When Life Throws You a Curve

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It’s that dreaded visual no one wants to see when you’re driving on the Interstate (or any highway for that matter).? A wall of traffic in front of you, brake lights shining in the distance, and everyone crawling to a stop, jockeying for position, knowing what lies ahead, somewhere in the unseen distance.

A detour.

Sometimes it is a highway crew doing maintenance.? Here in Arkansas, for the past several years, there has been an expansion of Interstate 30 that looks like it will never be finished.? At other times, it’s a motor vehicle accident or a vehicle that has broken down.

Whatever the reason, it’s frustrating.

During a recent road trip to Dallas, I found myself being thrown a curve as traffic began to slow.? Four lanes became three. Three lanes became two, and then became one, as traffic backed up for as far as the eye could see. ?After about 45 minutes of creeping along at “turtle” speed, I came across the cause of the problem.

It was a 22-foot ski boat straddling two lanes of the Interstate.

A pickup truck trailering the boat had jack-knifed, likely from having to stop suddenly.? The boat was ejected from the trailer and came to rest on its side, completely blocking two lanes of traffic. ??Scrape marks on the hull indicated the boat had skidded for some distance.

As I slowly drove by, it was apparent the law enforcement officers on the scene, along with the driver, had no clue what to do next. ?Eyes wide-opened, everyone was gawking at this beautiful, now scarred, ski boat, blocking traffic on a busy Interstate highway. ?I could only imagine the look on the wrecker operator’s face when he pulled up to clear the highway.

I’m sure the owner of this boat never envisioned his boat skidding down the Interstate highway when he left his home and headed for the lake.? Now, he’s frustrated, angry, embarrassed, and dealing with a host of other negative emotions.? ?I’m guessing he’s trying to figure out how to explain to his insurance agent what happened, as well as his family.

Life had thrown him an unexpected curve.?

Ever had that happen to you?

What happens when life throws you a curve?? Something random, unexpected, or unplanned?? Now what do you do??

If you haven’t experienced life throwing you a curve, at some point in your life, you will.

Maybe it’s something simple like a flat tire, a dead battery, or an empty gas tank.? Or maybe it’s getting an unwanted diagnosis from the doctor.? Perhaps you come home to an empty house and the person you believed was committed to you for life has abandoned you.

For me, it was cancer.

Eleven years ago, I awoke in the middle of the night with a sharp pain in my lower back.? I immediately recognized the culprit, a kidney stone.? After a series of small stones over a number of years, I knew the symptoms well.? I woke my wife and we made a familiar trip to the emergency room once again.

After a shot for the pain, they rolled me down the hall for an MRI.? About a half-hour later, the ER doctor told me she had good news and bad news.? The good news was I had passed a 5mm kidney stone from my left kidney into my bladder and I could expel it.? The bad news was I had a 12mm kidney stone in my right kidney that I would not be able to pass.

A few days later, I was visiting my urologist. After we exchanged pleasantries and he reviewed my MRI, we scheduled a lithotripsy procedure, using sound waves to crush the stone so I could pass it.? As I stood to leave, the doctor asked me if I had ever had a prostate exam.

I jokingly told him I was Superman.? I reminded him I was a Black Belt in Karate, worked out at least four days a week, and was in excellent physical condition. He then asked if I had any family history of prostate cancer. I told him my dad was about my age when he was diagnosed with prostate cancer and had surgery.

His next words caught me by surprise.? “Bend over, Superman!”

As he conducted the exam, the doctor informed me the left side of my prostate felt normal, like the skin of an apple.? However, the right side he described as a walnut.? Not a good sign. He then took around 12 biopsies and said he would call me with the results.

Deep inside, I already knew the answer.

Two days later, I was told I had prostate cancer.

Life had thrown me a curve.

A few weeks later, I found myself being wheeled into a surgical unit that looked like something out of Star Wars.? A robot with multiple arms dangled from the ceiling.? The doctor sat in the corner, staring into a monitor, and his fingers worked a series of buttons and levers. ?I underwent a robotic procedure to have my prostate removed.

Eleven years later, I am cancer-free.?

A kidney stone literally saved my life. ?I had no symptoms that would indicate I had cancer growing in my body.? I wasn’t undergoing regular PSA screening, something I wasn’t even aware of at the time.? Had it not been for a kidney stone, my outcome could have been quite different, and potentially quite a bit worse.

