When Mental Health Struggles Don't Make Sense

I'm struggling. Maybe you are too? And perhaps you're with me that your current state doesn't seem to be connected to any specific bad news? Maybe it's just "there" - and you're struggling to figure out why?

Mental health has, for good reason and necessarily, received a great deal of attention in recent years. The conversation is important and is garnering traction across a number of fronts, both personally and professionally. Excessive worry, feeling sad or down, mood changes or irritability, low energy, changes in sex drive, increased use of alcohol or drugs are just a sampling of some of the signs and symptoms you may notice in yourself or others.

As human beings, we like the idea of "cause and effect." When something happens, we like to be able to pull back the curtain and say "oh - that's why!" It may not eliminate the negative elements, but it allows us to understand why something happened (and perhaps how to avoid or minimize it in the future). So what happens when we experience increased worry, sadness, irritability or any of the aspects noted above but they're NOT connected to any negative turn of events?

I'm there now. Our lives in the past several months have frankly NOT provided reason for sadness, worry or discouragement. On the contrary, they've been filled with blessings and continual reasons for celebration!! The wedding of our youngest, a positive outcome to a scary surgery for a family member, the sale of our home (and purchase of a new one), undergraduate and grad school graduation for two of our kids, exciting job opportunities for both son-in-laws and our daughter-in-law, fun concerts and sporting events we love, our son's acceptance into medical school, all-time highs in terms of the health & wellness coaching we provide for employees across the country and a record attendance at the Rocky Mountain Coaching Retreat & Symposium.

And yet... in the midst of all these blessings...I'm really struggling...

It doesn't make sense... which then makes it worse ("what's wrong with me?!?"). Maybe you're there too?

I'm not a licensed counselor so this is not intended to fill that role. Instead, I'm hoping perhaps sharing my experience will allow you to take a step back, give yourself some slack, potentially seek out available help and pause to look at the bigger picture of potential influencers. As I spoke with my coach (yes - we also participate in coaching - we don't just provide it to others), she helped open my eyes to that bigger picture. Yes, we've been so incredibly fortunate as a family the past several months. However, as my coach helped widen my perspective of life in recent months, some potential drivers of my personal struggles became apparent. As a lifelong endurance athlete, a series of injuries has reduced my daily activity to short walks with our pup instead of a long run, bike or hike... the process of moving has meant living in a fake "showroom under construction" where everything in our previously relaxing, peaceful home has been under construction or must be kept perfect for that next viewing, inspection, etc... my sleep has been negatively affected by my monkey brain... family time and time with Suzanna has been diminished... typically healthy eating routines have changed... and then there's that pandemic thing...

You get the idea. If we're talking cause and effect, there are plenty of "causes" to this effect (or in my case, downward spiraling AFFECT). The conversation with my coach opened my eyes to those windows of opportunity I'd been completely ignoring as I instead continued to ask "what is wrong with me?!?" This awareness doesn't make the changes easy, but it makes them possible. With some of these, I can start small in addressing the necessary changes. Others require patience, but tuning into the fact they will resolve themselves in the coming weeks as the move is completed reduces their effect in the present.

So what's my point? We're not in this alone. Don't ever forget that - ever. When we try to go it alone, our vision is limited. I only saw two things: the blessings combined with my struggles. The combination of these two didn't make sense and the spiraling continued. However, once I discussed it with my coach, my vision/perspective expanded. I stopped staring cross-eyed at the fly at the end of my nose and looked up. In doing so, the world opened up... and so, likely, did my future.

Stay tuned.

[Note: To re-emphasize, while a nationally board certified health & wellness coach can play a critical role in helping someone through this process, there are many situations in which a licensed counselor should be consulted. Qualified coaches understand this and will often make a referral to a counselor when appropriate.]