WHEN LIFE PULLS YOU IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS...

Part of me is embarrassed. The other part of me knows that many others have been in a similar predicament and might benefit from hearing about mine.

A little more than a year ago, I came on here for the customary LinkedIn life update. I was leaving the Boston Red Sox- a place I considered home with people who felt like family for over a decade- to move on to the University of Miami and its storied baseball program that I had been in awe of since childhood. To understand how I became a Hurricane, you should know why I was ready to take on that new challenge.

During my last couple years with the Sox, things changed drastically as they tend to when new leadership comes in. I began to feel completely out of place in the place that had felt like home for a quarter of my life. Many of those people who gave me a second family were quickly on their way elsewhere, replaced by new colleagues intent on building a new work family, seemingly without me. I no longer felt valued. I lost my purpose. For the first time in my life, I started wondering if all of the sacrifices that are necessary to be successful in this baseball life were still worth it. I was legitimately on the verge of a mental breakdown.

That’s when the guys at Miami came in and saved me.

In some ways, I arrived in Coral Gables a broken man. They helped put me back together and gave me back what I had lost with Boston, something I feared I had lost forever. They made me feel more valued than I had ever felt before. My purpose came roaring back. And most importantly, they gave me a new family and made sure from day one that I felt a part of it. I was thrilled to have landed in such a better situation than the one I left.

This past summer, I was finally able to exhale and reflect on what was the last year and arguably the most challenging time in my life. For as fulfilled as I was professionally, I recognized something bigger was missing: home. When I decided to join the U, I picked up and moved to Miami, leaving my family, friends, and a huge chunk of my life behind in New Jersey, not realizing how much that would weigh on me. The majority of the things that gave me balance away from work were now a three-hour flight away.

Deep down inside, I think I came to the realization that at some point I was going to head back north but was not even thinking of pursuing that after just one year in South Florida. Loyalty is at the core of my being, so the mere thought of bailing on guys who were as loyal to me as anyone in my entire life put a massive pit in my stomach. I am fiercely loyal to those who are loyal to me, so leaving that quickly went against just about everything I believe in from that respect.

While I made the decision to not actively look for a new job, considering where my head was at, I did tell myself that if someone came calling, I would answer the phone. If there was a fit with the role, and more importantly, the people, then and only then would I consider leaving. And that’s exactly what happened.

In front of me was opportunity to get back home and at the same time, be in a role and with an organization that seemed like a perfect fit. With that pull from home, you would have thought this would have been an easy decision. Well, truth be told, it was probably the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make. On one side was a group of people who gave me something I could never repay them for at a time when I needed it the most. On the other side was home, and the people and feelings and balance that came with it. I’ve done a ton of deep work over the last few years and have come to understand myself and what makes me tick more than I ever have. The internal tug of war was real, and I lost track of how many times I went back and forth in my head with what I was going to do.

Then, when discussing this with my parents, my father and his 82 years of life wisdom asked me a simple question: where would I be happiest? After being offered this new job nearly two weeks prior, the simple answer to that question is what ultimately gave me the clarity I needed to make a decision with a clear conscious. So yes, this is another life update. I’m now an Arizona Diamondback and incredibly proud and excited to call myself one. And no, of course I am not moving to Phoenix after just pouring out my heart about the pull of getting back home! My role as assistant field coordinator will allow me to be based out of New Jersey while overseeing an area of the D-Backs' minor league system.

I wrote earlier that part of me was embarrassed about this. And that embarrassment is from turning my back on loyalty, considering the massive value I place on it. But in this process, I also learned how important it is to be loyal to yourself. Years ago, a colleague of mine once told me that you cannot be all things to all people.

When you are a leader, you are going to make decisions that will disappoint some. If you are always trying to make others happy, that is a dangerous road to travel on with your own happiness coming at a cost. If you are not loyal to yourself, your loyalty to others can leave you feeling incomplete. When you are not right yourself, it’s incredibly hard to be right for those who are relying on you.?

Well, I really needed to be complete again and right for the people who I’ve been empowered to help. And I can honestly say that without the last year-plus as a Miami Hurricane and my former colleges and players who will forever hold my gratitude, I don’t know if I would have gotten there by now.