When the "Happy" in the "New" Goes M.I.A

I simply cannot recall where I was and what I was doing when the clock struck midnight December 31, 2021. I definitely crossed over into the new year but I cannot say how I did it and what frame of mind I was in when I did. Typically, I would attend a "watch night" service and then ring in the new year with my Church community. I do not think I did that. 2022 was a good year nevertheless and for that, I am deeply grateful.

This New Year's eve I was home with family. I had my routine worked out in my mind. I would take some time to reflect and refine my vision and write my goals before midnight. The family would then head downtown for the festivities and take some photos of us celebrating our "cross-over." I would do the usual banter of coming up with something very deep to share on social media, with hopes of inspiring the masses.

Well, at least this time I am clear about what happened - nothing. I laid on the couch until midnight, re-watching previously watched and re-watched episodes of Law and Order, then retired to bed with my husband. We chatted about a slew of things into the early morning before falling asleep. New Year's day was just as low key with very little fanfare. We had family devotion then resorted to doing our own thing for the rest of the day. We did manage to drum up enough energy to do dinner at one of my favorite Indian restaurants.

The play of events or lack thereof, really had me reflecting afterwards for some time. I can admit that I have taken it for granted that everyone and if not everyone, the vast majority of us roll into the new year with an established and well played out routine. There is a certain feeling we should have and an image we should project. There are buzzwords we should tout. Our posture should exude enthusiasm, energy, drive, clarity, focus. Everything about us should scream we are ready to do business, to get things done. It is, after-all, the new year! But, what if the "usual" is not?

My segue into 2023 really had me not only reflecting on being grateful for still being in the land of the living, but also being a bit more aware and mindful of those individuals for whom the "happy" in the "new" may have seemingly gone missing in action. And then I considered, how many others out there are also aware that the "usual" is not necessarily the norm for everyone? I further thought, "Do those for whom the "usual" is not their experience this time around, have the space to say openly that it just is not?" Will they be judged, vilified, isolated, labeled "Debby Downers," "party poopers," "pessimists?"

Toxic positivity is an insidious and dysfunctional approach to emotional management that attempts to constrain people's credible experiences with negative sentiments. It literally shuts them up. It demands that they keep quiet about those thoughts and feelings that are inducing discomfort, disenchantment, sadness, even pain, particularly when revealing their state is a disrupter for everyone else. In other words, to say what they feel and think will make everyone else around them uncomfortable, even bothered. Instead, they go inside of themselves, all while attempting to muffle their own voice and hide from their reality.

These are the individuals who present the cheeriest, the most upbeat, the brightest, the happiest, the funniest in the room. We do not see the depression, suicidal ideation and self-harming tendencies nipping at their heels, neither do they do think or feel safe enough to expose themselves, let alone ask for help.

So while we are on the subject and since it is still the start of the new year, I think it is worthwhile taking a pause to really check in with ourselves and our loved ones to see how we are faring in this regard.

Here are a few questions I have been reflecting on while still on the cusp of 2023:

1. Who is defining the "happy" in your "new?"

• Are you going along with a collective narrative centering what happiness should look like, simply to go along or to at least appear to?
• If the collective definition does not fit your definition, why would you buy into it? Who said you needed to anyway?
• Who says that because it does not reflect the dominant discourse that your "happy" is missing?
• Can you craft your idea of "happy" independent of the dominant discourse and can you choose to be happy with it?

2. Can you abandon the "script?"

• Who are you without the "script?"
• Yes, there is that routine. You know, the "usual" vision board parties being featured everywhere and calls to level up at every other conference being advertised at this time. Are you brave enough, comfortable enough to let go of the "usual" to embrace the unusual, something different?
• Are you okay with not knowing what is next, at least right now?

3. Do you have the freedom to just keep it 100?

• Can you be authentic with yourself?
• Can you be authentic with others in your circle?
• Can you fully own your experiences and accept them for what they are without fearing you will be a burden to others?
• Are you okay with not being okay?

I truly believe that, not just at the start of a new year but throughout the whole, there should be a place and a space for those who are just not where the rest of us are. It is my prayer in this new year that we endeavor to foster environments in which we are all a bit more mindful, more aware, more empathic, and more gracious towards our fellow humans. That if someone needs to disrupt our comfort zone or holler for help, he or she would not hesitate or think twice in doing so.

Happy New Year to all of you and thank you so much for your continued support!

Georgia A. Bryce-Hutchinson?is an accomplished Mental Health Consultant/Trainer and Practitioner, who leverages an Environmental Engineering background to set the framework, language, and impact of coaching across corporate and one-on-one environments. She specializes in advising organizations and employees on mental health literacy, awareness, and crisis intervention and devising preventative strategies to increase workforce productivity, engagement, and retention. Georgia has the ability to meet employees and people where they are in their lives, pivoting to support both the employee and the organization from an inside-out approach.?Connect with Georgia at?[email protected]