The When I’m Gone File – An Act of Love

In a 2020 blog , I introduced the idea of When I’m Gone File, an important blueprint for family members dealing with financial and personal affairs in the event of your passing. Four years and a global pandemic later, the topic remains as important as it ever was.?

As an Estate Planning and Elder Law attorney I spend most of my days thinking about, and talking to other people about, death, dying and planning for a disability. No one likes to dwell on the subject, but for the vast majority of us, the timing of our passing will be unexpected. Every adult needs a When I’m Gone File; preparing one will save your loved ones lots of time, heartache, and money.?

Just in case the information presented here leaves you feeling overwhelmed, allow yourself to progress in steps and know that your file can be changed at any time. It’s just important to get started.

What is a When I’m Gone File?

It’s exactly what it says it is. It’s the file for your loved ones that provides them instructions about how to wind up your financial and personal affairs. One or two trusted loved ones should know where to find it and how to access it. It can be a file on your computer, in the Cloud, in your home paper files, in your fireproof safe or a shoe box. You choose whatever works best for you.?

What should be in it?

• Estate Planning Documents – your trust, will, healthcare/advance directive and financial/health care powers of attorney, as well as contact information for the lawyer that prepared the documents.
• Marriage, birth and divorce certificates, as well as a copy of your passport and social security card.
• Property records, including property deeds and car, boat, trailer and other titles.
• Financial Account numbers and where to find the passwords. For security, I recommend the use of an online password manager, such as Last Pass https://www.lastpass.com/ , and then sharing the master password with one or two loved ones you trust.
• Social Media, phone, computer, email, gaming, airline miles and other similar account information and where to find the passwords. This is so important because without this information your loved ones may be unable to manage the accounts as you would have wanted or be unable to recover your miles or other valuable online assets.? A great service to help with this is DCS – Directive Communication Systems, https://www.directivecommunications.com/ . It allows you to keep all of this information in one place and for designated loved ones to access it on your passing.
• A list of healthcare providers and names/dosages of medications.
• Instructions for paying any bills and/or managing any accounts you have.
• Instructions for your funeral and the arrangements you want made.
• Letters to loved ones, meaningful information and (possibly) an ethical will.These are so important. What do you want your loved ones to know if you pass unexpectedly – what recipes do you need to pass on – what instructions do they need – what do you want them to know about your life?
• A personal message for your loved ones – some piece of you to hold on to and remember you by.

As you build your file, particularly the deeply meaningful messages, it may remind you to talk to loved ones now. Make sure they know how much they’re loved, as well as information you wish to pass on to them - how to make those cookies, how to start the fire, where to find the morels, how to dress a deer, how to plant the herb garden. Whatever it is that you know how to do and have always done for everyone, and that they would miss dearly along with missing you, make sure they know.? Plus, the time spent together now will be a blessing.

My own When I’m Gone File is an evolving work in progress, it includes letters to my 3 boys and my sisters and a few beloved friends.? Essentially these are love letters and also an attempt, especially with the boys, to explain some difficult things, like my and their father’s divorce, in a meaningful and loving way. I also included my favorite recipes, including those for my pizza dough crust, bread recipe, lasagna, and gingerbread cookies.

Time to Update??

If you created your When I’m Gone File when I published my original blog on the matter, it may be time to update. Ensure that the most recent copies of your important documents are in the file, as well as current accounts and passwords, updated instructions, etc.

For those interested in learning more on the subject, I recommend the following resources:

• ?Why You Need to Make a When I Die File – Before it's Too Late, Time Magazine.
• A Beginner’s Guide to the End, by BJ Miller, MD and Shoshana Berger
• The Forever Letter, Writing What We Believe for Those We Love, by Elana Zaiman ?

Contact our St. Louis office at 314-303-3218 for assistance regarding a When I’m Gone File or for information regarding Estate Planning or Elder Law.

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