WHEN THERE IS NO GUILT AT CHRISTMAS

During these days, as is customary for me this time of year, I've been discussing the frenzy that surrounds the Christmas (and pre-Christmas) period. In the World Radio Switzerland monthly radio segment I take part in, I shared some tips on how to manage this busy time. However, inspired by my sister, I began to think about the opposite perspective: what about those who don't find Christmas stressful? Those who not only love it but thrive on anticipating the new year and reflecting on the past. So, what do people who don't feel guilt at Christmas do? So, here I share my story.

The Presents Story

In the past, I was someone who loved Christmas, but always with a bit of stress. Most of this stress came from the obligation to think about presents. Not because of the joy in giving but because it felt like a mandatory task. This made me realize how much I enjoy giving presents when it's something special for someone specific. It doesn't have to be tied to Christmas or a birthday; any occasion will do. This approach benefits my mental health by allowing me to express myself naturally through presents, without a deadline. Societal expectations during this time can create a sense of obligation instead of the freedom to be ourselves. How did I realize that? I started knowing myself better: that feeling in the stomach that something wasn’t right whenever I was forcing myself to buy a present for a very specific occasion: I listened to it.

?If I feel someone was expecting a present and it didn't arrive, I'm honest about it.

The Multiple Gatherings Story

Both professionally and personally, there's an accumulation of events in November and December. People want to finish things, and while finishing tasks is fulfilling, the value we assign to it matters too. If we connect finishing a task with being accomplished and not finishing with failing, it can be really sad to see the month of December pass. Sometimes, we're too exhausted to finish, so why force it? Instead of pressuring ourselves to set new goals, we can view January as a time to continue what we've started. Gathers postponed to the new year might even be more refreshing. I prioritize seeing the most important people before Christmas, being realistic about my energy levels. If I'm very tired, I consider whether I can attend extra events without feeling completely drained. What's my priority this December? We don't need FOMO for what the year still has to offer. Saying 'NO' instead of 'YES' may prevent exhaustion. This year, my husband and I decided not to visit our families for Christmas. We considered our year, budget, and work commitments and communicated this decision. Open communication is crucial, even if it is difficult.

The Goals for the New Year Story

I like noting down wishes and goals, comparing them to the previous year. If I haven't achieved a goal, I don't see it as a failure. I assess whether I can make the goal smaller and more achievable. If not, accepting what I cannot do and creating a new, relieving goal is worthwhile. I differentiate between self-care and mental wellbeing goals and other types, like professional or family goals. A self-compassionate plan helps me enjoy the end of the year without feeling unaccomplished.

The Super Amazing New Year’s Eve Story

I used to be one of these people who had to have an amazing party for new year’s eve, and that was important to me. Like I had to end the year epically. Then I realized, talking to a friend of mine, that this was contributing to make me feel so much pressure on myself and on the party itself, and what I truly needed was to be with the people I loved and even a simple dinner would be OK. I love celebrating, and dancing and making it count, but if the situation is not always like that, or you don’t find the company you want for that occasion, then I told myself why don’t I just accept that I can be? That I don’t have to necessarily entertain myself or others. I can also just be. It has been so liberating for me, since I am such an energetic type of person who want people to have fun, to do meaningful things. Sometimes you cannot force things (I am still learning this).

In conclusion, some people find this time calming and enjoy being alone, decorating the Christmas tree, going to the Christmas market, and simply being cozy. We should all ask ourselves: What am I grateful for this month, and what would be the best for me and my loved ones? These simple self-coaching questions can make a difference.