When they like you, they'll try to be like you - Dr. Amit Sood

Dear Friends,

Someone asked me this question: I want to teach my kids proper behavior. I get conflicted. Shall I be a tiger mom or be kind? What are your thoughts?

Here was my response based on some of the literature I reviewed.

 “That decision is ultimately yours but let me share with you the concept of behavioral mimicry. Subconsciously, we tend to mimic the behavior of the people we admire. We start thinking, speaking, feeling and acting like them. If they cross their legs, we cross our legs; if they lean forward, we lean forward, if they speak in a southern drawl, we start following that accent – all without trying or consciously thinking.

Fascinating research shows that in our personal lives, we mimic those we find kind to us; people who make us feel worthy. Those who treat us poorly may draw more attention, but that is our attention coupled with disgust/anger/resignation.

Research also shows that if they internally feel grateful toward you, they are more likely to spend time with you, even if they have other priorities at that moment.

So, I have concluded that a good way to help others pick your positive vibes and be a little bit like you, is to be kind to them. Your kindness inspires them to choose you as their role model, at least for some parts of their life.

That’s what I am experimenting with my children. I’ll let you know in a decade or so if it worked!!

Take care.

Amit

References:

1: Jia L, Lee LN, Tong EM. Gratitude facilitates behavioral mimicry. Emotion. 2015 Apr;15(2):134-8. doi: 10.1037/emo0000022. Epub 2014 Oct 6. PubMed PMID: 25286071.

 2: Chartrand TL, Lakin JL. The antecedents and consequences of human behavioral mimicry. Annu Rev Psychol. 2013;64:285-308. doi:

10.1146/annurev-psych-113011-143754. Epub 2012 Sep 27. Review. PubMed PMID: 23020640.

3: Bartlett MY, Condon P, Cruz J, Baumann J, Desteno D. Gratitude: prompting behaviours that build relationships. Cogn Emot. 2012;26(1):2-13. doi: 10.1080/02699931.2011.561297. Epub 2011 May 24. PubMed PMID: 21500044.

 4: Salazar K?mpf M, Liebermann H, Kerschreiter R, Krause S, Nestler S, Schmukle SC. Disentangling the Sources of Mimicry: Social Relations Analyses of the Link Between Mimicry and Liking. Psychol Sci. 2018 Jan;29(1):131-138. doi: 10.1177/0956797617727121. Epub 2017 Oct 30. PubMed PMID: 29083989.

5: Stel M, van Baaren RB, Blascovich J, van Dijk E, McCall C, Pollmann MM, van Leeuwen ML, Mastop J, Vonk R. Effects of a priori liking on the elicitation of mimicry. Exp Psychol. 2010;57(6):412-8. doi: 10.1027/1618-3169/a000050. PubMed PMID: 20178935.