is so important. A period of silence, as in pausing before I speak is wise. If I am unsure of the question, I repeat it back. I think silence can be effective, similar to my sales closing objective. Should you stay, or leave? At some point, everyone faces these hurdles. I'd prefer yes or no, compared to a lukewarm death…which is a delayed ending, not a solution. If “yes" next steps need to be communicated. If “no" it's done. Agree to disagree, part amicably if possible.

Communication is flow charted. Fundamentally we are computers, with emotions that run interference. Healthy decision making sometimes requires a period of consideration. It is manipulative. I think a good sales person in an industry which requires longer term relationships has to have their customer's best interests in mind too. Many people like to have their mind made up for them… at least occasionally…it's true. When someone makes an offer, sometimes if you are silent (also looking disappointed may help) they will improve their offer or say something suggesting they can do better inviting you to make an offer so they will counter with something better than their previous offer.

How could embracing silence work to your advantage during negotiations? It doesn’t, in my opinion, the objective of negotiation is to come to a solution that is acceptable to both parties, and will last over time. A basic requirement for that is a good understanding of each others’ point of views and preferences. So communication is essential. And silence does not work. Silence is sometimes used as a bullying tactic, but is never part of negotiating in good faith. You can suggest to skip an issue and address it later, while you solve other issues; but eventually you will have to address that particular issue.

There can be issues that are sensitive, hard to talk about ; in my experience I have always felt that there was a benefit to address these particular issues openly, clearly and precisely, that is : - what is acceptable, what is not acceptable, - what are your expectations, - what are the essential characteristics you are looking for - what are your limits, have you ever listened to a masterpiece in music, where there’s a brief period of silence, or a pause? Same thing with conversation or negotiation.

One of the biggest mistakes most sales people make is that they talk too much, or that they talk themselves out of a deal. Ask more questions to the point where you’re talking 20% of the time, and the other person is answering questions 80% of the time. This way you’ll gather more information and will be in a better position to provide solutions. The medical industry is replete with doctors asking questions about your symptoms, when and what you eat, how long you’ve experienced these problems etc, and only then provides a solution after they’ve gathered enough information.

You cannot provide solutions in negotiations if you’re the one talking most of the time. Silence sometimes allows you to ponder and think, and provide a space in which to offer a useful solution. It’s got a real name, but whoever talks first, loses basically. Sometimes you want the other person to mentally process and then verbalize their thoughts back to you so you have to be quiet and listen to them. You can also learn to watch their eyes while they are processing, which is kind of cool too! Cheers!