When is it OK to Quit?

The public image or brand of the Navy SEAL is one of never quitting no matter what the odds are...we are never out of the fight. You have probably heard something along those lines.

We tell our kids to relentlessly pursue their dreams and that anything is achievable if they only work hard enough. 

This philosophy has its place for motivation, especially for young kids, but sooner or later we all get confronted with the fact that relentlessly pursuing goals and never giving up just doesn’t reflect reality for most people.  

In his article Here's How Talent Actually Works, Nate Kornell Ph.D. mentions that top musicians and athletes often point to hard work as the reason for success.  The fact is that almost all of the most successful athletes are blessed with talent and they would actually be considered outliers when compared to millions of other athletes that never get to the highest levels of competition.  Long-term athletic success (and other pursuits) most often arrives at the intersection of a high-talent ceiling and incredible work ethic. Very few high level athletes succeed on just talent and even fewer succeed with hard work alone.

The problem with the mantra of "if you work hard enough, you can achieve your dreams," is that it leads to discouragement when we can't achiever our unrealistic goals. I will resist a Kenny Rogers quote here but we need to be clear on when hard work and resources are needed to achieve difficult goals and when latching on to a goal pursuit like a pit bull will prevent us getting our best outcome.

So, when is it ok to quit?  The oversimplified answer is; when a thoughtful assessment and analysis of the goal determines that the pursuit no longer serves our long-term interests.

We need to teach our kids, and understand for ourselves the difference between persevering through adversity in the pursuit of goals that are right for us, and when a dogged pursuit of unrealistic goals undermine our long-term health and success.  

The most famous aspect of SEAL training is grit and toughness. The never quit attitude is revered and celebrated.  While it is true that attributes such as grit are an essential element of success, it’s just one part of the picture.  Teamwork, critical thinking, and performing under pressure are just a few of the other essential elements that are required to make it to, and also STAY at a SEAL Team. Basic SEAL training simply provides candidates the opportunnity to demonstrate their suitability for the program.

On combat operations, helicopters get shot out of the sky, the element of surprise is lost, or you simply run out of time to complete the objective.  You must be able to swiftly divorce yourself from a plan or tactic when it no longer serves the most optimal outcome.   

We must teach our kids to how deal with setback and work harder to achieve their goals or get more playing time in an athletic game.  We should encourage our kids to try new things but also teach them when to disengage from unrealistic goals and help them learn to reprioritize and re-divert efforts that get them invested in the right goals for their long-term success.

When wondering when to pivot or change goals, be intentional and set clear criteria at the outset.  

1.     Under what specific conditions or criteria should I divest of this goal or pursuit?

2.     Am I sure that this is a well informed and well thought out decision and that I am not acting out of unmanaged emotion?

3.     If this is a goal that I am committed to, have I exhausted every effort to reach this goal? Is it simply unrealistic for me to achieve this goal or do I need to gut through the discomfort and kick this thing in the ass?

4.     When I divest of this goal, what is my new goal or plan that will guide me to success?

Sometimes it’s perfectly OK to quit, just ensure that the decision is deliberate, intentional, and ultimately in your best interests.