When It Hurts, And We Have to Suck It Up and Move On

Last Saturday, April 22, somebody broke into my car and stole my backpack with my laptop and wallet in it. In a few seconds, that person not only took my material property, but five years of writing, research, three book-projects, my podcast files, contacts lists, and even a San Valentine’s card that my wife gave me. And I didn’t have a backup. I was devastated, and I’m still sort of mourning this important loss and huge setback for all my work. Hundreds of hours of work were wiped out in an instant.

It hurts really badly when something that we don’t even think as possible happens, or when things don’t go as we expected. And it is absolutely ok to be hurt, to be devastated, and to mourn our losses and failures. However, dwelling in the pain and frustration doesn’t take us anywhere, especially if we still have the capacities to make up for all that has been lost. When something hurts, we have a time to mourn, to be sad and frustrated, and then also comes the time to suck it up and move on.

Besides the basic lessons of “don’t leave valuables in your car” and “back up your computer’s information”, there are five transcendental lessons from this experience that I want to share: 

1. We have to suck it up and move on: life goes on. It always does, with or without our consent. Dwelling in the pain of what hurts for too long is detrimental for the possibility to grow and develop from those things that happen to us. If we want to live a life at its highest levels of meaning, enjoyment and happiness, we have to always move on.
2. The bad things help us develop a thick skin to endure more: bad things will always happen. Sometimes we can avoid them, and some others we can’t. One thing that truly increases our capacity to live life at its fullest is our resiliency to continue the journey, regardless of the negative events. It is critical to understand the lessons from each experience, embrace each of them and learn to do better next time. Negative and positive experiences are life’s gurus. They are meant not teach us the way or where to go, but the turns we have to take or avoid.
3. The world is not as we see it or as we want it to be: I never leave valuables in my car. However, last Saturday I absolutely forgot to take my backpack out and, well, it was stolen. I wish we didn’t have to worry so much for our safety or our material possessions, but the world is a tough place. We probably wish that things were a little different and not have to worry about so many things. Unfortunately, we have to learn to keep an eye in what is important for us. We can’t neglect the things that require a lot of our care and love.
4. Looking at all the good that happens, the bad things seem small: I was devastated by losing my information, although little by little I’m recovering my good mood and optimism. Especially because I don’t want to miss the great things happening in my life right now. When I think about it, there are so many things going well that I can’t let just one thing to opaque the beauty of life. It is ok to suffer, because we care and love. But we also have to keep the events in our life in perspective among all great things that are happening to us. Sometimes we are too stubborn focusing on the one flower that is dying in our garden, that we miss the opportunity to see the entire blooming green forest around us.
5. An opportunity to begin something new, and better: some of my friends told me that I had lost my laptop and papers, but not my head. They also told me that I needed to see this event as an opportunity to make better what I had already done before. They are right. Very often we get too comfortable with the way things are, or even afraid to step up and push our limits. And because the exciting things in life only happen outside our comfort zone, sometimes we need an event that shakes up the status quo in our lives and helps us see things from a different and perhaps more meaningful perspective. It’s better to see the negative things as bumps in the road and opportunities to propel us further, than as a deep hole from which we can’t get out.

Follow me on Twitter: @erubio_p
Visit my blog: www.innovationdev.org

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About the Author: Enrique Rubio is an Electronic Engineer and a Fulbright scholar with an Executive Master’s Degree in Public Administration from Syracuse University. Enrique is passionate about leadership, business and social entrepreneurship, curiosity, creativity and innovation. He is a blogger and podcaster, and also a competitive ultrarunner. Visit the blog: Innovation for Development and Podcast. Click here to follow Enrique on Twitter. 

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