When it finally clicks.

I grew up a single child and in a single parent household. For most of my childhood, my mom would always say something along the lines of: “Do whatever makes you happy.” That’s why she immigrated here to Canada with me when I was just a babe- to give me opportunity. What she didn’t realize was that she was saying this to a child who was growing up, unbeknownst to her, with ADHD. One day I wanted to be a violinist, another day I wanted to be an actress, another day I was getting into trouble with the police (at the age of 10) because I didn’t follow the sign that said “No Trespassing”. At times I was seeking weird adrenaline rushes by jumping across train tracks before the train would pass. And then there were times where I would sit at the dinner table to do homework and cry for hours rather than start, because the task was too overwhelming. It didn’t stop me from being at the top of my class, I just couldn’t sit down and do the homework when I was told to.

Fast forward to 29 and moving to a new city. Meeting new people forced me to take a step back. Comments I’d get when I was younger were popping up again: “How are you doing all these things?”, “I’d be so exhausted if I did as much as you.”, “You’re doing so much, are you resting enough?” I inevitably start asking myself: “What’s wrong with me?” Why can’t I find my thing like everyone else does? They have dreams, passions, and follow a general ‘theme’ in their life. Meanwhile, I flit and float left and right and go with whatever draws my attention. I do so almost mindlessly. It’s a no brainer that I’m going to start skateboarding at 30. It’s a no brainer that I’ll build myself a custom keyboard from scratch just because I saw a video. It’s a no brainer that I’m going to go trekking into avalanche country because I found out it’s possible. It’s a no brainer that I’ll change my entire itinerary because I saw an option for diving with sharks off a remote island. My lifestyle is exhausting to others but it invigorates me. I did always wonder though why I was always so different. So, in June 2024 I got my official ADHD diagnosis. I definitely had some ah-ha moments. Through a lot of trial and error, I had already started to adapt my lifestyle intuitively to support myself. So I thought I’d share some consistent practices that I’ve been nurturing for about 5-6 years now:?

• Mindfulness: This is a tricky one and looks different to everyone. In 2014, I was lucky enough to find yoga, meditation, and breathwork. It taught me to often check in with myself, something I do before taking any action in my personal life or at work. “Am I in a state to do research right now? No. Then what can I do until I am ready?” I try to set myself up for success rather than failure.
• Chores = Games: I turn it into a challenge. “Can you get the bathroom, laundy, kitchen, fridge, and floors done in 90 minutes before you leave for your fitness class?” Challenge accepted!?
• Let Go of Lists: I might write a very short day list of the things I need to focus on for work but I rarely reference it. I also choose not to bring lists into my personal life and I do not check things off for work either. Pressure is good to some extent but I’ve found if I don’t finish my list, I feel inadequate.?
• Safe Spaces: These are for items! I will misplace or lose (goodbye Ray Bans #4) items very often. I have designated spaces at home for these. My partner takes all the credit for this one.
• Siri: Siri has become integral to my life in the last year. I ask him to set reminders for me, to add things to my ‘Void’ (the only list I keep around) and I ask him to schedule things in my calendar.?
• The ‘Void’ List: I have a lot of ideas and a lot of things I want to look at later or read about. I just put them in this list that I may or may not look at for months (currently at item #53).?
• Chaos = Creativity: I still have moments where my apartment will be chaotic. If this happens, I know that I’m in need of a creative outlet. So, I’ve got sketch pads available, a piano, and even my yoga flows to keep my creative juices flowing.
• Rest = Movement: My rest works for me. I am mixed-type ADHD. In order for me to sleep at night, I need to burn physical energy throughout the day. I need 30-45 intensity minutes with daylight.
• Remove ‘Goals’: There is no end game. If I go trail running, I enjoy the run, the mountain views, the forest, the sound of the birds and the flowing rivers. I don’t want it to end.

I thought I’d also share some challenging habits that I have chosen to embrace. My goal isn’t to rid myself of them but to understand, accept, and tune them within my capacity. Here are a few:?

• Fidgeting: When I go over to the Maverick offices in the UK, you can count on me munching on crisps, getting up constantly to make tea, biting my nails, or tapping a pencil. Sit next to me at your own peril.
• Distractions: If I’m hunkered down in work and my favourite song comes on, expect a dance or sing-along party.
• Picking: I have dermatophagia and it’s a lifelong healing process.?
• Emotional spikes: Rejection sensitivity is high when it comes to loved ones and close friends. I am also quick to anger, to laughter, and to cry. Mainly to cry.?
• Overcommunicating: I talk a lot, interrupt a lot, at times I can chew someone’s ear off. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate the mute button at work. Other times, I am a one-word queen. That’s when I know I need to recharge.

And lastly, here are some of my favourite resources that have helped me understand my late ADHD diagnosis:?

• Dirty Laundry by Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery
• This is ADHD by Chanelle Moriah
• My therapist

In a world like ours, it’s so easy to compare yourself to others, to wonder what might be wrong with you, to try hard to fit in (and boy did I try growing up). So regardless of who you are, what might define you as neurodivergent or not, be kind with yourself. Last June, I received my diagnosis at the age of 32 and that was when it all finally clicked. I look back on my life and realize there was nothing wrong with me. I just have a superpower and today, I am grateful for it.