When I'm 50-Years Young: A Thought Exercise at 25-Years Old

For what do I hope to be remembered when I am 50-years old? As my friends and family gather around the dinner table to celebrate my 50th trip around the sun. What impression do I hope to have left on them? What do I hope to have accomplished by that point in my life?

This reflection summarizes the traits, characteristics, and impressions that I want to embody during my life. The things I appreciate about myself now. The weaknesses that I acknowledge need work. The guiding principles of the stories that I will one day share with my children and grandchildren alike.

 This reflection will serve as a road map as I move through the coming 25 years of my life. As I work and quit. As I live and move. As I meet someone to care about more than myself. As I have kids and try my best not to screw them up too badly. As I grow as a person. As I blaze my own trail and shape my experience into a life that I can be proud of when I am 50-years young.

 It's been an interesting thought exercise and a question that has now been asked of me twice in several months. Time to dig deep and figure out what is important to me.

 What is really important to me.

 1. Pressure Creates Diamonds

A quote by Peter Marshall that has stuck with me through my life is as follows.

 "When we long for life without difficulty, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds, and diamonds are formed under pressure."

 From what I remember of my 10th-grade biology classes, diamonds start as simple carbon. And over time, the carbon becomes diamonds. Through heat, pressure, fire, and science that I do not understand, carbon eventually becomes valuable. From dirt to dollars.

What a crazy concept. (1)

That quote serves as a personal reminder that in the long run, good times are great, but bad times are formative. The times where I’ve really learnt the most about myself are the bad times. These are the times that I’ve learnt the hard lessons.

 The initial quote was shared with me by my father amid my parent’s divorce. The process through which they split up was a series of events that shaped me as a person. It shaped my worldview, my defences, and my triggers. (2)

When my life is good, self-reflection often feels unnecessary. On the flip side, when I’m riding the struggle bus and biting the dust, I can consciously choose to be introspective. To learn the hard lessons. That quote is a reminder for me that under pressure, I’ll eventually become a diamond. And that when the winds blow contrary, and I’m battling adversity, I can seize the opportunity to grow stronger.

Those words make up the first tattoo that I ever got. I translated the writing into Anglo Saxon because it's a mouthful. If someone asks me what it means, and I don't feel like sharing it, I respond: "there's a reason it's not in English." I have yet to come across anyone that can read Anglo Saxon. (3)

2. Laughter is the Best Medicine

I hope that the memories I forge with my friends and family are centred on smiles and laughter.

Smile and laugh - early and often. From my perspective, these two impulses go hand in hand. Laughing is a derivative of smiling. As I like to say, the math checks out.

Admittedly there are times when smiling isn't possible. I don't like to admit it, but I cry sometimes. And most certainly, I also get angry. But I want to be a person that inspires as much laughter as possible. That doesn't take life too seriously. That's comfortable laughing at myself.

With me or at me; if you're laughing, I see that as a win.

3. Be the Change you Want to See in the World

I want to be a leader in shaping change.

Leaders lead by example because actions speak louder than words. During my lifetime, I will strive to embody the change that I hope to see globally. Energy consumption and sustainability are at the heart of my longer-term goals right now. This will be the next thing into which I invest my time.

This is a story for another day. A project that I look forward to revealing in the future.

“If you want to make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and make that change.” - Michael Jackson

 By motivating myself to pursue change through my actions, I hope to encourage others to do the same. Leadership means walking the walk.

 Limited talking, mostly walking.

 4. Family First

 My familial experience is what shaped me as a human. The caring of my mother when I was too young to walk. The hard work of my father that I’ve observed from birth to this day. The flourishing creativity of my mother. The analytical, logical thinking of my father.

 A combination of these traits’ course through my veins. They are embedded in my DNA.

 "Blood runs thicker than water."

 I would not be here without them. And neither would my two brothers. My siblings: the two people in the world that share a version of the experience I grew up in.

 While we may no longer be a traditional familial unit, I strive to be there to support them through thick and thin. Ups and downs. Sickness and health. They are vital to me, and I best not forget that. In fact, I wear it on my sleeve so that I do not forget - tattoo #3. An ode to my family and my home. A supplement to tattoo #2, as laid out below. (4)

 "I am because we are."

 The quick and dirty summary of my second tattoo is that it's literally a circle with three dots. But really, it’s three people in a circle, holding hands. (5) It’s a symbol of teamwork. A reminder that the whole is always greater than the sum of the parts. In sports. In work. In life.

At the end of the day, everything is a team sport if you want it to be.

5. Loyalty, and more Loyalty

Loyalty is critical to me. To know that someone has my back and that I have theirs. There isn't much to this idea that I feel comfortable sharing right now, so I’ll leave it brief. The brevity of this point does not, however, negate its importance.

As I alluded to previously, the bad times are when you learn about yourself. It’s also when you discover who has your back. Who is willing to get into the trenches with you and help dig you out. The bad times are when you find out who your friends really are.

To my friends – I’ll see you in the trenches.

6. Thirst for Adventure

Imagine sitting behind a desk for your whole life? If you haven't noticed, I couldn't.

Our planet is incredible. It's full of interesting people, beautiful places, and unique perspectives. Not to prioritize exploring this one world of ours would be a real waste — an absolute shame.

I hope to continue adventuring until the day I die. Going to new places. Doing new things. Being a YES man.

