when one door closes . . .

When one door closes, another door opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the ones which open for us.

-Alexander Graham Bell

As I work day in day out with separating and divorcing couples who are experiencing some of the hardest times of their lives, I am often tempted to read them this quote. I want to reassure them that eventually things will improve, and who knows, the door that opens may lead to many good things that are out there awaiting them.

In the thick of a crisis, most people are not able to hear these words. Maybe I should write them on a little piece of paper and slip it into my clients’ pockets so that they can discover it later, when they are emotionally more available.

No one knows what new doors may open up until they are ready to look in that direction.

In your work life, things may also not turn out the way you expected them to.

• You accepted a job that was really disappointing.
• You chose one particular career but many years later, you hit a wall.
• You had to reevaluate your whole professional life.

I recall working with David and Liora a while back, and helping them through their divorce. David was a lawyer, well on the path of becoming partner at a highly regarded law firm. But the lifestyle, the hours, the competition and spirit of his job went against who he really was. The divorce required new living arrangements and finding time to spend with his children, and in fact, this also led him to reexamine his professional life.

Within months of finding a new home, an opportunity for a new job appeared out of the blue, from one of his clients at the law firm. David accepted the job offer at his client’s private equity firm where he now happily works as inside counsel.

What was interesting is that David never actually looked for a different job and never solicited anyone. So what happened? Coincidence? Luck? Maybe, but David had started to open his eyes, approach things in a different way, and expose himself to change. So, when the offer came, he was ready to seize it!

In your personal life, divorce is certainly a major crisis, a very sad and upsetting time, but it can also be an opportunity for growth and self discovery. Understanding why:

• Your marriage did not turn out as you expected
• You picked the partner you picked
• You made the choices you made

are important issues to explore.

For those of you who thought that your spouse was THE love of your life, and that you would never again find anyone to be with, I invite you to read one of my previous blogs titled “there IS a second chance for love post divorce.” It’s a true story! I?think you will enjoy it.

So in those deepest moments of despair, when you are feeling totally overwhelmed by what is happening to you, check your pockets and remember “when one door closes, another door opens.”

Have you had experiences with closing and opening doors? Feel free to share using the comment box below!

Great topic…and such good advice, Jennifer!

Dina L. Wilcox

Jennifer Safian

jennifer safian. divorce and family mediator

divorce and family mediation

upper east side of manhattan (nyc)

new york, ny

(917) 881 5206

[email protected]