Yes, life had thrown me a curve.? It was random, unexpected, and unplanned. It happened. I couldn’t predict it, plan for it, or prepare for it.? But I could choose how I responded to it.

And when life throws you a curve, you can too.

Just because you’ve had a setback or experienced a detour in life, that doesn’t mean this moment has to define you.? Just because you’ve stumbled, fallen, or been knocked down doesn’t mean you’re stuck and you can’t pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on your feet once again.

When life throws us a curve, we have two choices.

We can choose to remain where we are, as we are, and remain a victim.? Or, we can choose to reclaim the moment, reclaim our lives, and reclaim our future.

Remain or reclaim.? You get to choose.

When life throws us a curve or takes us on an unplanned detour, there are three possible actions we can take. ?We can Explain, Excuse, or Expect.? Two of them leave us where we are, remaining in the detour.? Only one gets us past the detour and back on the highway.

We can give an EXPLANATION for what happens.? This is the obvious reason for what happened.? An explanation defines the present moment.? It also defines the moments that led up to the present moment. It’s backward-looking. ?Explanations are easy.? It allows us to rationalize what happened, and why.? But it leaves us stuck in the moment.

We remain.

An explanation doesn’t define what happens next.? It focuses our attention on the past and the present, but it doesn’t look forward to what could be.? An explanation fails to reveal the opportunities within the difficulty or challenge that points the way forward.

When we are explaining, we are remaining.

The second response is that we can make an EXCUSE for what happened.? This is the defense of, or justification for, what happened, while often attempting to downplay, ignore, or deny our own involvement. Again, it is backward-looking.? Again, we are stuck in the moment.

When we attempt to excuse what happened, we are attempting to divert attention from the facts.? Excuses are often used to explain away the role we played or to cast blame on someone or something else. At other times, it is an attempt to justify, rationalize, or defend our actions (or inaction).

When we are excusing, we are losing.

We remain.

The third action we can choose is EXPECTATION. This is a conscious decision to look beyond the difficulty or obstacle we’ve just experienced and start looking for the way ahead. Rather than choosing to remain in the moment, pitching our tent, and choosing to stay there, we choose to start asking ourselves, “What’s next?”?

When we live an expectant life, we’re not denying that life can (and often does) throw us a curve or take us on a detour.? Instead, we go through a three-part process in response to what happened, allowing us to reclaim our lives and the way forward.

First, we acknowledge the moment. ?It happened, whatever IT is. We can’t go back in time and prevent it, because it already happened. ?We reclaim the moment, so we don’t stay there. My Mom used to tell my sister and me that we couldn’t put spilled milk back in the cup.? Acknowledge it, and move on.

Secondly, we accept our part in whatever happens.? If we play a role, through action or inaction, we own it. ?If we spill the milk, we admit it. ?Acceptance is entering the “No Excuses” zone of personal responsibility and accountability. ?We reclaim our lives, so we don’t keep living in the past or living with regret.

The last step in this reclaiming process is to affirm that we are committed to doing what is required to move forward.? Having acknowledged what happened, and accepting our role (if any) in it, we affirm that we are going to find a way to get past this moment and move forward.

We reclaim our future, so we can keep moving forward.

Think about it this way:

If you trip and fall, skinning your knee on the sidewalk, do you stay there and spend the rest of your life lying on the pavement blaming someone or something else (or blaming yourself), or do you simply get up and start walking??

Author, C.S. Lewis, famously said, “You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”?

There’s a LOT of truth in that statement.

Lewis is talking about RECLAIMING our lives when life throws us a curve or takes us on a detour. ?It all comes down to a choice. ?We can choose to REMAIN where we are, as we are, giving power to the moment.

Or, we can choose to RECLAIM our power, our lives, and our future, by choosing to acknowledge the moment, accept our part in it, and affirm that this isn’t going to define us and we are going to keep moving forward.

Explain and excuse, and you remain stuck in the moment, focused on the past.

Live your life with the?expectancy that no matter what life throws your way, whatever detours temporarily reroute you, you’re going to be okay, you’re going to overcome, and you’re going to get back on the highway of life to get from where you are to where you want to be.

Remember, your outlook determines your outcome.

Choose to RECLAIM and refuse to REMAIN.

Let me leave you with the insightful words of C.S. Lewis:

“You can’t go back and change the beginning, but you can start where you are and change the ending.”?