7. Caring and Supportive

There is nothing more selfless than making sure that someone else is okay. Many people do an excellent job of hiding their feelings. Of masking their emotions. I am somewhat of an expert in this field.

Ask your friends how they're doing. It's easy to do, and if they say “no, I’m not," then you've done them a major service. You've allowed them to step up to the mic and voice their fears if they so desire. Or not. That's also okay. I see it as my job to provide them with the opportunity to express themselves if they want to.

Be there for your friends. Because if you are, they’ll be there for you when you need a hand up.

8. Remember to Break the Rules; Especially the Unwritten Ones

Rules are a funny thing — my relationship with them; even funnier.

My current view is that you're obliged to try and break them once you're old enough to understand the rules. Not all of them, of course. The stupid ones, though? Definitely. 

There are a lot of stupid ones. Break those ones, over and over again. And if you get caught, own up to it. Be proud for trying, and accept your punishment with your head held high. I haven't been very good at that thus far, but this reflection is for me more than anything. This is a personal reminder to do better on this front.

A recent, personal example is as follows: "Don't quit your job until you've found a new one, Adam." An unwritten rule that I heard countless times over the past several months.

Maybe that would work best for some, but not for me. I chose to break that rule, and I'm glad that I did. My life is better off for doing it. I'm happy again. I've got a bounce in my step, once again — a smile on my face. I haven't felt this feeling in a hot minute.

Breaking rules is important because it tests their integrity — testing which rules are essential and which ones are not.

I will also take this opportunity to thank my parents for refraining from infanticide as I grew up. When I was a belligerent adolescent: screaming, crying, running exploring (6). I can imagine that the ethos I’ve just laid out made me a challenging child to parent.

Sorry, mum and dad. For breaking all the rules. Written and unwritten.

9. A Champion for the Little Girl / Guy

I come from a fortunate upbringing, all things considered. My parents have always cared about me deeply and supported me through thick and thin.

Not everyone is so lucky.

I've acknowledged this previously, but it's important to be thankful for what I have. And I am grateful. But that's not enough.

I'll use an example from my experience working as an investment banker. I would get a lot of emails and LinkedIn requests from people who wanted to work at Goldman. And while this wasn’t always possible, I made time to have as many of these conversations as possible. Regardless of background or connection to them. Because I wanted to support the little girls and guys. To try and help others achieve their dream of working in New York, for Goldman or otherwise. To repay the goodwill of those that walked before me and helped me achieve my goals.

I had a lot of these discussions. This was, in fact, what inspired me to write the first thing I published under my own name.

10. Old at Head, Young at Heart

Growing up has its perks. But so does being young. Mark Twain once said:

"Too bad that youth is wasted on the young."

 Youth is innocence. An opportunity to make mistakes and learn from them in a risk-free environment. Where the expectations I now place on myself had not yet been established. And then I grew up. I became more mature. Independent.

 Why not put these things in a blender? Take the best of both worlds, and combine them? The old and the young. The benefits of being innocent, accepting, and unburdened. The benefits of being mature, independent, and free.

 As corny as it sounds, age is just a number. Once you're old enough to drink, the good birthdays are gone anyways. They’re behind you and not coming back. So stop counting them.

 Until the next time

 As I said to kick this thing off, I hope this to be a roadmap for the next 25 years of my life. A set of guiding principles that I reflect on when I think. When I act. When I speak.

 I look forward to revisiting this publication in future. To make edits and changes. Reflecting on what’s important to me as I grow and learn. To update these reminders.

 I would encourage you to go through this same thought exercise. Reflect on the question: “How do I hope to be remembered when I’m 50.” If only for your personal reflection or for publication. For me, it’s been a great chance to take stock of who I hope to be as a human being going forward.

 Note: this reflection is worth what you paid for it.

____________________

 (1) De Beers deserves a lot of credit for their marketing over the years. For establishing the "value" in diamonds. The stone of love. The thing that, as a man, you "need" to propose to someone you love. There's a reason they're a private company. A company like that, with blood diamonds on their hands, wouldn't be able to float in the public eye. Instead, they thrive in secret, in the shadows, as one of the largest diamond wholesalers in the world. If you haven't before, watch Blood Diamond. If I were to guess, I would think they researched De Beers to make that movie. A great marketing firm, nonetheless.

 (2) My parents were splitting up, and I was an unhappy kid. Pissed off, mostly about nothing other than the fact that I was really sad. That my family had broken apart. And that was pretty devastating. I've bounced back since then and come to terms with a lot of it. But without question, that was a defining event in my life and shaped the lenses through which I see life.

 (3) My heritage is predominantly British and Irish. There’s some other stuff in there too. But, this is why I chose Anglo Saxon. The fact that no one can read it is also a plus. I would bet that there are some spelling mistakes in there. Some translations that I messed up. Once again, the fact that no one can read is excellent.

 (4) I share this tattoo with one of my closest friends, Charlie. We got it while travelling through Thailand together after exploring Vietnam and Cambodia. I'll always be proud of this tattoo because we share it.

 (5) Ubuntu - the following excerpt was taken directly from Wikipedia because I find it relatively accurate. "As Archbishop Desmond Tutu describes this perspective, ubuntu ‘is not, “I think therefore I am.” It says rather: “I am a human because I belong. I participate. I share.”’ In essence, I am because you are."

(6) Admittedly, I still do these things, but they're less frequent and more controlled.