When leaders have a bad day

I'm a big fan of Succession (no spoilers in this newsletter). I love watching the ensemble cast and the show runners flex their muscle and weave what could have been a one-note story into something funny, cringy, sometimes endearing, and complex. I also love all of the recaps and analyses that come at the show from all angles like fashion, business and finance, family psychology, as well as architecture. It's a mastery of work that happens before, during, and after each episode. One of the more recent conversations about the show that left an impression on me is how those who operate in and around Waystar-Royco are, in some shape or form, bringing their personal anxiety to work. And that their "acting out" of said anxiety can have seismic business implications beyond the personal.

That happens in real life, too, perhaps (and hopefully) not to the degree of trauma the Roy children experienced. Work is a part of a social construct we live in and maintain, and whether or not we'd like to acknowledge and own it, who we are as people and how we deal with (or not) our anxiety and fear shows up at work in small and big ways. Leaders have bad days, too, but our actions, feelings, and words have outsized implications on how our colleagues and teams receive and react to them. Your influence can shift the mood of an entire organization, and even business decisions.

My bad days at work happen when I get frustrated. I have learned to recognize that the patterns of frustration for me happen not because something is wrong or that I am not compatible with my work environment. Rather, it happens as a part of a change management process that I'm driving, when we inevitably and predictably run into moments of reassessment, pivots, what feels like a setback but honestly in reality, more like "let's take a minute to hydrate ourselves before we keep this race going." When I get an idea in my head, seeing possible paths and outcomes around the corner, I want to get there fast. But bringing people somewhere new and getting there in ways that are different from anything we've done before takes time, because you can't just lead by forcing everyone to believe you're right (even if you are). My frustrations may be triggered by other people's actions, feelings, and words, but what I choose to do in those moments is entirely in my hands.

To that end, here are some things I've tried out to make sure my presence doesn't trigger a chain reaction of bad mood, or worse yet, bad business decisions and outcomes.

Be real. I sometimes choose to share my own anxiety as a part of context setting for my team and partners, particularly my direct reports whom I rely on constantly. The trick is to structure and couch your feelings and how that's impacting your current outlook and ways of looking at things or making decisions, so that it is a context-setting piece of information rather than an actual therapy session with your team (but do go get real therapy when appropriate—the less of our own baggage we bring to work, the healthier our work relationships will be). This establishes two things. First, I am a human being, too, and yes leaders can have bad days, but demonstrating that I am able to remain aware of my own anxiety and how it impacts my mood and decision making is one of the ways in which I try to practice leadership in a more thoughtful way. Secondly, sharing the emotional and social context helps my team and partners understand the multitudes of aspects I am trying to juggle when making certain decisions, and if they see me deviate from my usual principles, they help ground me, even if that means I need to step away and clear my head for a minute.

Don't act out. It's so tempting to just act my anxiety out and put the burden of dealing with it on someone else, anyone but me. It could even feel good in the moment, having relieved myself of the feelings I've been carrying with me. But what happens when a leader acts out is that we've now released a lot of anxiety out in the open without why and where it's coming from, leaving the team and partners guessing in between the haze of vague frustrations and tiptoeing around what feels like a potentially fraught situation. This is how you multiply "bad" decision making, because now everyone is trying to work around your feelings instead of trying to work through to make the best possible decision for the business and the people we serve.

Recognize patterns. When you run into same types of annoying or frustrating feelings often enough, take a minute to observe and note what patterns you might recognize in the environment, people, behaviors, feelings, words, or the context that's driving you to feel this way. This is where you need to take the responsibility of leadership into a reflective space, and learn to recognize what it is about the situation that influences you, and what it is that you do or do not have within your control to shift the tide. At some point, it is irresponsible to simply live with the same conditions over and over again without reflecting on it, and let them influence your leadership style or capabilities in ways that are detrimental to you, your team and partners, and the business. Something's got to change, and you do have that choice, whether it begins with your own outlook or your influence over the situation.

Leaders are people, too, and we are going to have our own version of bad days, whatever they look like. That said, a leader's influence during those moments is perhaps even more powerful than on a good or neutral day. Let's try to be the kinds of leaders who don't make other people (or the business!) suffer just because we're having one of those days.