When Life Throws You Lemons, and Your Lemonade Sucks

Part Deux: Becoming a Survivor of the Toxic Workplace

Disclaimer: This is not a guide on how to survive the toxic work place, but rather, this a story about becoming a survivor; finally taking that leap, leaving the toxic workplace, the aftermath, and life as a survivor - finally!

They seem to exist in every industry; they survive and grow like mushrooms in the dark parts of the workforce. Their very existence makes you hate your own existence. You dread every week day morning and live for the weekends. Weight gain, extreme irritability, poor sleeping patterns: 2 hours one night, 6 the next, 12 hours on your first day off... anxiety, increased alcohol and substance use... I'm talking about life as an employee in a toxic workplace.

Just before I became a survivor of the toxic workplace and finally taking that leap to leave, I thought I was the only one suffering through this dilemma. I was seeing a therapist to cope with the trouble I was experiencing in my career, as I truly thought it was just me. My skin was having terrible issues, my hair was falling out, I was experiencing stomach issues and I was always sick - direct side effects from the stress I was experiencing. I complained about work to a point where I was isolating myself in to a world of misery, in search of company so we could continuously complain together. My friends and family noticed a change in me. I was becoming a monster that would rage on anyone who slightly irritated me and then forced them to listen to my horrendous bellyaching about work. I was recklessly spending money as if I were printing it in my own apartment, only to buy things that I thought would make me happy. But I was very unhappy. and I wasn't sure what to do.

I was raised under the ideology that work is work. You're not suppose to love work; if it pays well and you're able to pay bills and put food on the table then one should consider themselves lucky. I felt lucky and fortunate to some degree; but I was extremely unhappy and clinically depressed. This was serious, because I truly had a hard time getting out of bed on weekends and I literally had to force myself to do my "normal" activities. And I knew exactly what was making me so unhappy. But do I just quit my job and leave everything to fate? How would I pay my bills? What would my family think? The stress alone from everything I "had" to consider was just as overwhelming as going to work and dealing with everything there. My lemonade was god awful and I hated life.

At work I dealt with bullying, favoritism, fragile egos, put downs, belittling, and backstabbing. Everyday I'd walk in dreading what I was about to walk into, because I never knew what it would be and it was always something. ALWAYS. Talk about walking on eggshells. When I first started work there I had seen the red flags, but I ignored them. I was new, didn't know any better. and thought for sure that they would get better or eventually go away as time went on. Of course they never went away and things only got worse. I thought this was going to be life from here on out until I retired, or fell into a state of depression that I could be declared disabled. It was a horrible way of looking at my situation. I of course applied to jobs hoping I could leave for somewhere else, but I found that I didn't have the right experience or didn't know the right people (more on this topic in a later chapter). I felt stuck. but I thought, there's no way I'm the only who has ever felt like this with their job. It has to be possible to leave a job you're unhappy in and find something you love and live a life of happiness. I found myself typing into Google: "I want to run away" and " I hate my job and my life."

I was actually able to find a lot of articles on toxic workplaces and what to do and consider. I realized I wasn't the only one to suffer through this situation. Two articles I found the most helpful were "13 Signs It's Time to Quit Your Job" featured in Bustle by Gabrielle Moss (2015) (I checked off all 13) and "9 Financial Discipline Tips That Will Make You Rich" by Jason Cabler (2015) from Celebrating Financial Freedom. When I found the latter, the VERY first tip in the 9 Financial Discipline Tips article was:

"Choose a Career You Love; Working in a career you love increases your earning potential. The more you love what you do, the more effort you tend to put into it. The more effort you make, the more you tend to be rewarded financially. Wasting your time and effort in a career you hate is a recipe for disaster eventually. It can ruin your health, kill your attitude, and make not want to work as hard as you otherwise would. The result is usually less money over a long period of time, not to mention more health problems, stress, and general unhappiness. "

Boom! I had been praying for a sign to help me make a decision and it was like a billboard had dropped on my windshield and stopped me from driving into a treacherous dead-end. I finally formulated an exit plan. I was incredibly lost, but had to make a decision or else I was going to waste more time in misery-laden hell. Eventually came the day when I took that leap of faith. I was pulled in to a "meeting" which was one of the supervisor's attempt to berate me in front of other supervisors. I remember looking out the window, not even listening to what was being said and I thought, " What are you doing? You wouldn't tolerate this from a significant other, why are you tolerating this now? Because they are paying you?" When they finished talking, I looked at them and said, " do what you want, but my last day is going to be ___________". They all looked at me stunned and that was that. I was finally free. I served my time and it was now finally over.

