When People Treat You Poorly, Remember What Mother Teresa Said

My name is Mark Wayman, and for the last 15 years I have owned an Executive Recruiting company focused on gaming/casinos and high tech. Mostly work in the $100,000 to $1,000,000 salary range worldwide. 

Disclaimer #1: Only Represent Candidates I Know Personally or by Referral, and Only Connect to People I Know Personally – No disrespect intended! My clients expect me to personally vouch for each and every candidate, and I can’t do that with people I don’t know and have never met. 

Disclaimer #2: I’m Not Here to Judge People: That’s God’s Job – My examples are intentionally vague, because I’m not here to embarrass anyone, just highlight the behavior. 

Disclaimer #3: Why I Love America – We can agree to disagree and still be friends! I welcome all opinions and viewpoints provided they are professional and respectful. Trolls will be deleted and blocked. 

We all have to deal with difficult people. Peers at work. Sales executives with challenging clients. Or, God forbid…family members! As an Executive Recruiter, 20 to 50 candidates cold call me very day. I graciously explain that I only represent executives I know personally or by referral. The responses range from “I didn’t want to work with you anyway” to “you’re not a Christian.” The other situation I face on a regular basis is executives that I have not heard from in 10 years sending me a resume and expecting me to drop everything I’m doing to fix their employment crisis. That is not a reasonable expectation. I typically have a dozen personal friends in the queue waiting for my assistance, and if nothing else, I’m the most loyal person you ever met. 

This week I heard about an executive speaking poorly of me around town. I’m searching my memory banks, but can’t remember the last time I talked to him. Maybe 10 years ago? Looked through my communications. Nothing. Possibly I turned him away years ago when he was looking for a job? I honestly can’t remember, but sure seems like a long time to hold a grudge. Not the first Mark Wayman hater; won’t be the last. There is a long line that extends around the building. “Mark is a jerk – he would not invest in my TV cooking show”, “Mark is a horse’s ass – he would not introduce me to a CEO so I could sell him software”, “Mark is a loser – he would not invest in my Las Vegas nightclub”, “Mark is not a Christian – he would not get me a job!” All real life examples. Here are my strategies for dealing with difficult people. 

You are not GM of the Universe – That’s God’s job! You can’t fix people. I always keep in mind, “When people speak poorly of you it says nothing about you…and everything about them.” You can’t control that, and you will shave years off the end of your life worrying about it.  I once dealt with a CEO that got miffed over something minor, and then a common friend told me, “Mark, he will take that grudge to the grave with him.” Don’t try to fix people. 

The Day I Stopped Drinking – From all my years in A.A., this is my favorite quote, “I was able to stop drinking the day I figured out I don’t give f*** what you have to say about me.” So true! I don’t worry about people badmouthing me around town. I run my race, treat everyone with kindness and help as many as I can. It is said, “Whatever you did for the least of My Brothers, you did for Me.” 

Ego is the Enemy - You can’t control what people say about you, only how you react and respond. Your ego says, “Not fair! Fight back! Smear them!” But I agree with Jesus - turn the other cheek. I once said something negative to a friend about a CEO that had treated me poorly. That friend immediately ran back and repeated it to the CEO. Although my comment was 100% accurate, it was not something I should have verbalized. I was wrong to say it. Trust me, that CEOs name NEVER came up in a conversation again. And it taught me a valuable lesson about reacting to people’s negative comments or treatment. Speaking poorly about them only helps your ego; it doesn’t change anything or help in any way. Let go and let God! As my Dad used to say, “Son, they will get what’s coming to ‘em, no need for you to help.” 

Everyone is on a Hard Journey – How many times have you overreacted to a situation, only to find out things were not as they appeared? How many times have you sent a hate mail, only to find out you took it out of tone or context? Remember that everyone is on a hard journey. Maybe they lost a parent, a child or a spouse. Possibly they are dealing with health issues. Then again, some people are just bitter and angry at life, so they want to take it out on everyone around them. Big tip: Avoid those people. 

What Mother Teresa Said – This is my favorite quote of all time. It is attributed to several people; however I’m a huge Mother Teresa fan, so I’ll give her the credit. Always remember: It was never between you and them anyway! 

People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.

If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you and God.

It was never between you and them anyway.