When Gratitude is Nowhere to be Found

A day in the life

A few days ago, I woke up with great joy, expectation, and excitement. I had a very productive morning largely running errands to “make life work” as they say. Got home about 1:00 PM, ate lunch,and then discovered I'd missed a Zoom meeting that I had scheduled. I felt terrible. From there on, I had a tough time focusing on my work, a hard time being grateful. I was just feeling very “blah”, lacking energy, lacking focus. Somehow I mustered the energy to complete what had to be done and then mid-afternoon called it a day.?

I was confident that the next day would be better, that I would again have better focus and energy, that I would again be grateful for all the good in my life.?

The reason I'm telling you all this is because all of us as human beings, no matter how optimistic we are, no matter how grateful we are, no matter how energetic we are, no matter how positive we are, we're going to hit those lows. After riding the crest of the wave we’ll plummet to its trough. I want you to know that's OK. It’s OK to have times like these. I'm really saying this more to myself than to y'all because I am definitely a Type A and often put a lot of pressure on myself. Although I know a certain amount of pressure is good as I strive toward my goals, sometimes I put too much pressure on myself, not allowing myself to be human. I suspect you’ve had times like those, too.?

When the trough is too deep

But what happens when you’re in a trough that just seems so deep you wonder if you’ll ever get out? That’s happened to me, too, so I’d like to share with you a time that I did find myself in one of those deep troughs and what worked for me to come out of it.?

Celebrating an “international holiday”

It was December 2, 2020, just a few months since I’d moved to Charleston, my dream location. And boy, was I in a trough. I was lethargic, blue, and sad. It was the 15th anniversary of my husband’s death. This was a first for me, as it never had hit me like it hit me that day. At the time, I was working for a global technology company, so I let my boss know that I’d be taking that day off. ??

And right after I hung up the phone, I declared an “International Be Kind to Sandie Day.”?

My celebration of this international holiday began with going to Vicious Biscuit and enjoying a Lowcountry eggs benedict. This delectable creation starts with a moist, tender, buttery biscuit cut in half. The bottom half is then topped by a crab cake. Then the crab cake is topped with a poached egg and then everything is lavishly ladled with remoulade sauce.

Finishing my feast, I went to the iconic bridge of Charleston, the Ravenel, to walk its 3.5-mile span and then back again. It was a gorgeous December day in Charleston, with a brilliant blue sky and just a slight chill in the air. A perfect day to enjoy a walk on the Ravenel Bridge.

Coming to its midpoint, I noticed a plaque commemorating the building of the Ravenel. Looking closely, I saw something astonishing. The bridge, too, was in its 15th year. Wow. A very interesting intersection of events.

This got me to thinking. I won’t take up space in this newsletter to go into detail about these thoughts, but if you’re interested in learning more, you can go to my blogpost “What a Bridge Taught Me About Life and Living.”

After completing my walk on the bridge, I came home, enjoyed supper, and watched a television show. (A little brain candy now and then can help, too.) I retired to bed and awoke the next day refreshed and energized. My celebration of this international holiday had come to an end.?

Declare your own holiday

So, if you’re ever in that deep, deep trough, I recommend you declare an “International Be Kind to (Your Name Here) Day”. I’ve done so for many years and this technique has always helped. I think that just by giving it a name like this gives you permission for self-care. Please do give it a try.