When Filling in the Gaps leads to Less than Ideal Outcomes

Has this ever happened to you?

You let your friends or colleagues know that you are struggling with something - a project… an idea… maybe you’re about to move! And you receive similar texts in response from two different people:

Diana:

Thomas:

The texts are virtually identical. Yet if you are anything like me, you spend WAY too long trying to interpret what each of them means.?

Here are what my immediate reactions would be:

Diana’s text: Well, there’s no punctuation. She clearly doesn’t want to help me, but feels like this is what she should say. Her lack of enthusiasm tells me not to bother her with this.

Thomas’ text: Wow, he sounds really pumped to help me out! Unlike Diana…

As someone who has to re-read every email draft multiple times before sending in fear I've included too many exclamation points, I am well aware that I have a particular way of communicating in the written form.?

And guess what? My way is likely very different from your way. And Diana’s way. And Thomas’ way.

When it comes to the above two texts, my interpretations are heavily influenced by my own communication style. I am assigning value based on my own patterns and experience, when in all likelihood, I am missing so much more to the story.?

Alternatively, something that is just as likely, is that I’m missing nothing! They both said they want to help! Why can’t I take that at face value?

Filling in the gaps in the workplace

I work with a wonderful client, we’ll call her Melody, who is in a leadership role at her company. She has spent much of her working life overanalyzing cues from others. Not only when it comes to written communication, but also IRL.?

When we first started working together, if Melody’s boss had given her a non-verbal cue in a meeting, she would spend HOURS analyzing what his expression had meant. Was he mad at her? Did he think she had done something wrong? Was her proposal a waste of time? Was she actually meant to be a leader at this company at all???

Her inner critic would tell her numerous stories about what her boss was trying to convey. In all likelihood, there could be 1,000+ different ways to interpret, yet here she was, filling in the gaps.

In our work together, Melody has realized that by putting so much weight into how others react - or don’t react - she was not showing up as her most confident self. By assigning her own stuff onto others, she was holding herself back from being the best version of herself she can be, from feeling confident and assured, from knowing that she is in her leadership position for a reason.

And as such, she has developed a new mantra.?

In her words: “Take me for who I am.” ??

Go, Melody!

She has truly put in the effort to stop assigning value and start appreciating what she brings to the table.?

She is committed to no more wasted time overthinking and has become an expert at leading with her beautiful mix of creativity, problem solving, humor, and empathy.?

And I’m honored to get to be a part of her journey.

What you can do to stop filling in the gaps

If you are a gap-filler like so many of us, my challenge to you is, the next time you notice yourself doing this, ask yourself the following questions:

1?? Could there possibly be another way to look at this, outside of my own perspective?

2?? If the answer to #1 is yes, what are some other potential scenarios?

3?? What is something I can let go of in order to stop overthinking and re-engage in a positive mindset?

Let me know how this works out for you - and I promise to do the same!

With gratitude, Tracy

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??? Exciting news! ????

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More information can be found here - if you are interested in attending, let me know and I’ll give you a discount code. Hope to see you there!

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