When will I feel I've made it?

I was asked to do a speech recently about my business achievements. But instead of thinking ‘Damn, you really did that’, I thought of all the things I hadn’t done yet.

All the reasons I wasn’t successful … yet. Why are brains like that? Why do they like to remind us what we haven’t done, instead of what we have?

The Confidence Equation

Our craving for certainty means we are more likely to question things when they’re new. This is why we’re hesitant to change. This is also why, when we are asked to do something that is really good for our career, our mind likes to take a detour to ‘what could go wrong’.

This is why a well-meaning pep talk won’t always get you over the finish line. Instead, we can apply?The Confidence Equation?(which I’ll be teaching at Brand You on 13 July -?join me ):

Confidence = Evidence + Validation + Self Belief (learn more )

The road to yes

To help me get to the starting line of yes, over the years, I’ve trained myself to think different thoughts.

By combining evidence, validation and self-belief, I have learned to transform an initial fear of the unknown to known realities. From this place, I can make helpful decisions.

Here is my process when saying ‘yes’ to something new. Doing this helps me use my energy towards finding reasons why I will be successful (instead of why I’m not there ‘yet’!):

• To have something you’ve never had before, you need to do something you’ve never done before. Write a list of things you will gain by saying yes. This helps override ‘loss aversion’ which is our tendency to worry about what we will lose, instead of what we will gain.
• You can’t become good at something without doing it first. You can’t intellectualise yourself into receiving. You have to take action. To become as good as the people you admire, you have to start.
• Ask yourself, ‘What is the best thing that could happen if this goes well? If the worst thing did indeed happen, what would that mean?’ How could you plan to handle it to lower uncertainty and increase your confidence?
• Remember, when you do the thing, you will feel different as you’re stepping out of your comfort zone into your learning zone. This is where the?inner critic?loves to join the conversation. You’re doing something you’ve never done before, so you will feel on the edge of your competence. This will mean you will feel like a beginner again. This is learning and this is growing and is a good thing as it means you’re improving.
• If you find yourself complaining … consider whether you’re having an adult tantrum. Under the complaining, what’s really happening for you? For example, are you grumpy you have to work a little harder than usual? Are you annoyed that no one is going to do it for you? If it’s because you genuinely don’t want to do it, decide and decline. If you do want to do it, decide and move forward.
• If you simultaneously feel bored and overwhelmed, it’s time to clarify what you want. Read my book?There Has To Be More - The Essential Guide to Personal Growth ?to see me work this out and to do it yourself.

Who we are is a reflection of the choices we make, the things we say yes to, the things we say no to. Our job is to make sure we stop saying no to ourselves long enough to make it to the starting line. From there, we can start.

To become the person we want to be, sometimes we need to talk ourselves into doing new things. You can choose to say yes or no. But you can’t say yes to something you haven’t put your hand up for first.

Good luck out there.

Arohanui,