When the Glass Ceiling Has Fingerprints That Look Like Mine: Navigating Unsupportive Dynamics Among Women

A Women's History Month reflection on the complicated reality of female solidarity*

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"We're All In This Together"... Until We're Not

You know that warm, fuzzy feeling when you see those "Women Supporting Women" posts on LinkedIn? The ones with the perfect group photo, everyone in coordinated outfits, hashtag-blessed with #WomenEmpowerment and #TogetherWeRise?

Yeah, me too. I have shared a number of pictures of my supportive female friends. I love that energy.

But let's get real for a second. What happens when that Instagram-perfect narrative of sisterhood crashes into the messy reality of workplace dynamics? What do you do when the woman you thought would be your biggest ally becomes your biggest challenge?

I'm asking because I've been there. Recently, I served on a board of directors where I ultimately had to resign from a leadership position due to ongoing challenges with another woman in leadership. It was a serious reality check.

If you've ever found yourself staring at your phone, composing and deleting a strongly worded text to a female colleague who just undermined you in a meeting, this newsletter is for you.

The Elephant in the Room: It Happens More Than We Admit

Let's acknowledge something that doesn't fit neatly into our "girl power" narratives: women don't automatically support other women just because we share gender experiences. Sometimes, we're actually each other's toughest critics.

And for Women of Color? That experience often comes with an extra layer of complexity. When you're already navigating both gender and racial biases, having another woman – someone you hoped would "get it" – become an obstacle can feel like a special kind of betrayal.

This isn't about pointing fingers or feeding into stereotypes about women. The last thing we need is to give oxygen to those tired tropes. Instead, I want to talk about the structural reasons this happens and, more importantly, what we can do about it.

Why It Happens: Beyond "She's Just Jealous"

Before we jump into solutions, it helps to understand what might be happening beneath the surface:

• The Scarcity Mindset: When organizations have few leadership spots for women, we can unconsciously view other women as competition for those limited seats.
• The Proven Exception Syndrome**: Some women who've succeeded in male-dominated spaces have internalized the idea that they're "not like other women" – and maintaining that status means distancing themselves from other women.
• The Perfectionism Trap: Women often feel they must be flawless to be taken seriously, which can lead to harshly judging other women who might "reflect badly" on all of us.
• Intersectional Pressures: For Women of Color, there's often pressure to conform to white corporate culture while simultaneously representing your entire racial/ethnic group – a burden rarely shared equally among all women in the workplace.

Practical Strategies: What To Do When "Women Supporting Women" Feels Like Fiction

1. Remember: It's (Usually) Not Actually About You

When I was processing my board experience, my therapist told me something that has stuck with me, “For someone to treat you that way, they are wounded. That is not a threat to you.”?

Mind. Blown.

Often, unsupportive behavior from other women stems from their own insecurities, pressures, or past experiences. Understanding this doesn't excuse the behavior, but it can help you depersonalize it and respond more strategically.

2. Build Your “Squad” Deliberately

If the official "women's group" at your organization isn't providing the support you need, create your own micro-community of allies. These don't all have to be women, and they don't all have to be in your organization.

My personal groups of friends who are also highly successful professionals (shout out to the Chicana Book Club), are not only the purveyors of fun and laughter but they have collectively and individually become sounding boards and supports through dark professional times.?

3. Have The Conversation (Sometimes)

There are situations where directly addressing the issue can clear the air. The key is approaching it with curiosity rather than accusations:

"I noticed you had concerns about my proposal in the meeting. I'd love to understand your perspective better so we can find common ground."

Not: "Why do you keep shooting down all my ideas?" (Though I've certainly drafted that text more than once.)

However – and this is important – if you're dealing with someone who has a pattern of manipulative behavior, setting boundaries might be more effective than conversation.

4. Document Everything

There are times when taking detailed notes of every interaction. Not because I'm naturally suspicious, but because I noticed how often I would question my own recollection when conflicts arose and my memory of events was challenged.?

Did that person actually tell me that? Did that happen the way that I remember it? Having documentation can help you stay grounded in reality.

This isn't about building a case against someone (though it can be helpful if things escalate). It's about protecting your own confidence and clarity when tensions arise.

5. For Women of Color: Find Your People

For Women of Color navigating these dynamics, finding community with others who understand the intersection of gender and racial bias is invaluable. Whether through formal employee resource groups or informal connections, having people who truly get your experience provides both emotional support and practical strategies.

Organizations that actively support ERGs for people of color create crucial spaces where authentic connections can flourish. These groups often become lifelines during challenging times.

6. Be The Change (Without Martyring Yourself)

I'm a firm believer in being the kind of supportive woman I wish I'd always encountered. But here's the caveat: don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm.

Supporting other women doesn't mean:

- Taking on their work

- Staying silent when they behave inappropriately

- Sacrificing your own boundaries or well-being

It does mean:

- Amplifying their good ideas in meetings

- Providing honest, constructive feedback

- Creating opportunities when you're in a position to do so

- Recognizing that lifting others doesn't diminish your own light

7. Know When to Walk Away

Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is create distance. That's ultimately what I had to do with my board position. I realized the situation was taking more from me than I could sustain.

Walking away isn't failing at female solidarity. Sometimes it's the ultimate act of self-respect.

The Path Forward: Realistic Sisterhood

What I've learned through my own experiences – including that challenging board position – is that meaningful solidarity between women isn't automatic. It's built through intentional actions, honest conversations, and sometimes, difficult boundaries.

The good news? When you do find those authentic connections with women who genuinely support your growth and success, they're absolutely transformative. Those relationships have been the backbone of my career resilience.

As we celebrate Women's History Month, let's honor not just the achievements of women before us, but also commit to creating workplaces where women genuinely lift each other up – not because of inspirational Instagram quotes, but because we've done the hard work of moving beyond competition to true collaboration.

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I'd love to hear your experiences and strategies. Have you ever faced challenges with other women in professional settings? What worked for you? Comment below or message me directly – this is a conversation worth having.

And remember: Supporting each other doesn't mean we'll always agree. It means we're committed to seeing each other succeed, even when the path gets complicated.