When Is the Right Time to Assign Employee Bereavement Support?

When you have been providing bereavement support and advice to HR departments for over a decade, as I have, you get used to the same questions coming up.

(There’s no shame in that, by the way.? Questions show that you care, and are concerned about doing the right thing by your employees).

One of the most common questions is: “When is the right time to signpost your support to our bereaved employee?”

Many well-meaning HR executives and business owners believe, completely understandably, that they should refer a bereaved employee for support immediately.? However, this may not be the best approach for everyone.

This may sound surprising, but I usually recommend leaving some time for the initial, inevitable shock and discombobulation stage – which is likely to occur even if the loss was long-anticipated – to subside.?

Offering specialist support during this stage, however insightful and well-intentioned, may have an adverse effect on the employee, who is likely to be feeling overwhelmed.

Bear in mind that many bereaved people will also have lists of practical tasks to complete, such as arranging the funeral and perhaps acting as the executor of their loved one’s Will.? As such, this may not the best time for them to work on processing their emotions.

Keep in mind that grief is not an illness and it doesn’t need an urgent ‘fix’ – which is good, because there is no such thing.

A helpful initial response might involve asking your employee for a relative’s contact number.? That way, the chosen relative can provide updates during the first few days and weeks without the employee themselves feeling pressured to get in touch, or feel they have to convey the ‘right’ emotions.

Support is most likely to be needed at the point where the employee is preparing to return to work: after the funeral and once they have taken their full allowance of bereavement leave.

“It’s really like a rollercoaster, you could be feeling good one minute and then you have a moment where all your emotions come out.”

(Quote from a young person, taken from the 2022 Bereavement Commission Report)

As ‘normality’ resumes, the employee could find themselves experiencing heightened emotions at unexpected moments.? As you discuss their return to work, signposting specialist bereavement support will allow them to explore their feelings and re-adjust to work and life at a critical time for them.

I am also frequently asked about the number of support sessions a bereaved employee is likely to need.

My answer is always the same: that the support and sessions we offer at Beyond EAP are completely bespoke to the individual employee.? A wealth of factors must be taken into consideration, including:

• How the employee’s loved one died.
• The relationship they had with that person.
• What additional support they are receiving from their family and/or friends.
• Their own personal level of resilience.

“…we all react differently when someone we care about dies.? There’s no right or wrong way to feel and no timetable to guide us through grief”.

(Grieving in your own way , Marie Curie)

We will often begin with an introductory meeting, followed by a block of six sessions, during which we will usually achieve a lot of useful progress.

We work alongside HR executives and business owners to help create a phased return with their employee, taking into account the practicalities of the return, the importance of self-care, and rehearsing their first day and week so the employee can feel fully prepared.?

As such, in most cases our support is proven to reduce the need for further time off, once the employee has used their bereavement and compassionate leave allowance.

Bereavement can be one of the most challenging moments in our lives.? By offering the right support at the right time, you can make your employees feel valued and cared-for, just when they need help the most.

To find out more about the bereavement and grief support we offer at Beyond EAP, visit our dedicated Resources page .? You can also contact us directly to – confidentially – discuss an employee you’re concerned about.