When Their Perception Isn't Fair

Have you ever felt that people's perception of you is not what you'd like it to be? You can tell by the way they look at you. By the way they don't include you in conversations. By the way you're not a part of bigger things.

This week presence has been a resounding theme in the executive coaching clients I work with and in myself. Even people in roles they love and in which they excel struggle with doubt, not feeling accepted or good enough and how it affects their behavior. Everyone does.

Life carries with it suffering that comes when we can't accept and just be with the discomfort of reality. A resistance builds between fighting the truth and accepting it. Suffering can become excruciating when it relates to negative self-perceptions we don’t want to feel that lie under the surface. An example of this is when you notice that you're not included and immediately feel self-defeated and withdraw. Or when you finally are included and overcompensate, regretting how you behaved later.

In both of these instances - we lose presence and gain self-sabotage.

When we turn away from the resistance to reality we think we are only pivoting from the discomfort of the situation. That isn’t the most important realization. We deny the truth of our emotions that hide in the trappings of our conduct. Behind the defeat of exclusion is loneliness, sadness, hurt, abandonment. Underneath the regret of overcompensating is relief and exuberance of finally being included bound to the embarrassment of not being able to maintain poise and authenticity. Again - not being good enough.

When we don’t honor uncomfortable emotions, the resistance continues to grow. This leads to even more discomfort as we externalize the misery in an effort to escape it. We deny the truth of our unpleasant mindset by covering it up with assumptions self-judgment, judgment of others, doubt, criticism, blame, frustration – the very actions that deny our true self. This is deadly to peace, presence and careers. People perceive us as less than we really are. And the resistance cycle continues only now at a greater pace.?

Imagine if you were able to step off the treadmill to nowhere. What if you could identify those emotions before they hijack your presence. What would it be like if you could observe doubt and allow it to flow through you without getting stuck there? What is you were able to self-regulate your behavior even under fire? What if your efficacy and presence were so appreciated that it improved all of your relationships and your career trajectory??

If you can relate to this and are ready to transform how you show up for yourself and in your work I have a Career Survey I’ll send you to help me understand what the issues are and how I can help you. I’ll give you my thoughts within two days. Just send me a message requesting the Career Survey and I’ll send you the link. Get ready for transformation!

Mary Lee Gannon, ACC, CAE?is a 19-year corporate CEO and an ICF certified executive and career coach at?MaryLeeGannon.com . She helps leaders build influence, emotional intelligence, and executive presence so they can have more effective careers, influence, happier lives, and better relationships while it still matters. For more executive presence tips, here's a link to my free eBook >?31 Executive Presence Practices for Leaders Practices .