When was the last time you bought a man flowers?

As I gear up to officially launching Token Man Consulting (TMC), I will be spending the summer reading as much as I can around gender equity, allyship and inclusive leadership* as well as experiencing as much of what is out there to support men as they look to a more modern, more tender form of masculinity (e.g. I am returning to Josh Connolly’s Uncommon Man next month which I can’t recommend highly enough).

As part of this education, one of my ex clients told me just last week that I must read Caitlin Moran’s book “More than a woman” and the chapter entitled “The hour of ‘What about the men.’” The whole chapter resonated with me and very much aligned with the work I hope to do through TMC and is probably best typified by this paragraph:

“Talking about your problems, being honest about your emotions, having a tightly bonded peer group with whom you can discuss your hopes and fears, being able to reinvent yourself day after day, feeling united in a common, hopeful aim, being desired, rejoicing in beautiful things - these are all seen as ‘female things’. And these are the things that men are missing from their lives.”

However the story that hit me the most was that of the man who gave his 93 year old father some sunflowers, inspired by a thread on Caitlin’s twitter around the downsides of being a man:

‘I went and gave my 93 year old father flowers yesterday. Sunflowers, because I know he loves them. He’d never received flowers before. He cried.”

You can therefore imagine my shock and surprise last Thursday as I greeted Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz at the door as he arrived for dinner, that he was holding two bunches of sunflowers. I said to him “Who are those for?” He said “You. I don’t know why but I saw them and something told me that I needed to buy them for you.” It was the first time I had received flowers. And it meant a lot - there’s a reason why Kenny’s been called the Man Whisperer!

So as we strive for gender equity in the workplace, it would be good to each try and do everything we can do to breakdown harmful stereotypes and a good start would be, the next time you are giving a man a gift or simply saying thank-you, then consider saying it with flowers.

* If you’re interested, here is my current reading list. Do feel free to add any additional suggestions in the comments:

• The Authority Gap - Mary Ann Sieghart
• Good Guys: How men can be better allies for women in the workplace
• Her allies - Hira Ali
• How to be an ally - Melinda Briana Epler
• Rebel ideas - Matthew Syed
• Visionary Male Leaders - Sarah Bellorini
• When men win at work - Gill Whitty-Collins
• The Will to Change - Bell Hooks
• You are not the man you are supposed to be - Martin Robinson
• Online Men’s Groups Success: A Step-by-Step Guide to Facilitating Personal Development Groups for Men - Kenny Mammarella-D’Cruz (The Man Whisperer)