When life gets pretty difficult, relax and smile

I think 95% of the time when life gets too tough and demanding but naturally you have to take things seriously around work, relationships etc. But we also need to learn when to, as you say, just let everything go. Not take life so seriously. In the past I decided to make up a scale of 1–10. 1 being the worst, My problem was a family member dying. 2 a close friend passing away. 3 a serious illness etc. I tried to figure out worst case scenarios. Then I took a good look at myself and the things that I let bother me on a semi regular basis to see where they would fit in on that scale.

I don’t think they would even be in the top 100. That’s when I realised I was being an idiot and had to change. For example stressed out whilst driving to work. I used to get so annoyed at drivers driving 10 or 20 km under the speed limit that it would put me in a bad mood for the first half of the day. So, I figured out how to fix that problem. I left 10 minutes earlier so if I do encounter someone driving badly it won’t make me late so I don’t get stressed, I also play my favourite music and sing happily to myself. I can’t change everyone else but I can change myself. Do I still think they are annoying, heck yes but I am able to let it go now.

So, my suggestion, take a good look at the things that tick you off. If you are not able to change them but are able to change your attitude towards them then you will be a much happier person. For me, it’s when I am getting stressed out by things that usually wouldn’t really bother me. I don’t need to relax for a long time - I just need to remove myself from the environment where I am being over-stressed for 15–20 minutes. I find a quiet spot and do some breathing meditation. Of course, one has to be sufficiently self-aware to realise that’s what’s happening - and sufficiently self-controlled to remove oneself from the situation. It takes time to learn.

Anytime and every time you feel the need. If you get into the practice of meditation, even when you’re at work you can take a 5-minute break and calm yourself and just relax. Or just try a minute or two of deep breathing, just focusing on your breathing, and let other thoughts fall away as they come. Actually this is meditation too, but it’s easier than some other types. Who has stressed you ? Which thing has stressed you ? The thing/relationship/object that you are holding has let you go from it. It is not holding you. It has freed you. It is you who is clinging to it. You have become beggar in front of this thing you are trying to hold and that thing/relationship/person has suddenly master of yours.

Nothing in this world can stress us without our cooperation. Remember that stress is not coming from outside. Stress is right there inside you. Stress is right there inside all of us just waiting to come out and take us in its grip. It is ever present withing each one of us. We “are” stress. We are born stress free calm. See a child or see any bird or animal. They all are so free and so composed. Calmness is our true nature. We loose our calmness in our race to collect worldly things. Calmness is our true being. But our sense of expectations from our own selves and from this outer world makes us forget that calmness.

A bird or an animal or for that matter a plant/tree is stress free because it is happy being who it is. It is happy being comfortable in its skin. It has got no desires to please others or get accepted by others. We invite stress by always trying to mold ourselves as per demands of the outer world to just get accepted by others. We are constantly trying to forget our true selves and always trying to fit into the demands of others. This moving away from our true selves and not accepting ourselves the way we are is the biggest root cause of stress. Why this obsession with gaining acceptance from others? Because we are social animals? Nah..

This latent desire to gain acceptance in society , to fit into the peer circles,sets us up for a stressful life. How can you let go? Who is asking you to hold it forever? Your being possessive of whatever you are having or controlling is proof of your lack of faith in your own self. Why you want to own it or control it? Just to make yourself feel powerful or just to make yourself feel loved or wanted. Were you living life before this thing came into your life? If you could live life then without it , then trust me you can live life even now without it. Let it go. Let it live its own life. Do not act like a beggar. Act like an emperor who is ruler of his/her own kingdom.

The more importance you will give to anything in life, the more control that thing will hold over your life and the more miserable you will feel with the very thought of loosing control over the things your love or want to control. Just let it go. You have to do it yourself. There are no sure shot formula to let go of anything in life. The reality,to your discomfort,is that the thing you want to let go has left you already. It is only you who is holding it tightly to boost your ego, to feel yourself in control. Your clinging to that thing is proof that you derive your worth from that thing.

That thing has controlling you instead of you controlling it. There is only one way. Let it go effortlessly. Value yourself. You are greater than that thing. Just let it go. Free yourself. You are the bondage. You are the freedom. You need faith to let go. Before you write this off as a religious response, consider this: Faith is essential to solve any problem. If you don't believe that the problem is solvable, you'll approach it with the half heartedness you can afford. Let's look at some examples: Before cars were mass manufactured, it took faith to believe that the problem is solvable, with tyres and roads. It's so natural today, but imagine a world without tyres and roads. Imagine you're proposing this idea. Can you sell it without faith ?

Imagine James Watt's faith in locomotion before he ever saw a real train. The science was his inspiration but he needed to believe that metal “rails” (that never existed) could rest on perpendicular pieces of wood and sustain a heavy heavy water boiler (with rooms attached to it) supported on steel wheels to help move people! People thought he was crazy! Imagine the first flight or the first ship or the first man who brushed his teeth to avoid bad odour. I'll spare you a detailed explanation, but you get the picture? Similarly, to solve your problem, you need faith that you can do it. No amount of coaxing, distraction or work on something else will solve the problem. The only way to solve it is to have faith that you can do it. Cheers!