When To Let Go of Toxic Teammates?

A certain team leader reached out for my help recently because his department was stuck in a loop. Jonatan (we’ll call him) was at his wit’s end at the lack of progress his team was making, which was costing them sales and customers.?

It seemed that decisions, pretty essential decisions were simply not being made.?

Jonatan’s higher-ups weren’t calling the shots, and—while they had made it clear that they needed help—neither were the people he managed. So plans remained plans, and the department was at a standstill .?

It had gone on for months.

Jonatan and I discussed potential approaches during a coaching call, and we agreed on the best solution. He would speak to his supervisor and discuss the lack of movement, and that supervisor would take action.

After not hearing from him a little while, I assumed that all had been cleared up. But just a few days ago, Jonatan called me with an update that made me wince. His supervisor had agreed to think about the best course of action, and nothing had ever come of it.?

So the toxic pattern continued, as the supervisor kicked the can endlessly down the road.?

Toxic Patterns, Toxic People

It’s extremely strange how often toxicity has come up in my work recently.?

I mean, I’ve never had so many leaders reach out for my help with the same problem: their team is stuck in a certain sequence, and it can all be traced back to one person.

I’ve never had so many leaders reach out for my help with the same problem: their team is stuck in a certain sequence, and it can all be traced back to one person.

Each time, it looks the same. Whether it’s indecisiveness, dishonesty, or something else, negative patterns make everything come to a standstill and everything starts to revolve around them as the toxicity infects the whole team.?

Let me illustrate with another example—this time where I was physically present when the breakthrough moment should have happened. This problem here was avoidance; people weren’t discussing how they felt about things, and opinions weren’t being shared. Poor decisions were being made, and naturally, the company’s waning performance had brought it to the fore.

On this occasion, I attended the team’s meeting as a facilitator, where I made it very clear that we were talking about avoidance . People opened up the floodgates right before my eyes and all agreed that they would do something about it. It was the team’s top leader who was starting the trend, which made everyone else feel uncomfortable about discussing their thoughts with their colleagues.?

That was when the next step should have been taken, but you can guess the rest.

After I left, the pattern of avoidance kicked back in right away, and the team never followed through. It couldn’t have felt any worse.

Remove The Toxic Element

Situations like these are so painful to me that I call them the dark side of coaching. It’s because these toxic patterns all come back to one toxic person, and there’s really only so much I can do.

Situations like these are so painful to me that I call them the dark side of coaching.

I felt incredibly helpless after that meeting’s aftermath, like I’d acted as a temporary pain reliever for the team rather than actually driving any change.?

So what could I have done differently?

After a lot of deep thinking, the answer I came up with was: nothing.?

In situations where toxicity comes back to one particular person, sometimes the only way to remove the toxicity is by removing the toxic element. In these cases, a toxic leader is like a fractured keystone of a bridge that can never be repaired. At least, not until that toxic element is removed, and the team can build something new together.

Why Does It Happen?

In situations where toxicity comes back to one particular person, sometimes the only way to remove the toxicity is by removing the toxic element.

But why is it happening so much now?

In my eyes, the problems were always there, but the pandemic has made them worse. Where some were unable to lead effectively during the pandemic, teams developed their own systems to stay productive and navigate the crisis. These workflows, processes, and other workarounds can only cover the cracks for so long.?

As we slowly edge back into ‘normal’ work, 2021 has revealed them once more. It might even have made them all the more visible.??

The tragedy of toxicity is that there’s often only one solution. Either the toxic person has to change—and I mean really, whole-heartedly transform —or...someone needs to go.

What do you think?