When life gives you lemons.......follow The Lemon Way.

Lemons are fascinating things.

These little yellow fruits are a sublime collection of contradictions.

Eat them raw or use them carelessly and they’re a bitter shock to the palate. But, when properly prepared and used in the right quantities, a squeeze of lemon will transform your dish into something special.

Now, you’re probably wondering what on earth lemons have to do with conflict. Yet, when you think about it, the parallels are clear.

Whether you like it or not, you’re going to come into conflict with other people at home or at work. And if you’re not prepared the experience is like biting down on a raw lemon. As the juices flow, they strike, sharp and unpleasant.

It doesn’t have to be this way.

Conflict isn’t a bad thing. Despite what society tells us; well-managed conflict fuels creativity, speeds progress and, frankly, shows that people give a damn. Like a lemon in the hands of an expert chef, it cuts through the grease and heaviness of our day-to-day interactions and delivers a clean, fresh taste.

But getting the right balance is the key. 

A haphazard squeeze of lemon juice has ruined the hard work of more than one amateur cook. Just as improper or unnecessary conflict has damaged many relationships.

So that’s why I’ve created The Lemon Way, your framework for healthily and effectively juicing the lemon of conflict.

…follow The Lemon Way

The Lemon way is a five-step process to help you make the most of your difficult conversations.

1. Pre

It all starts before you begin. Our mindset largely determines our actions and ability to respond with agility to things we don’t expect. If we’re prepared, staying focused, calm, and in control is the natural consequence.

So, if you know you’ve got a difficult conversation on the horizon, take the time to get into the right mental headspace. It’ll pay dividends in the minutes to come.

1. We

When you start to juice your lemon and enter into that contentious conversation, you need to know where you want to end up. Without some a destination in mind, it’s easy to let emotions get the better of you and veer off course. Once that happens, it’s tough to get back on track.

To keep your conversation heading in the right direction, agree on premises and outcomes with your opposite number. When all parties agree to these little verbal contracts, important boundaries are set, and the minutes ahead become ever so much easier to navigate.

1. You

If you’re in conflict, the chances are it’s about something you care for deeply. Otherwise, why would you bother to have the conversation in the first place? As a result, there’s a temptation to make the chat all about you. Avoid this at all costs (at least to start with).

Unfortunately, we humans are self-interested creatures. In calmer moments, we can keep these instincts under wraps, but when things get heated, most of us put our priorities first. In a conflict situation, this is a sure-fire way to get your conversation partner to switch off.

So, to avoid this seek their perspective first. Ask questions, allow them the space to articulate their understanding of the situation, and, most importantly, listen to the answers.

1. Me

Once you’ve understood the other person’s perspective, it’s time to make yours known.

This is the most dangerous part of the conversation. Say too much, too firmly, and the person you’re speaking to will shut down. Or worse, you’ll really upset them. On the other hand, if you mince your words and don’t cut to the core of the issue, nothing will change, and all that prep work goes to waste.

The best thing to do is to share your point of view directly, but calmly. Just as adding an extra squeeze of lemon juice to a dish can be a step too far; so can letting your emotions get the better of you cause a conversation to descend into an argument.

1. Agree

Now that both sides have made their feelings known it’s time to come back together and decide how to move forwards.

Hopefully, the actions you choose will draw on the experiences of both parties. It’s a vanishingly rare thing for someone to be totally right, or totally wrong in a conflict. The truth generally lies somewhere in the middle. So, if you find yourself veering one way or another, it’s a good idea to revisit the previous steps. Simply because this one-sidedness is often the result of things being left unsaid.

When you’re both happy with the outcome, make a point of agreeing clearly. This creates a verbal contract that makes actually sticking to the settlement easier for everyone.

Get ready to juice those lemons

Conflict is inevitable, but it doesn’t have to be bitter. Done well, it adds the zing and zest that takes relationships to the next level.

If you need help to turn your conflicts into vibrant flavour enhancers that bring out the best in you and the people that matter, let’s have a conversation of our own.

Send an email to [email protected], and we’ll set up a call.