When Racism is Shame-Based, Unity Will Always Be A Dream Deferred

“Shame hides in the dark,” as the saying goes. It has multiple implications when applied to our nation’s history of racism. As I reflect on the current state of our country, I recognize the critical role we, primarily white Americans like myself, must play in confronting and dispelling this deep-seated shame and racism that divides us. Acknowledging our part in this systemic issue, we can honor Martin Luther King Jr.'s legacy and work towards a more inclusive and equitable society. This journey starts with each of us as we take responsibility for our actions and strive to educate and inspire others to join us in this crucial endeavor. Martin Luther King Jr.'s significance in the civil rights movement cannot be overstated, as his tireless advocacy for justice and equality paved the way for profound societal change. His words, 'Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that,' remind us that love and understanding are the powerful tools we must wield in the fight against shame and racism. Talking about shame takes it out of the darkness and into the light.?

A.R.T. Definition of Shame in Racism:

In Affect Relational Therapy (A.R.T.), shame is an emotional biologically based feeling response signaling a disconnection from positive relational experiences. In the A.R.T. model, shame, in mild form, is sadness, disappointment, and loneliness. Most of us envision shame, at the most severe level, as embarrassment or humiliation. This makes it hard for many to imagine that feeling hurt or sad or rejected is a feeling that matters. In the context of racism, shame manifests as the hurt that comes from intended or unintended exclusion -? for example, not being invited to events, failures to be seen (both literally and figuratively, i.e., treated as if invisible), or having one’s natural beauty dismissed or exoticized (color, hair, body type, etc). Overt humiliation kills the soul. Mild shaming destroys by a thousand micro-shames. Both are used in perpetrating and experiencing racial discrimination. For example, when I learn about the injustices inflicted upon marginalized communities or when I, through my ignorance, offend someone I love with a racially pejorative comment, I feel a profound sense of shame – not because I have done something shameful in the traditional sense, but because I am part of a society that has allowed these injustices to occur and carry within me, both consciously and unconsciously, the values imparted to me by my race. Again, shame is felt anytime one recognizes that something done or said caused a barrier to connecting with someone they care about.?

Racism as Shame-Based:

Racism, at its core, is shame-based. It thrives on the marginalization and devaluation of certain racial groups, perpetuating a cycle of shame and disconnection. Addressing and talking about this shame is crucial for healing the racial divide. I hope that by understanding the affective dynamics of racism through A.R.T., I can dismantle my own barriers that hinder this progress. I hope, too, that in sharing this, I can help others within the white community who are afraid to do so out of fear of being shamed.?

History of Race-Based Shame:

Our nation's history is marred by racial discrimination and injustice, from the brutal era of slavery to ongoing systemic racism. This legacy has deeply shamed our national consciousness, necessitating a collective effort to confront and heal from these historical wounds.

During the Civil Rights Movement, America witnessed the weaponization of shame against African Americans and other marginalized groups—systemic discrimination manifested in various forms, including housing segregation, voting restrictions, and educational inequalities. Simultaneously, individual acts of racism, such as hate crimes and microaggressions, inflicted deep emotional wounds, further entrenching the shame experienced by victims.

Race-Based Shame Now:

Today, the sociocultural landscape of America is marked by increasing racial tensions and division. Systemic racism continues to manifest in housing discrimination, gerrymandering, and the school-prison pipeline, among other issues. Individual racism, too, persists in the form of hate crimes and cultural wars, perpetuating the cycle of shame and marginalization, and the continuation of denial, at a personal level,? of the fear and shame that perpetuates this cycle.?

A Dream Achieved: Healing from Race-Based Shame:

To heal from race-based shame, we must understand the dynamics of shame, name them, and talk about both the feelings incurred as well as what led to them. This involves acknowledging the shame we feel when confronted with our role in a racist system and using it as a catalyst for change. Healthy dialogues around race should include listening, acknowledging the history of racial injustice, and demonstrating empathy and a willingness to learn. Progress, not perfection, is the goal, mirroring the therapeutic process of healing and reconciliation.

As a white American, I've come to understand that my journey toward racial equity involves not only acknowledging the privileges afforded by my racial identity but also understanding how these privileges contribute to the oppression of marginalized racial groups. This acknowledgment is followed by action, advocating for and implementing policy changes that address racial disparities in education, healthcare, criminal justice, and employment. Any movement forward starts with an acknowledgement of the inherent racism that comes with being born and raised white in America. In short, each of us has to say “I have racism in me”.

In leading the way in acknowledging and addressing the shame and racism that has long plagued our society, we, especially those of us who are white, can make a significant impact. Educating ourselves and our peers, engaging in open and honest dialogues, and advocating for systemic change we can contribute to creating a more equitable and just society. This journey is not just about righting the wrongs of the past but about creating a future where every individual is valued and respected. Let's embrace this challenge and work together to build a society that truly reflects the ideals of equality and justice for all.

In doing so, we honor the legacy of Martin Luther King Jr. and take a crucial step toward realizing the dream of a united and equitable society. It's a journey that requires courage, empathy, and a commitment to change – qualities that we all possess and can cultivate for the betterment of our nation and the world. And this starts with white people.?