Life after Leaping

When I gave my notice, I didn't exactly have the most solid plan for my life outside of the current, miserable hell I had been trapped in for several years. I actually didn't even have a job lined up. I had a general idea, and just as soon as I gave my notice I started putting my plan in motion. How life unfolded in the time after making that leap, was nothing I had really prepared for or expected; but I still had no regrets on my decision to leave.

In some ways, I feel the world would be a much happier place if people didn't stay in jobs they hated. It's a bold statement, but think about it. How many people do you know complain about their job and how much they hate it? How often do you complain about your job? If you don't, then congratulations for being a unicorn we envy and thank you for even bothering to read this far. We can look at the situation positivity and be grateful to even have a job where we can have an income to support ourselves and possibly our families. But how long do we keep up that charade? Shouldn't we value and respect ourselves more to want more and ultimately demand more? If your argument is that you can't leave your job because your family is too dependent on your current income or some other excuse, my best advice is to make the best of it. There's a lot of resources for dealing with a toxic work environment, but I am unfortunately not one of those resources. For those that have taken the leap, normalizing yourself with society after your service of hard time, isn't exactly a seamless transition to suddenly perfect lemonade.

When I left my toxic workplace I was in search of a career change. I had zero desire to stay in the same industry, because to me, it wasn't just about changing the work place to a different building and different coworkers; that to me felt like going from one crappy buffet to another, all to put the same yucky broccoli on my plate. I didn't want to step foot in a crappy buffet and I didn't want the garbage broccoli; I hated all of it. For those that wish to stay in their current industry but want to work for a different company - your transition is going to be a little easier. For those that wish to make a full-on career change, this is where it gets messy...

People gonna hate

Even for those that wish to stay in their current field/industry, be prepared for a wrath of judgement to swarm you and your decision to leave your job. Even if you're lucky enough to pick up work right away after leaving the toxic hell, people will still be shocked and full of questions and judgement because you "quit" your job (how dare you!). Listen, the only person responsible for your happiness is you. The people giving you all this judgement and vibes of hatred are truly jealous because you did something they are too scared to do themselves. You're going to have a huge weight lifted off you after leaving your miserable work-place, and suddenly you're going to be looking better because you're well-rested, healthier, and ultimately happier; you're lemonade is starting to taste better and the haters are going to come out of the woodwork. Misery loves company for a reason. And if these haters are so-called "friends", we need to talk. These "friends" are clearly toxic. If you left a toxic work-place, then obviously you are in search of DETOXING! Ditch the toxic "friends" and people in your life and move on. Life is too short to be wrapped up in such toxicity and negativity. And it's easy to care about what others think; with Facebook and Instagram - we're surrounded by nothing but ways to compare ourselves to others. With time, it becomes much easier to not care what others think; if you struggle with this, just know that it takes time and it might be worth considering the deletion of social media.

Lost and Alone, Naked and Afraid

When you decide to leave your toxic job, it's going to feel scary and awkward. Especially when you're an adult and you're looking to make a career change and you still have no idea what you want to be when you grow up. You'll find yourself writing lists of things you enjoy (like a kindergartener) and staring at lightbulbs with awkward wonderment as if an invention idea is going to suddenly come to mind and your career woes with all be over with. If only.

You'll feel like a failure. You left a job probably considered by most to be a "good" job. The environment was never going to change and you'll feel like you couldn't make it work. You'll tell yourself it was 'you' and 'you' ultimately failed. "It's not you, it's me," as if a weird break-up has just ensued... I'm the failure in life and here I am (either not working or working a job you're significantly over qualified for so you can have a paycheck).

