When Others Turn Away, Lean In

In a career full of defining moments, would you believe one of mine happened in an airport lounge??

It’s true! It started as an uncomfortable situation. I was waiting for a flight when a woman in the lounge with me began crying uncontrollably. The lounge was pretty full, and despite it seeming odd to have such an extreme reaction to something in a room full of strangers,? I hoped that someone would interject to help her, but no one did.?

She was one of three Black women in the lounge, counting myself. No one was apathetic, but they also had no idea what to do. This was a peak uncomfortable situation. Don’t let her be in pain by herself. You have to do something, I thought.

“Is it okay if I hug you?”

That broke the ice. I soon found out that her best friend had just died. Others finally approached, offering to take care of whatever she needed.

This moment has stuck with me because it presented me with a choice that would become the underlying ethos of much of my work and philosophy: Am I going to lean into discomfort and try to make the best of a bad thing, or am I going to disengage like everyone else?

The Thing About Discomfort

Growth opportunities often hide in discomfort. When we engage with discomfort instead of disengaging, we open new paths and better ways of approaching situations.?

Discomfort is an inevitable part of any career. Whether dealing with a problematic colleague, receiving negative feedback, or facing exclusion from informal networks, these moments can be distressing. However, they also hold growth potential.?

As the Navy Seals say, “Get comfortable being uncomfortable.”?

The Alchemy of Turning Negatives into Positives

Like discomfort, you will inevitably encounter negative feedback at multiple stops in your career.?

For many, this negativity festers into conflict, self-doubt, and disengagement. If you have ever been put on a performance improvement plan (PIP), you might relate to these feelings. It’s a development that many consider a career death sentence. But what if we look for opportunity in this setback??

My friend, Chief Marketing Officer, and fellow champion of inclusive workplaces, Kimberly Hogg Massey, thinks a PIP is a blessing and one of the best things that can happen to someone’s young career. Whether it’s fully justified or not, there’s likely some truth to the PIP. The chance to recognize our gaps and get better isn’t something we should take for granted.

If you can receive a PIP or similar negative feedback and turn it into a structured opportunity for growth rather than a personal slight, that’s career gold; that’s alchemy.

The Subtle Art of Doing What You Don’t Want to Do

At some (many) points in your career, you will be asked to take on tasks that seem out of scope relative to your job description, inconvenient, or pushing you past your comfort zone.?

A common response is complaining, passing the buck, or sometimes outright refusing. I would argue that treating these kinds of requests in that way is a mistake.?

I say that because early in my career, I made the mistake of saying “No” too quickly. My division head wanted my help rolling out a new product, but I was worried that accepting new responsibilities would hinder my ability to do my “official” job, so I only did the bare minimum.?

My attitude was wrong. Instead of learning all I could from working closely with one of the most respected people at the company, I only saw the project as an extra burden. I never considered how I could use this experience for my long-term benefit.?

Making Lemonade

Discomfort and challenges in the workplace are inevitable. If you find yourself marginalized, underrepresented, or flatly unwelcome at work, encountering this tension can be deeply disheartening.?

However, I am asking you to try not to despair.?

Whatever you do, don’t disengage. By leaning into discomfort, reframing negative feedback, and strategically responding to out-of-scope requests, you can transform these lemons into lemonade, carve out a niche for yourself at work, and make an unequivocal statement that you belong.?

Embrace these moments as opportunities to grow, build resilience, and celebrate your strengths and ambitions. Remember, the path to a fulfilling career is not always smooth, but the ability to make the best of what you encounter defines your journey.

Building Workplace Utopia with You,

Dr. Ella