When it feels like the end times...

This week has been an emotional one for me. I live in the West End of Newcastle - a wonderful multicultural hub where the mosques and gurudwaras and Hindu temples are plenty and the people are wonderfully welcoming. I moved to this area a few years ago after falling in love with the diversity that my part of my city provided. I took a stroll down the West Road and found a place where I felt truly accepted in my flippy flappy authentic glory. It didn't matter to the wonderful people of Fenham that I'm a whiter-than-white girl with pink hair and somewhat wobbly legs. I was home.

So knowing that radicalised thugs had planned disorder on that same road, just two streets from my house, had my nerves jangling. As many of you know, I'm a trauma survivor and as such, cultivating a place where I feel truly safe has been an important part of my recovery. Being told to check your garden for weapons and make safety plans in case the disorder turned into violence was threatening my safe place. It truly made me question what the future would look like.

Cue one very emotional, very dysregulated Anna on Monday evening...

Who helps the helpers?

I've asked this question in this newsletter before, but I think it bears repeating. When you are the person people look to in a crisis, or the caregiver that keeps everyone around you moving forwards, it can be really difficult to find the support you need.

We get out of the habit of receiving support. We hold ourselves in the role of "the strong one" but that is frankly exhausting and it doesn't last. For me, the cracks showed in (completely unwarranted) frustration with my partner and short bursts of dissociation. My nervous system was pinging between fight and freeze, before my poor socially-conditioned brain tried to force things back into a sense of order.

If this sounds eerily familiar, don't worry - I don't have cameras in your office! I just share this pattern with most people who are in caring roles. If you've experienced any kind of trauma in the past, your nervous system will have familiar 'trauma responses' that it defaults to in times of high stress. If you are a helper, you'll probably be well versed in "pushing through" for the sake of your people. It's a very un-fun combination.

Luckily, as a coach who teaches people how to develop their "resilience portfolios" - the key skills you need to remain resilient under stress - I actually had a plan for this moment!

I help me...

One of the tools from module two of 'Audaciously Resilient Teams' is a self care plan than very handily contains a section called "crisis mode". The dysregulated brain is often not the most creative brain, so a little pre-planning goes a long way when you need to soothe yourself fast and the adrenaline is pumping.

Here are some ideas from my "crisis mode" plan that might inspire you to make your own self soothing plan:

• Reaching out - I am an ambivert - social and not-social - but when I'm stressed I tend to withdraw and then feel isolated. So I turned to my network of very trusted besties for company. I didn't need anything fancy from them, and I definitely didn't want to talk about my worries. I wanted distraction, and this week it came in the form of silly board games with my squad. Step one was to arrange a hang out to look forward to.
• Distractions from the ruminations - when my thoughts are rapidly cycling through all the things that could go wrong, I need tried and tested distractions. There's no point wondering what I fancy doing, because hibernating in a cave for the summer isn't an option. So I turned to my comfort activities - archaeology shows and fluffy queer romances where happy endings are guaranteed. What are your comfort shows, films or books?
• Look for the helpers - I'm sure you've heard the story about a Dad telling his child that in times of crisis, look for the helpers. As a very visibly queer and disabled person, the idea of counter protest didn't feel safe for me, so I filled my brain with stories of other people doing the good things. Clean up operations in cities, successful counter protests, inspiring changemakers in the field of racial equality - that was the news I consumed.
• Keep my body going - my aforementioned wonky body likes to turn my joints into spaghetti when I'm stressed. The joys of hypermobility are many, truly. So I focused on some key things to keep it well nurtured for low impact. Water to drink, extra naps, protein rich meals and keeping on top of my pain management. Do you have a similar list of basic body maintenance?
• Accepting love - I let my people know that I wasn't okay. Many of them were also not okay, either with trauma responses too or with anger at the people causing the problem. So I loved them hard, and let them love me too. We sent memes and videos and supportive messages. Our group chat was pinging with love all week.
• Keep it simple - I like to do things above and beyond, and do them well. This week, I let that go. I cancelled some non essential things. I let some standards slip. I dropped non essential tasks from my work plan. And I reminded myself that this is a moral virtue - radical self care - instead of a moral failing. I wasn't being "bad", this was a GOOD choice for me.

...and I need help

Now, I am aware that I sound a lil smug here. I have this beautiful crisis plan all laid out for moments like this. Go me. What a boss bitch I am, surely?

But here is one of my audacious ANDs: I know the theory behind resilience AND I need reminding to actually do the stuff. That's where my wonderful partner comes in. Mel knows the plan, so was able to nudge me into actually following it when I was wobbling.

"How are you going to distract your brain?"

"Why don't you go have a lie down?"

"Is everything in your diary a must do today?"

"Have you eaten? No, jaffa cakes don't count as a meal! Have you eaten a meal?!"

That's why Audaciously Resilient Teams is designed for TEAMS. If you can't remember to activate "crisis mode", having people around you who know the steps is invaluable to actually making it happen. Open communication with your community is the gamechanger!

So come to the comments and tell me - what ideas have you had for your own "crisis mode" plan? And what do you do that I'm missing - I'm always up for some inspiration!

I'm offering 25% off Audaciously Resilient Teams for all organisations that serve communities from the global ethnic majority for the rest of August. If that sounds like you, slide right on into my DMs!