As crappy as all this is going to feel, it's normal, and best if you just lean in and embrace it. The most successful people never got where they are without failure. Learn from the entire experience and keep going. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and embrace it. Being vulnerable allows us to experience life as we are truly meant to. Being afraid of failure and vulnerability means you're not willing to take risks, recognize how you truly feel about certain things, or learn because you don't allow yourself to make a mistake or fail because of the fear. You're positioning yourself for a life of complete dullness and a personality disposition no one wants to be around. All you'll ultimately end up doing is complaining about everything because its the same miserable thing day after day, because you're letting fear control you and no one wants to be around that much negativity; and your life is going to be so incredibly boring because you don't do anything about it!!! Oh. My. God. Go be a big fat failure, learn, and eventually find yourself successful with the lemonade you've always wanted.

Significantly Smaller Paychecks

Starting fresh, starting over, complete career changes, or starting over with a new company, more often than not, means starting from the bottom. For those that are staying in the same industry this may not necessarily be the case as, generally, the more experience we rack up, the better. But for those looking to completely jump ship, find their calling, and go full steam ahead with an attempt at better lemonade - this may take months to even years, before you can even earn a paycheck close to what you left. For those that were experiencing crappy pay on top of a miserable place to work, this won't necessarily apply, so just embrace the happy feeling of being free from your toxic workplace. But for the majority, I can tell you this is the number one reason why people stay and continue to work a job they hate and dread showing up to. Decent income and a lifestyle we grow accustom to are hard to let go.

Money isn't necessarily evil; it can be quite good when we're in a position where we can pay our bills, support ourselves, and maybe enjoy some occasional, frivolous spending. No one ever earns a paycheck and tells their employer "Nah; I'm good." Get real. Money makes the world go 'round and while it can't buy us happiness, it can definitely make some things delightfully easier. But the key take away is that it doesn't buy happiness. Buying things that we think will make us happy only brings a fraction of temporary happiness. Having a lifestyle we enjoy is only supported by our own miserable existence in a job we hate. Taking a cut in pay sucks. There's no other way to describe it. But where there's a will there's a way. You may have dependents, debt, rent, a mortgage, bills, etc., but we all do. My point, is that a cut in pay is highly probable. It's important to prepare oneself for this and accept it as best one can. It's important to have supportive people in your life and just know that this is temporary. Your day will come where you're going to find something you love, get paid what you're worth and your lemonade no longer sucks. It won't be over night, but Rome also wasn't built in a day; pretty sure their lemonade was quite terrible in the beginning as well.

Trading One Toxic Place For Another

It's dreadful to think about leaving one place you hate for another place you also hate. But taking a leap of faith isn't exactly a perfect process. That leap may mean it's off a cliff and you hit a few rocks on the way down or it's over fire and you get a little burned; maybe you leapt into the fire. Leaving your job, your career, the thing that identified you for x amount of time, is like going into battle; you're gonna get beat up pretty decently. If it were an easy process, all of us who ever left a job we hated would be working our dream jobs within a day and we'd all be gloriously happy; there'd be world peace and we'd be surrounded by rainbows and unicorns. It is were easy, every one would do it. Why do you think so many people suck? 'Cause their lemonade sucks and it's not easy to perfect.

You're likely not going to get it right the first time. That first job you take is likely going to be a stepping stone, and very likely, a tiny stepping stone at that. That good lemonade that we all dream about - takes time; like a lot of time. But as soon as you take that leap - you're that much closer to finding your passion, your niche in life, your perfect lemonade; but it will always be just a dream if you choose to stay stuck.

Credits:

Cabler, Jason. "9 Financial Discipline Tips That Will Make You Rich." Celebrating Financial Freedom. 3 Dec. 2015. Web via Pinterest <www.cfininacialfreedom.com>.

Moss, Gabrielle. "13 Signs it's Time To Quit Your Job." Bustle. 12 Dec. 2015. Web. via Pinterest.