When People Get Your Goat!

Lately I’m reminded of a saying I heard from an old preacher many years ago: “If people get your goat, it just goes to show that you’ve got one.”

For the sake of young people, who probably can’t imagine what such a saying means, let me state it in a more modern idiom: “When people trigger you, it’s wise to pay attention to the triggers.”

Don’t act like you’re innocent on this. We all have emotional “triggers,” things that negatively affect us in disproportionate ways.

I tend to be triggered by dishonesty. I hate it when people violate my trust by lying to me.

I’m also incredibly triggered by things that waste my time. This trigger makes me impatient when I’m stuck in rush-hour traffic or must wait in a long checkout line at Walmart. I also hate time-wasting meetings, and I’ll surely be triggered if you arrive late for an appointment with me.

Recently new triggers have come to the surface. For example, I’ve realized that I dislike being around whiners. I want to be known for gratitude rather than grumbling, and it irritates me when I’m around people who chronically complain.

Undoubtedly, I have other triggers as well. Although these are some of the first ones that come to mind, by tomorrow I may have additional triggers to report.

What about YOU? Have you come to recognize the emotional triggers in your life—the ways people frequently “get your goat”?

The problem with these triggers is that they’re usually deeply rooted, typically stemming back to a childhood wound or a more recent broken relationship or trauma. Like forgotten land mines, they lurk beneath the surface, undetected until detonated by some unlucky trespasser.

Minimizing Our Triggers

The task of removing our triggers is daunting, if not impossible. My single friends often point out a funny experience they often have while on dating apps like Match.com, eHarmony, or Christian Mingle. On the online profiles, they’ve found that one of the most common descriptions is the proud assertion: “I’m a no-drama person!”

Well, my friends ended up meeting some of those “no drama” marriage candidates, and you may wonder what they learned. It turned out that most people’s descriptions of themselves were extremely inaccurate. Although everyone had correctly recognized the presence of drama in their life, they foolishly presumed it was all coming from others!

Sadly, it’s much easier to blame everyone else for the friction in our lives, rather than looking in the mirror and seeing our own dysfunctions.

So, what can do about this? Over the years, I’ve come up with several principles that can help us reduce our tendency to be negatively affected by recurring triggers:

1.??????? Do an honest assessment of the things that trigger you. If you find this process difficult, maybe your spouse or best friend can help.

Your triggers are likely to be different than mine. But by recognizing the stimuli that repeatedly offend or hurt you, you’re enabled to quit blaming everyone else for being the cause. Instead, you can defuse the trigger and then take some responsibility for the friction in your relationships.

2.??????? Periodically review the characteristics of love described n 1 Corinthians 13. How does this remarkable list compare with the wat you are presently treating others?

“Love is patient,?love is kind. Love does not envy,?is not boastful, is not arrogant,?is not rude, is not self-seeking,?is not irritable,?and does not keep a record of wrongs.?Love finds no joy in unrighteousness but rejoices in the truth.?It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures?all things. Love never ends.”?

What a high standard for how we should treat people! It’s only possible to the extent that we allow God’s perfect love to fill our hearts (1 John 4:7-8). ?

3.??????? Ask God to heal your wounds from past relationships and experiences. Several Bible passages reveal that our main cause of “stumbling” or offense is in US, rather than coming from other people:

“Abundant peace belongs to those who love your instruction; nothing makes them stumble” (Psalm 119:165).

“The one who loves his brother or sister remains in the light, and there is no cause of stumbling in him”(1 John 2:10).

When our heats are properly aligned with God’s heart, He removes our “causes of stumbling” (triggers). While our offenses and anger previously gave the devil a foothold, now our heart of forgiveness makes us the recipient of God’s peace (Ephesians 4:26-27).

This principle is beautifully illustrated in the story of Jabez, who was branded by his mother as being a “Pain.” Recognizing this negative label from his childhood would create a tendency for him to inflict pain on others, Jabez powerfully prayed for God to bless him, heal him, and keep him from harming those around him (1 Chronicles 4:9-10).

Responding, Not Reacting

In his classic book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen R. Covey points out the difference between responding and reacting to the stimuli we receive from others:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Lately I’ve allowed far too many people to “get my goat.” Instead of responding in love, I’ve merely reacted. Sometimes this negative reaction was only in my heart, invisible to the people who offended me. But the trigger robbed me of my joy and peace, nevertheless.

I’ve discovered that my offenses say a lot more about me than they say about those who’ve offended me. But, thankfully, the more I mature, the more unoffendable I become.

Yes, I think the old preacher was right. When people get my goat, it just goes to show that I have one—or, actually, that I have more than one.

However, each day I endeavor to be more filled with God’s Spirit and His love. That’s the only way my “goats” can be transformed into His lamb-like compassion for those who once would have triggered me.