When Rage Meets Power

I was recently pulled over by a police officer while out riding my motorcycle. About a block from home, there is a four way stop. I came to a complete stop but did not put my feet down and proceeded to make a right turn. Admittedly, I ran the stop sign because I did not put my feet down even though the Harley came to a complete stop. The officer was absolutely THE most verbally abusive, hostile and belligerent person I have ever encountered in public. This was a scary and intimidating experience.

Ironically, I never said more than a sentence during the entire 10-minute rant and verbal berating. At the end of the experience, I didn’t get a ticket nor did he ever look at my driver’s license or registration. It REALLY made me think about how many people this officer deals with in a day; how many other people there are in all walks of life who are aggressive and that full of rage with or without provocation.

I also wonder how many people there are that would have reacted differently than I did. My point here is: you have encountered or may encounter a person like this at some point in your life. How would you respond? This is NOT about the officer or the fact that he had all the power. So please do not be distracted by his occupation. Stay focused on his behavior. What is your response when faced with defensiveness, anger or even rage? How equipped are you to handle others' lack of self control? Do you ignore it? Do you sit quietly and take the verbal beating? Do you confront it? Do you politely ask them to stop?

Most of my early work was writing about and studying anger and all of its manifestations. I have taught many, many people how to deal with it, but not until this Sunday afternoon did I actually get a sense of what it’s like when rage meets power. Daunting, to say the least. If you are ever faced with such hostility and rage, here are the 7 best things you can do in that situation.

1. Focus on your breathing, make it slow and steady. As I sat on my motorcycle my primary thought was, “breathe slowly and stay focused and calm.”
2. Say as little as possible, being polite and respectful. Focus on details so if a report is necessary, you will remember the details - it’s very important. In my case, I said “yes sir” and “no sir.” Again, I focused on my breathing and emotional state. I noticed time of day, location of my bike, his height, weight, type of car, every little detail I could remember.
3. Make as little eye contact as possible. I looked down at my gas tank or straight ahead except for the occasional turn in his direction to answer a question.
4. DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT. Often angry people will ask you questions, make accusations or otherwise attempt to escalate you. In my case he yelled, “I don’t know how old you are, but I would bet 22 years of paychecks that you have been a law breaker your entire life.”
5. Accept responsibility for what is yours but NOTHING else. Do accept all the blame even if it’s not all yours. You need to not argue - just simply accept what is yours and be silent.
6. Get out of the physical space you are in and away from the situation as quickly and as safely as possible.
7. As soon as you are able, write down EVERY detail of what happened. It will serve two purposes. The first is that it will help you purge the toxicity of the encounter. Second, if you need to report it to HR, the police, your boss or any higher authority, your report will be facts-based and not emotionally charged. When I called the police department to share the experience, I was given huge respect and earnest listening because I was calm and provided details about what had happened.