When Is It Sex, and When Is It Sexual Abuse or Assault?

Chances are, many of you reading this have experienced sexual violence or know someone who has. Unfortunately, intense shame around sex confuses the path to healing for many people who have experienced trauma.

I want to clearly define the difference between sex and sexual abuse. My goal is to help everyone review their past and present encounters more accurately, and move towards self-compassion, healing, and meaningful relationships. You are entitled to a healthy sex life which you want and enjoy.

Many sexual abuse survivors feel shame, guilt or fault about themselves for what happened. They may feel this way for years after the abuse has stopped. Survivors may even become unsure whether a past experience was actually abuse or assault—believing they must have done something to “cause” the event to happen.

Sexual abuse can leave a person feeling mixed up about his or her own sexual feelings. Confusion blurs a person’s sense of healthy sexual desire and trauma-related fantasy. Self-doubt can persist especially if the abuse happened in childhood. Survivors may struggle to understand their own impulses, and question what is normal:

·??????Did something about me bring this on?

·??????Did part of me want it?

·??????Is this how I get love?

·??????I wanted attention – did I ask for this?

·??????Am I too dirty for real love?

By understanding the difference between sex and sexual abuse, trauma survivors can understand that unwanted touching they experienced in the past was not sex. And that in our lives, we all, including trauma survivors, can choose to have sex (which is always consensual) in a way that feels safe and pleasurable.

The body does not decide. YOU decide. YOU consent. If—and only if—you WANT it. Learn more by visiting our blog.