When Leadership Hurts: The Personal Cost of Letting a Team Member Go

Letting someone go is never easy. But when it’s a person you genuinely like—or even consider family—it becomes a burden that lingers long after the conversation ends.

The professional world often portrays CEOs as decision-making machines, detached from emotions and laser-focused on outcomes. But the reality? Leadership comes with a weight few acknowledge.

When you’re the one making the call to part ways with a team member, the mental toll can be heavy. Especially when it’s someone you’ve shared laughter with, built trust with, or seen as more than just an employee.

Let’s unpack this.

Why It’s Harder Than It Looks

As a CEO, you’re expected to make tough calls. But no one warns you about the emotional cost tied to those decisions.

It’s not just about the professional implications—it’s personal. You’re not just ending a working relationship; you’re disrupting someone’s life. That knowledge doesn’t sit easily, especially when you’ve built a genuine connection with the person.

You start to question yourself:

• Am I doing the right thing?
• Could I have handled this better?
• Will this change how others see me as a leader—or even as a person?

These thoughts don’t just fade away after the meeting is over. They linger, replaying in the quiet moments when you’re alone with your thoughts.

The Impact on You as a Leader

Here’s the side of leadership no one talks about: the emotional aftermath.

The sleepless nights, where you find yourself second-guessing the decision. The awkwardness that might now define your future interactions with this person, especially if they were more than a colleague. The internal struggle of trying to separate “business” from “personal” when, in reality, they’re often intertwined.

Leadership can feel isolating. Decisions like this don’t come with a rulebook, and the weight can feel heavier when you carry it in silence.

But it’s important to remember—you’re human too.

How to Navigate the Emotional Fallout

While you can’t avoid the emotional strain entirely, there are ways to manage it and grow through the process:

1. Reaffirm Your 'Why': Remind yourself of the reasons behind the decision. Was it for the health of the business? The team? Clarity in your purpose helps ease the guilt.
2. Communicate with Empathy: Approach the conversation with honesty and respect. How you handle the situation says more about you as a leader than the decision itself.
3. Lean on Your Support Network: Don’t carry the weight alone. Talk to a mentor, coach, or trusted friend who understands the challenges of leadership.
4. Set Boundaries: If this person was also a friend, decide ahead of time how you’ll navigate the personal relationship moving forward.
5. Give Yourself Grace: This is a part of the journey. You won’t always get it right, but your intentions and values will guide you.

Lessons Learned

Leadership is about balance. Balancing the needs of the business with the humanity of the people you lead.

Here are three key lessons to take forward:

• Lesson 1: Leadership means making decisions with your head while honoring your heart.
• Lesson 2: Tough calls build resilience, but self-compassion keeps you grounded.
• Lesson 3: Integrity in your process ensures you remain aligned with your values.

Closing Thoughts

Leadership isn’t about being liked. It’s about doing what’s right—for your team, your business, and ultimately, for the individual who deserves honesty and fairness, even when it’s hard.

If you’re grappling with a tough decision, know this: you’re not alone. Every leader faces moments like these—it’s part of the growth.

How do you manage the emotional weight of leadership decisions? Let’s talk in the comments—your insights could help another leader in need.

P.S. If you’re struggling with a tough decision right now, take a moment to breathe. Reflect on your 'why' and trust that every step forward, even the difficult ones, shapes you into the leader you’re meant to be.