When Kids Lie: Three Ways To Parent Respectfully
Julie Freedman Smith
Helping courageous parents create the family harmony they've dreamed of, without changing everything, through customized 1:1 mentoring.
It's a frustrating dilemma, we want to trust our kids, and we know that they will sometimes lie to us, just like many of us lied to our own parents. Last week, I wrote about how we may set our kids up to lie. Today, I'll share three ways you can respond respectfully, and teach a new way of behaving.
When you can trust the choices your child makes, you can give them more freedom to act on their own. When you can't trust the child to make good choices, they are choosing to have less freedom to make those choices.
An early example: When we can't trust our child to stay with us on the sidewalk, we need to hold their hand. As we practice with them to walk close beside us in the house, and in the backyard, they learn a new skill. Once we can trust in their ability to stay close, we can let them have the freedom to walk beside us on the sidewalk without holding their hand.
This same principle applies with;
?2. When The Child Shows You They Can't Be Trusted, Believe Them And Teach A New Habit
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When your child says they've brushed their teeth and you know they haven't, don't just hope that they'll do it tomorrow. Instead you can say a version of the following,
"You have shown me that you need a new habit for brushing teeth. I'll stay with you for the next 5 days as you show me you can brush your own teeth. Then, we'll try one day with me, one day without. Then we'll move to 2 days without me, 1 day with me so that we know you've learned a new habit for brushing teeth."
?3. Ask The Child How They Will Re-Earn Your Trust
Involving the child in this process helps them to see that they have a responsibility to help solve the problem. This is not just a parent problem, it's about the parent-child relationship and holding oneself accountable to do what we say we will do.
As a child develops, you will likely find yourself repeating some of these steps at different ages and stages. This is not about bad parenting, or bad kids, it's about the learning process. Parenting is about loving our child, believing they can learn new things, and taking the time to teach new habits.
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