When Prospects Give You The Silent Treatment

If you have been selling for a while, you probably had at least one experience in which your prospect suddenly started giving you the "silent treatment."

A colleague described this dilemma very poignantly when he called me a few weeks ago.

"Mark, I donít know what to do when I get hit with the silent treatment-- you know, when I've worked with a prospect for quite a while, and we had great conversations, and they've expressed interest in our solution -- and then all of a sudden everything stops.

I try calling them back once or twice. I even send a follow-up e-mail, but nothing. They disappear. And I figure I've lost the opportunity, and I don't know what I did wrong or what to do next. It makes the process feel like such a painful and arduous process."

If this has happened to you, you may have felt anxious and confused. You may have told yourself, "It is not as if I am the one who did anything wrong. I put everything into the relationship. How can I rescue the business if I can't even get them to talk to me?"

The "Hopeium" Trap

There is a pressure-free way to reestablish communication when your prospect starts giving you the "silent treatment." But first, it is important to understand why the situation happened in the first place.

Most of us who sell get caught up in "hopeium," a comical term that means we focus our hopes and desires on getting the business. But hopeium can be a trap because you can't keep in mind your most important goal: to learn your prospectís truth.

When we fix our minds on the outcome -- getting the business -- we automatically begin anticipating how the process will go, and we also begin expecting that things will happen as we hope they will.

But if we are in that mindset and our prospect suddenly breaks off communication, we feel lost, anxious, frustrated, discouraged, and confused. We become preoccupied with what went wrong.

We may even feel betrayed.

Is there any way to clear up the mystery?

Yes, by giving up your agenda and learning the truth about where you stand with your prospect --and being okay with whatever the truth may be. "But how can I learn the truth when they are avoiding me?" you may ask. "And why do I need to let go of the sale?"

Let's take the second question first.

If you approach your prospect while still hoping the sale will happen, you will introduce sales pressure into the relationship. This will push your prospect away from you and destroy any trust you have developed with them. Instead, you can eliminate sales pressure by telling them that you are okay with their decision if they decide not to move forward.

You take a step back instead of trying to chase and follow up with calls because you focused on getting a "yes."

The bottom line is:

When a prospect gives you the "silent treatment," it doesn't mean you lost the sale. It just means you donít know the truth yet.

You need to call and learn the truth.

Why is learning the truth so important?

Here are 4 important reasons:

1. You stop losing confidence in your selling ability. The "silent treatment" threatens our "hopeium." We start blaming ourselves. We don't know where we stand -- a painful state of limbo. Our self-talk is negative and full of self-blame, and we are on pins and needles, wondering whether the sale will still come through somehow.
2. You increase your selling efficiency and decrease your stress level. Once you learn the truth about your prospect's situation, you can either stay involved with the prospect or move on. I often say, "A no is almost as valuable as a yes " Why? Because it frees up your time to find prospects who are a better fit for your solution. This lets you work much more efficiently because you can quickly weed out prospects who aren't going to work with you. Knowing the prospect's truth lets you walk away without that guilt-laden voice whispering, "If you give up, you don't have what it takes."

Learning your prospect's truth translates into tangible results that equal real dollars. You also end the self-sabotaging stress from living in "silent treatment" limbo.

1. Sales pressure pushes prospects away. When you respond to the "silent treatment" with calls and e-mails, you are telling them that you are determined to move the sales process forward -- which means you are looking out for your needs, not theirs. This makes them mistrust you and runs the other way.
2. The "silent treatment" -- breaking off communication -- is how prospects protect themselves from sales pressure when they donít feel comfortable telling us their truth. The more we press, the more they run.

But the opposite is true, too. The more we relax and invite the truth, the more straightforward they be with us. Prospects feel okay sharing what is going on with them when they know we are okay with hearing it.

How to Reopen Communication

After my colleague and I had discussed some of these issues, he said, "This all makes a lot of sense, Mark, but I'm still not sure what to say when I make that call."

It is simpler than you might think.

First, give your prospect a call. (E-mail and voicemail are very impersonal, so use them only as a last resort if you can't reach your prospect after several phone calls.)

Second, take responsibility and apologize for having caused the "silent treatment."

Here is some language I suggested to my colleague that will make prospects feel safe enough to open up and tell you the truth about their situation:

"Hi, Jim, it's Mark. I wanted to call and apologize that we ended up being unable to connect. I feel like somewhere along the way, I dropped the ball or didn't give you the information you needed. I am not calling to move things forward because I assume you probably went ahead with someone else, which is perfectly okay. I'm checking to see if you have some feedback as to where I can improve next time.

When you respond to the "silent treatment" this way, the results will probably surprise you. You may even learn that the prospect has legitimate reasons for not having gotten back to you.

You also find yourself more productive and less frustrated. It makes a world of difference in your productivity level, your stress level, your income, and how much you enjoy what you are doing.

Remember

You haven't lost the business. You just don't know the truth yet.